Perpetually Drunk

I was explaining to my TCM doctor the other day, how it felt like to be currently recovering from Stroke. I had mentioned that I felt perpetually "drunk" - ie; light-in-the-head, everything goes on slower-motion - both receiving the notion, and of my reaction. Like you are seemingly aware of what's gong on around you, but not fully on control of your actions, much less your circumstances. Being "drunk", but without the thrill of irresponsibility being drunk.

There is hardly any 'sense of euphoria' involved in my day-to-day reactions to being 'drunk'. Things more slower than before, in what I hope to achieve and physically do, and sometimes even mentally; I am bound by my rapidly depleting energy-levels - which requires me to nap for a coupla of hours in the afternoon to replenish - versus the need and want I have to accomplish my tasks.

Most times it feels like the brain has been 'unmoored' from the docks of the skull, and when I turn my head, the brain turns along with it, but a fraction of a second slower. Whether this is because if the lack of blood going to the brains, or a literal physical manifestation, I have yet to ask or be determined. So in lieu of this happenstance, I move as slow as possible, react to sounds and activities, as slow as I possibly can. Ironically, because oif the Stroke which caused a crick/ache in my neck, I sometimes have to turn my upper torso area, so that my face can face whatever is in front of me - like Batman in the Tim Burton movies - where the cowl is one snuggle piece with no flexibility for the neck to twist and turn LOL

People may not realize, but the solitary action of "blogging", is not a hard thing to execute. Fair enough my eye-sight leaves me wanting on most occasions (I have double-vision post-Stroke) but it is nevertheless a process able to be conquered, or in my instance, "getting used to" (developing the head-twitching and big-eye-small-eye symptom does me no favors tho).

I receive news via my inbox. I line up the posts and images, and I blog them. I currently rely a lot on press-releases, and if something really grabs me, I offer my opinions and impressions. Once in a long while I scan thru my various online venues (extremely narrowed down to a scant few these days) and perhaps blog about them, or post them on my public Facebook page.

I've been doing up a lot of toy-reviews lately, both via pictures and via video (i do not show my face in lieu of my jagged teeth and big-eye-small-eye lol and still folks emulate my visual-crop? Seriously?). Not much interviews happening these days, as i sucks too much out of me, if people choose not to play ball.

In all, I spend about 10 to 12hours per day online doing up all these, when it used to take me a slightly smaller fraction of time to do them. And that in lieu leaves me very little chance to reply emails and such happenstance that people somehow continue to expect. "Frustration" has given way to needing to get stuff done.

I am restarting my Stroke Rehab sessions soon (I stopped for a few months), and am focusing on other endeavors in time for 2012 - all of which leaves me with less time to be spent online, and funnily throughout all these activities and plans, I still feel "drunk" thru and thru, and that is a feeling I do not wish to have, but reckon must live with, until such a time when it gets better? I have stopped waiting for that day actually, and I have grown weary of the need to justify my condition to folks who frankly, do not care beyond imagining I am "all well" because I continue to blog, tweet and post on Facebook lol


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