tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28242104304195852272024-03-05T15:28:13.668+08:00stroke41TOYSREVILhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03872736377423548421noreply@blogger.comBlogger38125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2824210430419585227.post-75854748274284032852020-11-03T14:15:00.004+08:002020-11-03T14:54:27.572+08:00My #STROKELIFE Sharing Sessions: A Decade In<center><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiRA69aAV_kOE44PvzjAGJYzf4GlFqZWfMmC9jIO2zhC_dNudMEeAwVS7WuQxIUy924YDURbQ_QO7wj7kM6yb2CaB2m_1fwwmoiIa8hFcotAIwP0i2ahjuzRdOW_kfpExKDyaILetiKOoa1/s1240/STROKELIFE+header.png" style="display: block; padding: 1em 0; text-align: center; "><img alt="" border="0" width="400" data-original-height="697" data-original-width="1240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiRA69aAV_kOE44PvzjAGJYzf4GlFqZWfMmC9jIO2zhC_dNudMEeAwVS7WuQxIUy924YDURbQ_QO7wj7kM6yb2CaB2m_1fwwmoiIa8hFcotAIwP0i2ahjuzRdOW_kfpExKDyaILetiKOoa1/s400/STROKELIFE+header.png"/></a></div></center>
<br/>
I "celebrated" my 10th Anniversary of surviving Stroke this October, with sharing my "Strokelife" online, which has since been made available for your listening considerations in three parts"
<br/><br/>
PART #1: Where I talk about my pre-Stroke lifestyle leading up to the day of my Stroke, on October 20th, 2010. I was forty-one years old when I suffered my (first) Stroke.
(Direct link to Soundcloud recording <a href="https://soundcloud.com/andy-heng-871555904/strokelife-part-1" target="_blank"><u>HERE</u></a> / Embedded below).
<br/><br/>
<center><iframe width="100%" height="300" scrolling="no" frameborder="no" allow="autoplay" src="https://w.soundcloud.com/player/?url=https%3A//api.soundcloud.com/tracks/917292614&color=%23ff5500&auto_play=false&hide_related=false&show_comments=true&show_user=true&show_reposts=false&show_teaser=true&visual=true"></iframe><div style="font-size: 10px; color: #cccccc;line-break: anywhere;word-break: normal;overflow: hidden;white-space: nowrap;text-overflow: ellipsis; font-family: Interstate,Lucida Grande,Lucida Sans Unicode,Lucida Sans,Garuda,Verdana,Tahoma,sans-serif;font-weight: 100;"><a href="https://soundcloud.com/andy-heng-871555904" title="Andy TOYSREVIL" target="_blank" style="color: #cccccc; text-decoration: none;">Andy TOYSREVIL</a> · <a href="https://soundcloud.com/andy-heng-871555904/strokelife-part-1" title="Strokelife (Part 1)" target="_blank" style="color: #cccccc; text-decoration: none;">Strokelife (Part 1)</a></div></center>
<br/><br/>
DURATION: 1:38:16<br/>
SPOKEN LANGUAGE: (Primarily) English<br/>
WARNING: Coarse/Adult Language Used.
<br/><br/>
PART #2: Where I shared my post-Stroke recovery for the first 6-8 months, with hospital stay and rehabilitation.
(Direct link to Soundcloud recording <a href="https://soundcloud.com/andy-heng-871555904/strokelife-part-two" target="_blank"><u>HERE</u></a> / Embedded below).
<br/><br/>
<center><iframe width="100%" height="300" scrolling="no" frameborder="no" allow="autoplay" src="https://w.soundcloud.com/player/?url=https%3A//api.soundcloud.com/tracks/920243923&color=%23ff5500&auto_play=false&hide_related=false&show_comments=true&show_user=true&show_reposts=false&show_teaser=true&visual=true"></iframe><div style="font-size: 10px; color: #cccccc;line-break: anywhere;word-break: normal;overflow: hidden;white-space: nowrap;text-overflow: ellipsis; font-family: Interstate,Lucida Grande,Lucida Sans Unicode,Lucida Sans,Garuda,Verdana,Tahoma,sans-serif;font-weight: 100;"><a href="https://soundcloud.com/andy-heng-871555904" title="Andy TOYSREVIL" target="_blank" style="color: #cccccc; text-decoration: none;">Andy TOYSREVIL</a> · <a href="https://soundcloud.com/andy-heng-871555904/strokelife-part-two" title="#STROKELIFE (Part 2)" target="_blank" style="color: #cccccc; text-decoration: none;">#STROKELIFE (Part 2)</a></div></center>
<br/><br/>
DURATION: 1:36:29<br/>
SPOKEN LANGUAGE: (Primarily) English<br/>
WARNING: Coarse/Adult Language Used.
<br/><br/>
PART #3: Where I shared my Strokelife for the past ten years, and an update to my current state of health. Viewable via a youtube video recording posted below (because I had exceeded my free Soundcloud upload limit :p).
<br/><br/>
<center><iframe width="560" height="315" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/a61VewVIeXM" frameborder="0" allow="accelerometer; autoplay; clipboard-write; encrypted-media; gyroscope; picture-in-picture" allowfullscreen></iframe></center>
<br/><br/>
DURATION: 1:14:37<br/>
SPOKEN LANGUAGE: (Primarily) English + (Simple) Mandarin.<br/>
WARNING: Coarse/Adult Language Used.
<br/><br/>
THE STORY OF STROKELIFE: I had initially done a FACEBOOK LIVE sharing session on October 24th (<a href="https://stroke41.blogspot.com/2020/10/ten-years-on.html" target="_blank"><u>Q&A HERE</u></a>), which I had since Privated, primarily because I had felt it was too huge a chunk for folks to have to go through, and admittedly I'd felt uncomfortable for oversharing TMI in personal sharing ... but had felt I still had wanted to share my experience for folks' point of reference and knowledge, NOT that I was offering medical advice nor "selling" anything, but at the very least be able to provide one person's point-of-view and experience = something I wished I had access to, when I fell to Stroke so many years ago.
<br/><br/>
And so I decided to re-record my share (and I am also currently unable to edit on my desktop, in the first place), but this time planning to do so in "shorter" chunks, and maybe less TMI - even though I also recognised sharing all these were also meant to symbolically stop myself from "talking about Stroke" again, <i>a decade in ...</i>
<br/><br/>
The irony being, instead of the 3 hours 40+minuter Facebook Live recording, I now have a combined total of (slightly over) 4 hours' worth of words and my whining OMG <i>~ LOL</i>
<br/><br/>
But I don't beat myself over it (much) ... <b>it is what it is</b>. It is a huge chunk of my life - essentially 1/5th of my entire life (I'd just turned 51 years old in late-September), so it still is and will always remain apart of my life, whether I talk about it publicly or not.
<br/><br/>
I'll end this entry with a re-look at a video recording of how I was, 2 days after succumbing to Stroke, filmed on October 22nd, 2010, when my mouth straighten back after a couple of days being crooked/drooped, and voice slowly returning ...
<br/><br/>
<center><iframe width="560" height="315" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/yZow1148_j4" frameborder="0" allow="accelerometer; autoplay; clipboard-write; encrypted-media; gyroscope; picture-in-picture" allowfullscreen></iframe></center>
<br/><br/>
Thank you for listening.<br/>
Stay healthy, cheers.<br/>
<b>Andy Heng</b>
<br/><br/><br/>
ASIDE: I am accepting PayPal donations via "<b>toysrevil@yahoo.com</b>" (Payment type under "<b>Friends and Family</b>"). Thank you for your considerations and generosity.TOYSREVILhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03872736377423548421noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2824210430419585227.post-66691551095930559342020-10-24T23:21:00.021+08:002020-11-03T14:53:26.105+08:00Ten Years On... Answers To Questions During My Facebook Live Sharing<center><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhAK08jb1mM5EguglJxtWgywAIl2m4VN5CeBK-m74wrqPKzFMBgr6lNvXwdV2-ORdDlIRBXD9Qqz286nLgl0Zp62phzkMFn7d3u1xlIx3I-brnFaJEOiA6DhRmCraOYu-VnwD0UBsawZOBt/s513/Screenshot+2020-10-24+at+6.01.21+PM.png" style="display: block; padding: 1em 0; text-align: center; "><img alt="" border="0" width="400" data-original-height="297" data-original-width="513" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhAK08jb1mM5EguglJxtWgywAIl2m4VN5CeBK-m74wrqPKzFMBgr6lNvXwdV2-ORdDlIRBXD9Qqz286nLgl0Zp62phzkMFn7d3u1xlIx3I-brnFaJEOiA6DhRmCraOYu-VnwD0UBsawZOBt/s400/Screenshot+2020-10-24+at+6.01.21+PM.png"/></a></div></center>
<br/>
And so I "celebrated" the 10th Anniversary of my Stroke in 2020, wth a FACEBOOK LIVE (over) sharing of my experience(s) with having Stroke, with tons of TMI ("too much information") that I had subsequently felt uncomfortable to be sharing online moreso than I already had (go figure), after I spent 3 hours and fourty-eight minutes rambling on about it in the first place ... That said, I certainly hope to be able to edit down the entire video to focus on my experiences with Stroke itself ... but that might be a while before it happens, due to my current desktop woes.
<br/><br/>
And I <b>forgot</b> to also mention - after pouring out my heart and thoughts - the one thing that had been hanging over my head for the entirety of the past ten years: That I might not just have ONE Stroke, but <strike>there will be</strike> might have more to come. Unless I manage to keep myself healthy, which for all intents and fears, I do not think I am doing that well ... which is a real bitch, because essentially how am I to responsibly push forward in life, if its gonna go bottoms up somewhen? Hence not keeping myself healthy enough to stave off the "inevitable" WTF.... but that's on me.
<br/><br/>
I might have pushed ahead and recovered to whatever level I am in NOW, but lies ahead, is an uncertain fear, which I too realise would be a foolhardy notion to continue fearing over, but not choose to LIVE FORTH ... <i>easier said that done tho...</i>
<br/><br/>
That said, here's a look back at some questions I'd received during my FB-LIVE Sharing Sessions, with my answers - <i>some of whom had been expanded upon,</i> after I had posted them on my personal Facebook. Cheers :)
<br/><br/>
<center><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiKFXxOL_SaVRGwNRJj3iN_AGm13K4J5ZJZ8QFwRbBQ9xnzcr77WCbh4_3SgvLqNFJKaJ6OVlvUtOjeyE2-5mO0xl8q0gFcn7C9xfI9S2YaUUmj94xZjOmEVauj2DcxPzlsMq50ngxVutlL/s400/strokelife+Facebook+Questions+1.png" style="display: block; padding: 1em 0; text-align: center; "><img alt="" border="0" width="400" data-original-height="400" data-original-width="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiKFXxOL_SaVRGwNRJj3iN_AGm13K4J5ZJZ8QFwRbBQ9xnzcr77WCbh4_3SgvLqNFJKaJ6OVlvUtOjeyE2-5mO0xl8q0gFcn7C9xfI9S2YaUUmj94xZjOmEVauj2DcxPzlsMq50ngxVutlL/s400/strokelife+Facebook+Questions+1.png"/></a></div></center>
<br/><br/>
You ROCK, Napat! THANK YOU!<br/>
Find out more about both events linked here to TOYSREVIL:
<br/><br/>
*<a href="https://bit.ly/3oxy0V9" target="_blank"><u>CLICK HERE</u></a> for all coverage about Character Licensing Expo Asia AKA "CLEA 2010" - which happened BEFORE I fell to Stroke in October 2010!
<br/><br/>
*<a href="https://bit.ly/2HoTqDa" target="_blank"><u>CLICK HERE</u></a> for all coverage of "CE2 CONTEST" circa 2012, when I returned to Thailand after my Stroke! I referenced my experience in this blogpost: "<a href="https://stroke41.blogspot.com/2012/04/keeping-pace.html" target="_blank"><u>Keeping Pace</u></a>", and have been living this adage since.
<br/><br/>
<center><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh1Ba5c9FoAWvBZBln71qZftaqhVrhnf3WTSOOymaVuMolkEin11qSd0Yc2Kq0f8vRnBUkRItVyILNQTrRMzYls-6Ota0JT-cI0-MP1FRksuLvvMEYazTg2TUKttCAZds8hWOULyI6G_u_K/s400/strokelife+Facebook+Questions+2.png" style="display: block; padding: 1em 0; text-align: center; "><img alt="" border="0" width="400" data-original-height="400" data-original-width="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh1Ba5c9FoAWvBZBln71qZftaqhVrhnf3WTSOOymaVuMolkEin11qSd0Yc2Kq0f8vRnBUkRItVyILNQTrRMzYls-6Ota0JT-cI0-MP1FRksuLvvMEYazTg2TUKttCAZds8hWOULyI6G_u_K/s400/strokelife+Facebook+Questions+2.png"/></a></div></center>
<br/><br/>
RE: My STGCC2010 visit while in my wheelchair (All links to my Facebook albums / Some are privated, sorry)<br/>
<br/>
- <a href="https://bit.ly/3jtIEbF" target="_blank"><u>Facebook Album #1</u></a> (Friends)<br/>
- <a href="https://bit.ly/3dUO4Ly" target="_blank"><u>Facebook Album #2</u></a> (Seen)<br/>
- <a href="https://bit.ly/2Tnz6nN" target="_blank"><u>Facebook Album #3</u></a> (Artist Alley)
<br/><br/>
<center><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiTTmocCSwhF-33oigq87O_mTj5FxO-gJWLQvk1J2tw7rF5Sr-ai4ESKiqKf7qfGgEADga_OAs0O5L9xAJUJxazJKzr8m6xkULN8tfUk8rZ65UzexLzBfsCTNV-vAoWC5s0TdVkIGEIREON/s400/strokelife+Facebook+Questions+3.png" style="display: block; padding: 1em 0; text-align: center; "><img alt="" border="0" width="400" data-original-height="400" data-original-width="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiTTmocCSwhF-33oigq87O_mTj5FxO-gJWLQvk1J2tw7rF5Sr-ai4ESKiqKf7qfGgEADga_OAs0O5L9xAJUJxazJKzr8m6xkULN8tfUk8rZ65UzexLzBfsCTNV-vAoWC5s0TdVkIGEIREON/s400/strokelife+Facebook+Questions+3.png"/></a></div></center>
<br/><br/>
ANSWER #1: I have a "portfolio" of works <a href="https://www.facebook.com/andyhengart" target="_blank"><u>viewable HERE on Facebook</u></a>, and as well I have begun to chronicle my work-past in a <a href="https://andyhengart.blogspot.com" target="_blank"><u>dedicated BLOG</u></a>. Here is my <a href="http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0376984/" target="_blank"><u>IMDb-page</u></a>.
<br/><br/>
ANSWER #2: I started out with 1/6th-scaled figures (dedicated <a href="https://toysrevil16.blogspot.com" target="_blank"><u>Hobby-Blog</u></a>hobby-Blog: / <a href="https://www.facebook.com/TOYSREVIL16" target="_blank"><u>dedicated FACEBOOK Page</u></a>), and subsequently dived into "urban vinyls", with Michael Lau etc.
<br/><br/>
I am of the era of Dragon Models, BBI, and pre-licensed Hot Toys lol (I do not have a single licensed Hot Toys figure since they went "legit"). I utterly adored "kitbashing" above anything else - using different brands and make to make a single figure!
<br/><br/>
I wasn't until 3A Toys before I begun to collect whole figures again, and even then as selective as I had been, I ended up "buying" more than I "opened" them... until such time when I could no longer afford my "plastic fix" LOL
<br/><br/>
<center><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj44EAA5xrUjWggA1srRwWpunTHgbOEZFoGSg4H9M6450MmmpPXT30-iECZ955vafFwePtx-3YS2XKOkStvTHppSCQ_NROu1sOajtyb1AoOf2BF7qfFbiJY8e_-5e24JxcpdUdhVlI1QSMB/s400/strokelife+Facebook+Questions+4.png" style="display: block; padding: 1em 0; text-align: center; "><img alt="" border="0" width="400" data-original-height="400" data-original-width="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj44EAA5xrUjWggA1srRwWpunTHgbOEZFoGSg4H9M6450MmmpPXT30-iECZ955vafFwePtx-3YS2XKOkStvTHppSCQ_NROu1sOajtyb1AoOf2BF7qfFbiJY8e_-5e24JxcpdUdhVlI1QSMB/s400/strokelife+Facebook+Questions+4.png"/></a></div></center>
<br/><br/>
(Above) QUESTION: "How do you see your value today as a professional and as a person, who is a stroke survivor?"
<br/><br/>
ANSWER: Beyond the physicality and physical limitation, I'd felt I had gained a certain sense of emotional perspective, at least in the Point of View (POV). And while I cannot argue "different strokes for different people" (Pun Not Intended), having lived thru this exprience had helped me attain a certain semblance of understanding and perhaps further depth into "visual aesthetics", moreso that I had felt years ago before Stroke.
<br/><br/>
(Above) QUESTION: What has changed and what do you feel about that? Has it taught you anything?
<br/><br/>
ANSWER: Connected to the above answer to. My perception has changed. Even my language has been altered - how I blogged before Stroke, and how I am now as well. The initial fear was that Stroke had changed and screwed with my brains - which I cannot doubt it still had tho LOL - but who I am now and who I read wrote the blog articles (for example), feels "different". "Aesthetics"-wise, things might remain the same or different, and I cannot differentiate between evolution/evolved tastes or otherwise :p
<br/><br/>
What Stroke has imbued in me are many faceted but perhaps sutble (?) to folks? Humility. Awareness. Guilt. Consequence. Struggle. Living Life.
<br/><br/>
And I am less likely to play into politics as I would rather do what I choose to do, which equates to not being able to adapt into a corporate environment, perhaps.
<br/><br/>
<center><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh8eTfN-JO13cKQfwqVGPtTyqWvIdbt0Bv-Q6vNPQtF3DGmwGzIEwVR-TIBoWtoE6y3I68fbMuV6k9h-HnbmnQw6Sf_zwtKZoepanxrvflavFs_4Z9wBkniPmKqH-3MuMm6_vU0fQmu6iNd/s400/strokelife+Facebook+Questions+5.png" style="display: block; padding: 1em 0; text-align: center; "><img alt="" border="0" width="400" data-original-height="400" data-original-width="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh8eTfN-JO13cKQfwqVGPtTyqWvIdbt0Bv-Q6vNPQtF3DGmwGzIEwVR-TIBoWtoE6y3I68fbMuV6k9h-HnbmnQw6Sf_zwtKZoepanxrvflavFs_4Z9wBkniPmKqH-3MuMm6_vU0fQmu6iNd/s400/strokelife+Facebook+Questions+5.png"/></a></div></center>
<br/><br/>
(Above) QUESTION: Does your blog influence the price of and demand for specific toys? Can you share instances of this?
<br/><br/>
ANSWER: I cannot really say, as I had much feedback though the years, truth be told. I do not "hype" as much as I think I should (to get folks attention) though LOL ... and while I would not say "price fluctuations", I would like to think I help "fuel the demand for" LOL ... one immediate example if of the SHIN-COOKIEZILLA that was released over the weekend and sold out within minutes, and yet I am still receiving DMs (on socials) asking "How Much?" (But I don't sell them!), and the blog stats have shown there are the highest read feats for the past week.
<br/><br/>
I also recognise I am now not johnny-on-the-spot for "breaking news" as before (I cannot play that game anymore post-Stroke, anyways lol), but I'd rather aim to be able to provide as much and as accurate information as I can, be it pre-sales or even post-sales lol
<br/><br/>
(Above) QUESTION: How old were you when you were doing sustained demanding work?
<br/><br/>
ANSWER: I think I had passed my early-30s by then. When you'd put in work in your mid-to-late 20s dong the grind, and being able to walk the talk in your/my 30s.
<br/><br/>
I made my first feature film when I was 29 (in 1998, as a "Art Director"), and my 6th and last feature film in 2006, when I was 37.
<br/><br/>
30s was my prime, and if I had heeded my own personal issues of burning out, perhaps I would have been able to achieve more in my 40s? The point is moot now.
<br/><br/>
<center><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEizFLa9B-dr5AEyESmBS1wkB0lVF6BWLp0OMJpB4EP42oekDbvDcWVY2EUclBfwCAnaVJku0gf_50er7ntejfeuy0IT3W9I6lxpUNgIweFRIT7nk4HsX-zccCZZaeAh1u2s3fB51y76zATi/s400/strokelife+Facebook+Questions+6.png" style="display: block; padding: 1em 0; text-align: center; "><img alt="" border="0" width="400" data-original-height="400" data-original-width="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEizFLa9B-dr5AEyESmBS1wkB0lVF6BWLp0OMJpB4EP42oekDbvDcWVY2EUclBfwCAnaVJku0gf_50er7ntejfeuy0IT3W9I6lxpUNgIweFRIT7nk4HsX-zccCZZaeAh1u2s3fB51y76zATi/s400/strokelife+Facebook+Questions+6.png"/></a></div></center>
<br/><br/>
I would say in-between spending time with family (admittedly very rare before my Stroke), friends (exceedingly less too), ex'es - in fact most of my free time is spent with them, and admittedly in the hustle and grind, I poured more of my time over work.
<br/><br/>
I was unsuccessful in balancing both my geeklife and my life, before Stroke, sadly.
<br/><br/>
After Stroke, when I was not gainfully employed, and remained single, I could devote my time and indulge in what I had loved doing. But the reality of not earning meant I could not spend on maintaining a hobby such as "toy-collecting" - but for "gifts" from folks - which in turned became "work", as I devoted my time on my blog instead.
<br/><br/>
What were "hobbies" I passionately loved from before, how gradually became "work" since when I started the blog 15 years ago. Still love TOYS though, but that love is no longer the same as it was.
<br/><br/>
END :)TOYSREVILhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03872736377423548421noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2824210430419585227.post-47102929553080808982019-10-20T16:16:00.000+08:002019-10-20T21:08:12.586+08:00Nine Years On<center><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjC6rp0X8hKzq31bibQNqLSqba6lUWaJwSZiw1RHwYt3hbDLTT0B25HI0QEi92GshlEaxY4C4iMC0AwAQCiZvZF5eCdANLhwCs4qDWC-X2CYWWq0qw7gIuqxKRyhVO0cFdC6DDffBOZGI4w/s1600/Andy+Oct+20%253A2019.jpeg" imageanchor="1" ><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjC6rp0X8hKzq31bibQNqLSqba6lUWaJwSZiw1RHwYt3hbDLTT0B25HI0QEi92GshlEaxY4C4iMC0AwAQCiZvZF5eCdANLhwCs4qDWC-X2CYWWq0qw7gIuqxKRyhVO0cFdC6DDffBOZGI4w/s640/Andy+Oct+20%253A2019.jpeg" width="480" height="640" data-original-width="646" data-original-height="862" /></a></center><br />
Truth be told, I had never been that razor sharp <b>exact</b> with my “timing” for this specific day, but my addled memory tells me that today, “October 20th” is <b>the</b> day I had awoken at the “Acute Stroke Ward”, in Changi Hospital, in 2010 - which I had since dubbed my “Stroke Birthday”, being the seriously “wannabe-poetic-me” … the irony being, I’d forgotten and passed this particular day too often and many a years since 2010 (except in <a href="https://stroke41.blogspot.com/2017/10/seven-years-on.html" target="_blank"><u>2017</u></a> :p).<br />
<br />
“Poetry” and me have had a rocky relationship, suffice to say…<br />
<br />
Nine years on, this is what I’ve learnt so far;<br />
<br />
Having not taken better care of my body "health"-wise, I might not be in the best of shape, for the better part of these nine years. The irony which I constantly tell folks, that I had been the “most fit during my adult-life” was when I was in rehabilitation in the early-months post-Stroke, has given way to a expanded waist and tired body, with a developing kidney issue and diabetes ravaging my leg(s), and a constant fear of relapse, casting a shadow over my waking life.<br />
<br />
To my understanding, my ability to recover from Stroke had been the amount of effort I had taken to rehabilitate early on. But after that, I had seriously lapsed in my efforts, due to whatever reasons that no longer matter as much as having something(s) to point and lay blame on, but “myself” for lacking the spirit to push forth.<br />
<br />
<center><blockquote class="instagram-media" data-instgrm-captioned data-instgrm-permalink="https://www.instagram.com/p/Bv5XDBNnI6x/?utm_source=ig_embed&utm_campaign=loading" data-instgrm-version="12" style=" background:#FFF; border:0; border-radius:3px; box-shadow:0 0 1px 0 rgba(0,0,0,0.5),0 1px 10px 0 rgba(0,0,0,0.15); margin: 1px; max-width:540px; min-width:326px; padding:0; width:99.375%; width:-webkit-calc(100% - 2px); width:calc(100% - 2px);"><div style="padding:16px;"><a href="https://www.instagram.com/p/Bv5XDBNnI6x/?utm_source=ig_embed&utm_campaign=loading" style=" background:#FFFFFF; line-height:0; padding:0 0; text-align:center; text-decoration:none; width:100%;" target="_blank"> <div style=" display: flex; flex-direction: row; align-items: center;"><div style="background-color: #F4F4F4; border-radius: 50%; flex-grow: 0; height: 40px; margin-right: 14px; width: 40px;"></div><div style="display: flex; flex-direction: column; flex-grow: 1; justify-content: center;"><div style=" background-color: #F4F4F4; border-radius: 4px; flex-grow: 0; height: 14px; margin-bottom: 6px; width: 100px;"></div><div style=" background-color: #F4F4F4; border-radius: 4px; flex-grow: 0; height: 14px; width: 60px;"></div></div></div><div style="padding: 19% 0;"></div><div style="display:block; height:50px; margin:0 auto 12px; width:50px;"><svg width="50px" height="50px" viewBox="0 0 60 60" version="1.1" xmlns="https://www.w3.org/2000/svg" xmlns:xlink="https://www.w3.org/1999/xlink"><g stroke="none" stroke-width="1" fill="none" fill-rule="evenodd"><g transform="translate(-511.000000, -20.000000)" fill="#000000"><g><path d="M556.869,30.41 C554.814,30.41 553.148,32.076 553.148,34.131 C553.148,36.186 554.814,37.852 556.869,37.852 C558.924,37.852 560.59,36.186 560.59,34.131 C560.59,32.076 558.924,30.41 556.869,30.41 M541,60.657 C535.114,60.657 530.342,55.887 530.342,50 C530.342,44.114 535.114,39.342 541,39.342 C546.887,39.342 551.658,44.114 551.658,50 C551.658,55.887 546.887,60.657 541,60.657 M541,33.886 C532.1,33.886 524.886,41.1 524.886,50 C524.886,58.899 532.1,66.113 541,66.113 C549.9,66.113 557.115,58.899 557.115,50 C557.115,41.1 549.9,33.886 541,33.886 M565.378,62.101 C565.244,65.022 564.756,66.606 564.346,67.663 C563.803,69.06 563.154,70.057 562.106,71.106 C561.058,72.155 560.06,72.803 558.662,73.347 C557.607,73.757 556.021,74.244 553.102,74.378 C549.944,74.521 548.997,74.552 541,74.552 C533.003,74.552 532.056,74.521 528.898,74.378 C525.979,74.244 524.393,73.757 523.338,73.347 C521.94,72.803 520.942,72.155 519.894,71.106 C518.846,70.057 518.197,69.06 517.654,67.663 C517.244,66.606 516.755,65.022 516.623,62.101 C516.479,58.943 516.448,57.996 516.448,50 C516.448,42.003 516.479,41.056 516.623,37.899 C516.755,34.978 517.244,33.391 517.654,32.338 C518.197,30.938 518.846,29.942 519.894,28.894 C520.942,27.846 521.94,27.196 523.338,26.654 C524.393,26.244 525.979,25.756 528.898,25.623 C532.057,25.479 533.004,25.448 541,25.448 C548.997,25.448 549.943,25.479 553.102,25.623 C556.021,25.756 557.607,26.244 558.662,26.654 C560.06,27.196 561.058,27.846 562.106,28.894 C563.154,29.942 563.803,30.938 564.346,32.338 C564.756,33.391 565.244,34.978 565.378,37.899 C565.522,41.056 565.552,42.003 565.552,50 C565.552,57.996 565.522,58.943 565.378,62.101 M570.82,37.631 C570.674,34.438 570.167,32.258 569.425,30.349 C568.659,28.377 567.633,26.702 565.965,25.035 C564.297,23.368 562.623,22.342 560.652,21.575 C558.743,20.834 556.562,20.326 553.369,20.18 C550.169,20.033 549.148,20 541,20 C532.853,20 531.831,20.033 528.631,20.18 C525.438,20.326 523.257,20.834 521.349,21.575 C519.376,22.342 517.703,23.368 516.035,25.035 C514.368,26.702 513.342,28.377 512.574,30.349 C511.834,32.258 511.326,34.438 511.181,37.631 C511.035,40.831 511,41.851 511,50 C511,58.147 511.035,59.17 511.181,62.369 C511.326,65.562 511.834,67.743 512.574,69.651 C513.342,71.625 514.368,73.296 516.035,74.965 C517.703,76.634 519.376,77.658 521.349,78.425 C523.257,79.167 525.438,79.673 528.631,79.82 C531.831,79.965 532.853,80.001 541,80.001 C549.148,80.001 550.169,79.965 553.369,79.82 C556.562,79.673 558.743,79.167 560.652,78.425 C562.623,77.658 564.297,76.634 565.965,74.965 C567.633,73.296 568.659,71.625 569.425,69.651 C570.167,67.743 570.674,65.562 570.82,62.369 C570.966,59.17 571,58.147 571,50 C571,41.851 570.966,40.831 570.82,37.631"></path></g></g></g></svg></div><div style="padding-top: 8px;"><div style=" color:#3897f0; font-family:Arial,sans-serif; font-size:14px; font-style:normal; font-weight:550; line-height:18px;">View this post on Instagram</div></div><div style="padding: 12.5% 0;"></div><div style="display: flex; flex-direction: row; margin-bottom: 14px; align-items: center;"><div><div style="background-color: #F4F4F4; border-radius: 50%; height: 12.5px; width: 12.5px; transform: translateX(0px) translateY(7px);"></div><div style="background-color: #F4F4F4; height: 12.5px; transform: rotate(-45deg) translateX(3px) translateY(1px); width: 12.5px; flex-grow: 0; margin-right: 14px; margin-left: 2px;"></div><div style="background-color: #F4F4F4; border-radius: 50%; height: 12.5px; width: 12.5px; transform: translateX(9px) translateY(-18px);"></div></div><div style="margin-left: 8px;"><div style=" background-color: #F4F4F4; border-radius: 50%; flex-grow: 0; height: 20px; width: 20px;"></div><div style=" width: 0; height: 0; border-top: 2px solid transparent; border-left: 6px solid #f4f4f4; border-bottom: 2px solid transparent; transform: translateX(16px) translateY(-4px) rotate(30deg)"></div></div><div style="margin-left: auto;"><div style=" width: 0px; border-top: 8px solid #F4F4F4; border-right: 8px solid transparent; transform: translateY(16px);"></div><div style=" background-color: #F4F4F4; flex-grow: 0; height: 12px; width: 16px; transform: translateY(-4px);"></div><div style=" width: 0; height: 0; border-top: 8px solid #F4F4F4; border-left: 8px solid transparent; transform: translateY(-4px) translateX(8px);"></div></div></div></a> <p style=" margin:8px 0 0 0; padding:0 4px;"><a href="https://www.instagram.com/p/Bv5XDBNnI6x/?utm_source=ig_embed&utm_campaign=loading" style=" color:#000; font-family:Arial,sans-serif; font-size:14px; font-style:normal; font-weight:normal; line-height:17px; text-decoration:none; word-wrap:break-word;" target="_blank">Miss you pa. It’s been a hard year, trying my best to keep it together ... #henglifesg</a></p><p style=" color:#c9c8cd; font-family:Arial,sans-serif; font-size:14px; line-height:17px; margin-bottom:0; margin-top:8px; overflow:hidden; padding:8px 0 7px; text-align:center; text-overflow:ellipsis; white-space:nowrap;">A post shared by <a href="https://www.instagram.com/asliceofheng/?utm_source=ig_embed&utm_campaign=loading" style=" color:#c9c8cd; font-family:Arial,sans-serif; font-size:14px; font-style:normal; font-weight:normal; line-height:17px;" target="_blank"> Andy Heng</a> (@asliceofheng) on <time style=" font-family:Arial,sans-serif; font-size:14px; line-height:17px;" datetime="2019-04-06T01:49:52+00:00">Apr 5, 2019 at 6:49pm PDT</time></p></div></blockquote><script async src="//www.instagram.com/embed.js"></script></center><br />
Had I let “depression” get the better of me? After the reality of how Stroke had impacted my day-to-day, after leaving the comfort and safety of the hospital environment? The slow but steady lurching of self-doubt engulfing my subconsciousness, retarding my personal growth, and lacklustre "career"?<br />
<br />
Had I let the sadness of my Dad’s passing get me down?<br />
<br />
Had I given up the fight?<br />
<br />
The answer might well be YES to all, and the result is what I am feeling right here right now, embraced by the plastic hand-me-down chair (from my brother), sat in front of the desktop computer, in the sanctuary of my bedroom, unwilling to greet the world outside. Well, "most" of the world...<br />
<br />
<center><blockquote class="instagram-media" data-instgrm-captioned data-instgrm-permalink="https://www.instagram.com/p/B0pZZcnHHKK/?utm_source=ig_embed&utm_campaign=loading" data-instgrm-version="12" style=" background:#FFF; border:0; border-radius:3px; box-shadow:0 0 1px 0 rgba(0,0,0,0.5),0 1px 10px 0 rgba(0,0,0,0.15); margin: 1px; max-width:540px; min-width:326px; padding:0; width:99.375%; width:-webkit-calc(100% - 2px); width:calc(100% - 2px);"><div style="padding:16px;"><a href="https://www.instagram.com/p/B0pZZcnHHKK/?utm_source=ig_embed&utm_campaign=loading" style=" background:#FFFFFF; line-height:0; padding:0 0; text-align:center; text-decoration:none; width:100%;" target="_blank"> <div style=" display: flex; flex-direction: row; align-items: center;"><div style="background-color: #F4F4F4; border-radius: 50%; flex-grow: 0; height: 40px; margin-right: 14px; width: 40px;"></div><div style="display: flex; flex-direction: column; flex-grow: 1; justify-content: center;"><div style=" background-color: #F4F4F4; border-radius: 4px; flex-grow: 0; height: 14px; margin-bottom: 6px; width: 100px;"></div><div style=" background-color: #F4F4F4; border-radius: 4px; flex-grow: 0; height: 14px; width: 60px;"></div></div></div><div style="padding: 19% 0;"></div><div style="display:block; height:50px; margin:0 auto 12px; width:50px;"><svg width="50px" height="50px" viewBox="0 0 60 60" version="1.1" xmlns="https://www.w3.org/2000/svg" xmlns:xlink="https://www.w3.org/1999/xlink"><g stroke="none" stroke-width="1" fill="none" fill-rule="evenodd"><g transform="translate(-511.000000, -20.000000)" fill="#000000"><g><path d="M556.869,30.41 C554.814,30.41 553.148,32.076 553.148,34.131 C553.148,36.186 554.814,37.852 556.869,37.852 C558.924,37.852 560.59,36.186 560.59,34.131 C560.59,32.076 558.924,30.41 556.869,30.41 M541,60.657 C535.114,60.657 530.342,55.887 530.342,50 C530.342,44.114 535.114,39.342 541,39.342 C546.887,39.342 551.658,44.114 551.658,50 C551.658,55.887 546.887,60.657 541,60.657 M541,33.886 C532.1,33.886 524.886,41.1 524.886,50 C524.886,58.899 532.1,66.113 541,66.113 C549.9,66.113 557.115,58.899 557.115,50 C557.115,41.1 549.9,33.886 541,33.886 M565.378,62.101 C565.244,65.022 564.756,66.606 564.346,67.663 C563.803,69.06 563.154,70.057 562.106,71.106 C561.058,72.155 560.06,72.803 558.662,73.347 C557.607,73.757 556.021,74.244 553.102,74.378 C549.944,74.521 548.997,74.552 541,74.552 C533.003,74.552 532.056,74.521 528.898,74.378 C525.979,74.244 524.393,73.757 523.338,73.347 C521.94,72.803 520.942,72.155 519.894,71.106 C518.846,70.057 518.197,69.06 517.654,67.663 C517.244,66.606 516.755,65.022 516.623,62.101 C516.479,58.943 516.448,57.996 516.448,50 C516.448,42.003 516.479,41.056 516.623,37.899 C516.755,34.978 517.244,33.391 517.654,32.338 C518.197,30.938 518.846,29.942 519.894,28.894 C520.942,27.846 521.94,27.196 523.338,26.654 C524.393,26.244 525.979,25.756 528.898,25.623 C532.057,25.479 533.004,25.448 541,25.448 C548.997,25.448 549.943,25.479 553.102,25.623 C556.021,25.756 557.607,26.244 558.662,26.654 C560.06,27.196 561.058,27.846 562.106,28.894 C563.154,29.942 563.803,30.938 564.346,32.338 C564.756,33.391 565.244,34.978 565.378,37.899 C565.522,41.056 565.552,42.003 565.552,50 C565.552,57.996 565.522,58.943 565.378,62.101 M570.82,37.631 C570.674,34.438 570.167,32.258 569.425,30.349 C568.659,28.377 567.633,26.702 565.965,25.035 C564.297,23.368 562.623,22.342 560.652,21.575 C558.743,20.834 556.562,20.326 553.369,20.18 C550.169,20.033 549.148,20 541,20 C532.853,20 531.831,20.033 528.631,20.18 C525.438,20.326 523.257,20.834 521.349,21.575 C519.376,22.342 517.703,23.368 516.035,25.035 C514.368,26.702 513.342,28.377 512.574,30.349 C511.834,32.258 511.326,34.438 511.181,37.631 C511.035,40.831 511,41.851 511,50 C511,58.147 511.035,59.17 511.181,62.369 C511.326,65.562 511.834,67.743 512.574,69.651 C513.342,71.625 514.368,73.296 516.035,74.965 C517.703,76.634 519.376,77.658 521.349,78.425 C523.257,79.167 525.438,79.673 528.631,79.82 C531.831,79.965 532.853,80.001 541,80.001 C549.148,80.001 550.169,79.965 553.369,79.82 C556.562,79.673 558.743,79.167 560.652,78.425 C562.623,77.658 564.297,76.634 565.965,74.965 C567.633,73.296 568.659,71.625 569.425,69.651 C570.167,67.743 570.674,65.562 570.82,62.369 C570.966,59.17 571,58.147 571,50 C571,41.851 570.966,40.831 570.82,37.631"></path></g></g></g></svg></div><div style="padding-top: 8px;"><div style=" color:#3897f0; font-family:Arial,sans-serif; font-size:14px; font-style:normal; font-weight:550; line-height:18px;">View this post on Instagram</div></div><div style="padding: 12.5% 0;"></div><div style="display: flex; flex-direction: row; margin-bottom: 14px; align-items: center;"><div><div style="background-color: #F4F4F4; border-radius: 50%; height: 12.5px; width: 12.5px; transform: translateX(0px) translateY(7px);"></div><div style="background-color: #F4F4F4; height: 12.5px; transform: rotate(-45deg) translateX(3px) translateY(1px); width: 12.5px; flex-grow: 0; margin-right: 14px; margin-left: 2px;"></div><div style="background-color: #F4F4F4; border-radius: 50%; height: 12.5px; width: 12.5px; transform: translateX(9px) translateY(-18px);"></div></div><div style="margin-left: 8px;"><div style=" background-color: #F4F4F4; border-radius: 50%; flex-grow: 0; height: 20px; width: 20px;"></div><div style=" width: 0; height: 0; border-top: 2px solid transparent; border-left: 6px solid #f4f4f4; border-bottom: 2px solid transparent; transform: translateX(16px) translateY(-4px) rotate(30deg)"></div></div><div style="margin-left: auto;"><div style=" width: 0px; border-top: 8px solid #F4F4F4; border-right: 8px solid transparent; transform: translateY(16px);"></div><div style=" background-color: #F4F4F4; flex-grow: 0; height: 12px; width: 16px; transform: translateY(-4px);"></div><div style=" width: 0; height: 0; border-top: 8px solid #F4F4F4; border-left: 8px solid transparent; transform: translateY(-4px) translateX(8px);"></div></div></div></a> <p style=" margin:8px 0 0 0; padding:0 4px;"><a href="https://www.instagram.com/p/B0pZZcnHHKK/?utm_source=ig_embed&utm_campaign=loading" style=" color:#000; font-family:Arial,sans-serif; font-size:14px; font-style:normal; font-weight:normal; line-height:17px; text-decoration:none; word-wrap:break-word;" target="_blank">Woke up Thursday morning with an intense sharp pain in my feet, specifically the big toe, fearing it was the effect of diabetes, or even witch-craft (1st day of Hungry Ghost month lol)... it was not until later in the afternoon, when I realised that part of the feet was swelling, that more likely I twisted/sprained myself while sleeping (wtf?). I’ve had decent relieve with sprayed meds, but only decided to wrap it with cold compress Friday morning, while watching tv, and a host of blogposts waiting for me in the desktop ... times like these I wished my laptop hadn’t died on me ... Have a Good Friday, folks! #henglifesg</a></p><p style=" color:#c9c8cd; font-family:Arial,sans-serif; font-size:14px; line-height:17px; margin-bottom:0; margin-top:8px; overflow:hidden; padding:8px 0 7px; text-align:center; text-overflow:ellipsis; white-space:nowrap;">A post shared by <a href="https://www.instagram.com/asliceofheng/?utm_source=ig_embed&utm_campaign=loading" style=" color:#c9c8cd; font-family:Arial,sans-serif; font-size:14px; font-style:normal; font-weight:normal; line-height:17px;" target="_blank"> Andy Heng</a> (@asliceofheng) on <time style=" font-family:Arial,sans-serif; font-size:14px; line-height:17px;" datetime="2019-08-02T03:39:32+00:00">Aug 1, 2019 at 8:39pm PDT</time></p></div></blockquote><script async src="//www.instagram.com/embed.js"></script></center><br />
I experienced <a href="https://stroke41.blogspot.com/2019/08/the-onset-of-gout.html" target="_blank"><u>GOUT for the first time</u></a>, not long ago - both feet back-to-back too - due to the unhealthy levels of Uric acid built-up within me (stemming from deteriorating Kidney), so much so that my doctor shakes his head and frowns - something I never see him do, so THAT worries me in return. I had oft said in the past "if you are not worried, I would not be"... <i>BUT</i> if you ARE...?<br />
<br />
<center><blockquote class="instagram-media" data-instgrm-captioned data-instgrm-permalink="https://www.instagram.com/p/B1PyL0UnEmO/?utm_source=ig_embed&utm_campaign=loading" data-instgrm-version="12" style=" background:#FFF; border:0; border-radius:3px; box-shadow:0 0 1px 0 rgba(0,0,0,0.5),0 1px 10px 0 rgba(0,0,0,0.15); margin: 1px; max-width:540px; min-width:326px; padding:0; width:99.375%; width:-webkit-calc(100% - 2px); width:calc(100% - 2px);"><div style="padding:16px;"><a href="https://www.instagram.com/p/B1PyL0UnEmO/?utm_source=ig_embed&utm_campaign=loading" style=" background:#FFFFFF; line-height:0; padding:0 0; text-align:center; text-decoration:none; width:100%;" target="_blank"> <div style=" display: flex; flex-direction: row; align-items: center;"><div style="background-color: #F4F4F4; border-radius: 50%; flex-grow: 0; height: 40px; margin-right: 14px; width: 40px;"></div><div style="display: flex; flex-direction: column; flex-grow: 1; justify-content: center;"><div style=" background-color: #F4F4F4; border-radius: 4px; flex-grow: 0; height: 14px; margin-bottom: 6px; width: 100px;"></div><div style=" background-color: #F4F4F4; border-radius: 4px; flex-grow: 0; height: 14px; width: 60px;"></div></div></div><div style="padding: 19% 0;"></div><div style="display:block; height:50px; margin:0 auto 12px; width:50px;"><svg width="50px" height="50px" viewBox="0 0 60 60" version="1.1" xmlns="https://www.w3.org/2000/svg" xmlns:xlink="https://www.w3.org/1999/xlink"><g stroke="none" stroke-width="1" fill="none" fill-rule="evenodd"><g transform="translate(-511.000000, -20.000000)" fill="#000000"><g><path d="M556.869,30.41 C554.814,30.41 553.148,32.076 553.148,34.131 C553.148,36.186 554.814,37.852 556.869,37.852 C558.924,37.852 560.59,36.186 560.59,34.131 C560.59,32.076 558.924,30.41 556.869,30.41 M541,60.657 C535.114,60.657 530.342,55.887 530.342,50 C530.342,44.114 535.114,39.342 541,39.342 C546.887,39.342 551.658,44.114 551.658,50 C551.658,55.887 546.887,60.657 541,60.657 M541,33.886 C532.1,33.886 524.886,41.1 524.886,50 C524.886,58.899 532.1,66.113 541,66.113 C549.9,66.113 557.115,58.899 557.115,50 C557.115,41.1 549.9,33.886 541,33.886 M565.378,62.101 C565.244,65.022 564.756,66.606 564.346,67.663 C563.803,69.06 563.154,70.057 562.106,71.106 C561.058,72.155 560.06,72.803 558.662,73.347 C557.607,73.757 556.021,74.244 553.102,74.378 C549.944,74.521 548.997,74.552 541,74.552 C533.003,74.552 532.056,74.521 528.898,74.378 C525.979,74.244 524.393,73.757 523.338,73.347 C521.94,72.803 520.942,72.155 519.894,71.106 C518.846,70.057 518.197,69.06 517.654,67.663 C517.244,66.606 516.755,65.022 516.623,62.101 C516.479,58.943 516.448,57.996 516.448,50 C516.448,42.003 516.479,41.056 516.623,37.899 C516.755,34.978 517.244,33.391 517.654,32.338 C518.197,30.938 518.846,29.942 519.894,28.894 C520.942,27.846 521.94,27.196 523.338,26.654 C524.393,26.244 525.979,25.756 528.898,25.623 C532.057,25.479 533.004,25.448 541,25.448 C548.997,25.448 549.943,25.479 553.102,25.623 C556.021,25.756 557.607,26.244 558.662,26.654 C560.06,27.196 561.058,27.846 562.106,28.894 C563.154,29.942 563.803,30.938 564.346,32.338 C564.756,33.391 565.244,34.978 565.378,37.899 C565.522,41.056 565.552,42.003 565.552,50 C565.552,57.996 565.522,58.943 565.378,62.101 M570.82,37.631 C570.674,34.438 570.167,32.258 569.425,30.349 C568.659,28.377 567.633,26.702 565.965,25.035 C564.297,23.368 562.623,22.342 560.652,21.575 C558.743,20.834 556.562,20.326 553.369,20.18 C550.169,20.033 549.148,20 541,20 C532.853,20 531.831,20.033 528.631,20.18 C525.438,20.326 523.257,20.834 521.349,21.575 C519.376,22.342 517.703,23.368 516.035,25.035 C514.368,26.702 513.342,28.377 512.574,30.349 C511.834,32.258 511.326,34.438 511.181,37.631 C511.035,40.831 511,41.851 511,50 C511,58.147 511.035,59.17 511.181,62.369 C511.326,65.562 511.834,67.743 512.574,69.651 C513.342,71.625 514.368,73.296 516.035,74.965 C517.703,76.634 519.376,77.658 521.349,78.425 C523.257,79.167 525.438,79.673 528.631,79.82 C531.831,79.965 532.853,80.001 541,80.001 C549.148,80.001 550.169,79.965 553.369,79.82 C556.562,79.673 558.743,79.167 560.652,78.425 C562.623,77.658 564.297,76.634 565.965,74.965 C567.633,73.296 568.659,71.625 569.425,69.651 C570.167,67.743 570.674,65.562 570.82,62.369 C570.966,59.17 571,58.147 571,50 C571,41.851 570.966,40.831 570.82,37.631"></path></g></g></g></svg></div><div style="padding-top: 8px;"><div style=" color:#3897f0; font-family:Arial,sans-serif; font-size:14px; font-style:normal; font-weight:550; line-height:18px;">View this post on Instagram</div></div><div style="padding: 12.5% 0;"></div><div style="display: flex; flex-direction: row; margin-bottom: 14px; align-items: center;"><div><div style="background-color: #F4F4F4; border-radius: 50%; height: 12.5px; width: 12.5px; transform: translateX(0px) translateY(7px);"></div><div style="background-color: #F4F4F4; height: 12.5px; transform: rotate(-45deg) translateX(3px) translateY(1px); width: 12.5px; flex-grow: 0; margin-right: 14px; margin-left: 2px;"></div><div style="background-color: #F4F4F4; border-radius: 50%; height: 12.5px; width: 12.5px; transform: translateX(9px) translateY(-18px);"></div></div><div style="margin-left: 8px;"><div style=" background-color: #F4F4F4; border-radius: 50%; flex-grow: 0; height: 20px; width: 20px;"></div><div style=" width: 0; height: 0; border-top: 2px solid transparent; border-left: 6px solid #f4f4f4; border-bottom: 2px solid transparent; transform: translateX(16px) translateY(-4px) rotate(30deg)"></div></div><div style="margin-left: auto;"><div style=" width: 0px; border-top: 8px solid #F4F4F4; border-right: 8px solid transparent; transform: translateY(16px);"></div><div style=" background-color: #F4F4F4; flex-grow: 0; height: 12px; width: 16px; transform: translateY(-4px);"></div><div style=" width: 0; height: 0; border-top: 8px solid #F4F4F4; border-left: 8px solid transparent; transform: translateY(-4px) translateX(8px);"></div></div></div></a> <p style=" margin:8px 0 0 0; padding:0 4px;"><a href="https://www.instagram.com/p/B1PyL0UnEmO/?utm_source=ig_embed&utm_campaign=loading" style=" color:#000; font-family:Arial,sans-serif; font-size:14px; font-style:normal; font-weight:normal; line-height:17px; text-decoration:none; word-wrap:break-word;" target="_blank">Guess whose virgin gout attack has since moved from right feet to swollen left feet? From over a week in the toe region of my right feet, now the red swelling of the center of my left, it’s hard enough to be “trapped” indoors with pain, but even harder to focus to blog ... but watching shows are a treat! Took me 6 episodes to be “hooked” on kdrama #whenthedevilcallsyourname, and has started on the 2nd season of #Mindhunter on Netflix. #goutlife #henglifesg</a></p><p style=" color:#c9c8cd; font-family:Arial,sans-serif; font-size:14px; line-height:17px; margin-bottom:0; margin-top:8px; overflow:hidden; padding:8px 0 7px; text-align:center; text-overflow:ellipsis; white-space:nowrap;">A post shared by <a href="https://www.instagram.com/asliceofheng/?utm_source=ig_embed&utm_campaign=loading" style=" color:#c9c8cd; font-family:Arial,sans-serif; font-size:14px; font-style:normal; font-weight:normal; line-height:17px;" target="_blank"> Andy Heng</a> (@asliceofheng) on <time style=" font-family:Arial,sans-serif; font-size:14px; line-height:17px;" datetime="2019-08-17T01:27:16+00:00">Aug 16, 2019 at 6:27pm PDT</time></p></div></blockquote><script async src="//www.instagram.com/embed.js"></script></center><br />
And my diet has since altered to not include red meat, beans, some seafood (I have a "list" ... damned that long list...), and all matter of yummies I had been indulging in through these heady years, which frankly some yums I should have abstained from, in the first place. Yums I had posted images of, which well-meaning folks constantly giving me shit about (Thank You for this who bother to)...<br />
<br />
And it was not as if the onset of Gout was particularly painful - <b>of course it also was lah knn</b> - <i>but enough to make me alter my diet?</i><br />
<br />
<center><blockquote class="instagram-media" data-instgrm-captioned data-instgrm-permalink="https://www.instagram.com/p/B0x_629nc6B/?utm_source=ig_embed&utm_campaign=loading" data-instgrm-version="12" style=" background:#FFF; border:0; border-radius:3px; box-shadow:0 0 1px 0 rgba(0,0,0,0.5),0 1px 10px 0 rgba(0,0,0,0.15); margin: 1px; max-width:540px; min-width:326px; padding:0; width:99.375%; width:-webkit-calc(100% - 2px); width:calc(100% - 2px);"><div style="padding:16px;"><a href="https://www.instagram.com/p/B0x_629nc6B/?utm_source=ig_embed&utm_campaign=loading" style=" background:#FFFFFF; line-height:0; padding:0 0; text-align:center; text-decoration:none; width:100%;" target="_blank"> <div style=" display: flex; flex-direction: row; align-items: center;"><div style="background-color: #F4F4F4; border-radius: 50%; flex-grow: 0; height: 40px; margin-right: 14px; width: 40px;"></div><div style="display: flex; flex-direction: column; flex-grow: 1; justify-content: center;"><div style=" background-color: #F4F4F4; border-radius: 4px; flex-grow: 0; height: 14px; margin-bottom: 6px; width: 100px;"></div><div style=" background-color: #F4F4F4; border-radius: 4px; flex-grow: 0; height: 14px; width: 60px;"></div></div></div><div style="padding: 19% 0;"></div><div style="display:block; height:50px; margin:0 auto 12px; width:50px;"><svg width="50px" height="50px" viewBox="0 0 60 60" version="1.1" xmlns="https://www.w3.org/2000/svg" xmlns:xlink="https://www.w3.org/1999/xlink"><g stroke="none" stroke-width="1" fill="none" fill-rule="evenodd"><g transform="translate(-511.000000, -20.000000)" fill="#000000"><g><path d="M556.869,30.41 C554.814,30.41 553.148,32.076 553.148,34.131 C553.148,36.186 554.814,37.852 556.869,37.852 C558.924,37.852 560.59,36.186 560.59,34.131 C560.59,32.076 558.924,30.41 556.869,30.41 M541,60.657 C535.114,60.657 530.342,55.887 530.342,50 C530.342,44.114 535.114,39.342 541,39.342 C546.887,39.342 551.658,44.114 551.658,50 C551.658,55.887 546.887,60.657 541,60.657 M541,33.886 C532.1,33.886 524.886,41.1 524.886,50 C524.886,58.899 532.1,66.113 541,66.113 C549.9,66.113 557.115,58.899 557.115,50 C557.115,41.1 549.9,33.886 541,33.886 M565.378,62.101 C565.244,65.022 564.756,66.606 564.346,67.663 C563.803,69.06 563.154,70.057 562.106,71.106 C561.058,72.155 560.06,72.803 558.662,73.347 C557.607,73.757 556.021,74.244 553.102,74.378 C549.944,74.521 548.997,74.552 541,74.552 C533.003,74.552 532.056,74.521 528.898,74.378 C525.979,74.244 524.393,73.757 523.338,73.347 C521.94,72.803 520.942,72.155 519.894,71.106 C518.846,70.057 518.197,69.06 517.654,67.663 C517.244,66.606 516.755,65.022 516.623,62.101 C516.479,58.943 516.448,57.996 516.448,50 C516.448,42.003 516.479,41.056 516.623,37.899 C516.755,34.978 517.244,33.391 517.654,32.338 C518.197,30.938 518.846,29.942 519.894,28.894 C520.942,27.846 521.94,27.196 523.338,26.654 C524.393,26.244 525.979,25.756 528.898,25.623 C532.057,25.479 533.004,25.448 541,25.448 C548.997,25.448 549.943,25.479 553.102,25.623 C556.021,25.756 557.607,26.244 558.662,26.654 C560.06,27.196 561.058,27.846 562.106,28.894 C563.154,29.942 563.803,30.938 564.346,32.338 C564.756,33.391 565.244,34.978 565.378,37.899 C565.522,41.056 565.552,42.003 565.552,50 C565.552,57.996 565.522,58.943 565.378,62.101 M570.82,37.631 C570.674,34.438 570.167,32.258 569.425,30.349 C568.659,28.377 567.633,26.702 565.965,25.035 C564.297,23.368 562.623,22.342 560.652,21.575 C558.743,20.834 556.562,20.326 553.369,20.18 C550.169,20.033 549.148,20 541,20 C532.853,20 531.831,20.033 528.631,20.18 C525.438,20.326 523.257,20.834 521.349,21.575 C519.376,22.342 517.703,23.368 516.035,25.035 C514.368,26.702 513.342,28.377 512.574,30.349 C511.834,32.258 511.326,34.438 511.181,37.631 C511.035,40.831 511,41.851 511,50 C511,58.147 511.035,59.17 511.181,62.369 C511.326,65.562 511.834,67.743 512.574,69.651 C513.342,71.625 514.368,73.296 516.035,74.965 C517.703,76.634 519.376,77.658 521.349,78.425 C523.257,79.167 525.438,79.673 528.631,79.82 C531.831,79.965 532.853,80.001 541,80.001 C549.148,80.001 550.169,79.965 553.369,79.82 C556.562,79.673 558.743,79.167 560.652,78.425 C562.623,77.658 564.297,76.634 565.965,74.965 C567.633,73.296 568.659,71.625 569.425,69.651 C570.167,67.743 570.674,65.562 570.82,62.369 C570.966,59.17 571,58.147 571,50 C571,41.851 570.966,40.831 570.82,37.631"></path></g></g></g></svg></div><div style="padding-top: 8px;"><div style=" color:#3897f0; font-family:Arial,sans-serif; font-size:14px; font-style:normal; font-weight:550; line-height:18px;">View this post on Instagram</div></div><div style="padding: 12.5% 0;"></div><div style="display: flex; flex-direction: row; margin-bottom: 14px; align-items: center;"><div><div style="background-color: #F4F4F4; border-radius: 50%; height: 12.5px; width: 12.5px; transform: translateX(0px) translateY(7px);"></div><div style="background-color: #F4F4F4; height: 12.5px; transform: rotate(-45deg) translateX(3px) translateY(1px); width: 12.5px; flex-grow: 0; margin-right: 14px; margin-left: 2px;"></div><div style="background-color: #F4F4F4; border-radius: 50%; height: 12.5px; width: 12.5px; transform: translateX(9px) translateY(-18px);"></div></div><div style="margin-left: 8px;"><div style=" background-color: #F4F4F4; border-radius: 50%; flex-grow: 0; height: 20px; width: 20px;"></div><div style=" width: 0; height: 0; border-top: 2px solid transparent; border-left: 6px solid #f4f4f4; border-bottom: 2px solid transparent; transform: translateX(16px) translateY(-4px) rotate(30deg)"></div></div><div style="margin-left: auto;"><div style=" width: 0px; border-top: 8px solid #F4F4F4; border-right: 8px solid transparent; transform: translateY(16px);"></div><div style=" background-color: #F4F4F4; flex-grow: 0; height: 12px; width: 16px; transform: translateY(-4px);"></div><div style=" width: 0; height: 0; border-top: 8px solid #F4F4F4; border-left: 8px solid transparent; transform: translateY(-4px) translateX(8px);"></div></div></div></a> <p style=" margin:8px 0 0 0; padding:0 4px;"><a href="https://www.instagram.com/p/B0x_629nc6B/?utm_source=ig_embed&utm_campaign=loading" style=" color:#000; font-family:Arial,sans-serif; font-size:14px; font-style:normal; font-weight:normal; line-height:17px; text-decoration:none; word-wrap:break-word;" target="_blank">#henglifesg still needs to go on, innit? Gout or not, pain or not, I refuse to just sit at home and mope (but of course lesser pain today lah, so can hobble outdoors heehee). #singaporelife</a></p><p style=" color:#c9c8cd; font-family:Arial,sans-serif; font-size:14px; line-height:17px; margin-bottom:0; margin-top:8px; overflow:hidden; padding:8px 0 7px; text-align:center; text-overflow:ellipsis; white-space:nowrap;">A post shared by <a href="https://www.instagram.com/asliceofheng/?utm_source=ig_embed&utm_campaign=loading" style=" color:#c9c8cd; font-family:Arial,sans-serif; font-size:14px; font-style:normal; font-weight:normal; line-height:17px;" target="_blank"> Andy Heng</a> (@asliceofheng) on <time style=" font-family:Arial,sans-serif; font-size:14px; line-height:17px;" datetime="2019-08-05T11:50:04+00:00">Aug 5, 2019 at 4:50am PDT</time></p></div></blockquote><script async src="//www.instagram.com/embed.js"></script></center><br />
Let me put it this way: Having experienced the past nine years without physical pain, I had taken for granted what I put into my body (*Shouldn't be JUST "less sugar less salt", of course), and now with the pain being quite literally a nerve-wrecking alarm-clock to my addled brain, I have since taken to salads and more greens in my life.<br />
<br />
The upside was, I lost 2kgs within the first two weeks of my “new” diet, along with (semi) regular exercise, which had since been halted due to the bullshit-reason of “haze” (AKA “my own self-given bullshit”), and more likely gained back what I had lost.<br />
<br />
The dietary plan continues in earnest. The haze has since been replaced with sun and drizzles, so I've no excuses now too, right?<br />
<br />
*cough*<br />
<br />
<center><blockquote class="instagram-media" data-instgrm-captioned data-instgrm-permalink="https://www.instagram.com/p/B2bKzBaHUgI/?utm_source=ig_embed&utm_campaign=loading" data-instgrm-version="12" style=" background:#FFF; border:0; border-radius:3px; box-shadow:0 0 1px 0 rgba(0,0,0,0.5),0 1px 10px 0 rgba(0,0,0,0.15); margin: 1px; max-width:540px; min-width:326px; padding:0; width:99.375%; width:-webkit-calc(100% - 2px); width:calc(100% - 2px);"><div style="padding:16px;"><a href="https://www.instagram.com/p/B2bKzBaHUgI/?utm_source=ig_embed&utm_campaign=loading" style=" background:#FFFFFF; line-height:0; padding:0 0; text-align:center; text-decoration:none; width:100%;" target="_blank"> <div style=" display: flex; flex-direction: row; align-items: center;"><div style="background-color: #F4F4F4; border-radius: 50%; flex-grow: 0; height: 40px; margin-right: 14px; width: 40px;"></div><div style="display: flex; flex-direction: column; flex-grow: 1; justify-content: center;"><div style=" background-color: #F4F4F4; border-radius: 4px; flex-grow: 0; height: 14px; margin-bottom: 6px; width: 100px;"></div><div style=" background-color: #F4F4F4; border-radius: 4px; flex-grow: 0; height: 14px; width: 60px;"></div></div></div><div style="padding: 19% 0;"></div><div style="display:block; height:50px; margin:0 auto 12px; width:50px;"><svg width="50px" height="50px" viewBox="0 0 60 60" version="1.1" xmlns="https://www.w3.org/2000/svg" xmlns:xlink="https://www.w3.org/1999/xlink"><g stroke="none" stroke-width="1" fill="none" fill-rule="evenodd"><g transform="translate(-511.000000, -20.000000)" fill="#000000"><g><path d="M556.869,30.41 C554.814,30.41 553.148,32.076 553.148,34.131 C553.148,36.186 554.814,37.852 556.869,37.852 C558.924,37.852 560.59,36.186 560.59,34.131 C560.59,32.076 558.924,30.41 556.869,30.41 M541,60.657 C535.114,60.657 530.342,55.887 530.342,50 C530.342,44.114 535.114,39.342 541,39.342 C546.887,39.342 551.658,44.114 551.658,50 C551.658,55.887 546.887,60.657 541,60.657 M541,33.886 C532.1,33.886 524.886,41.1 524.886,50 C524.886,58.899 532.1,66.113 541,66.113 C549.9,66.113 557.115,58.899 557.115,50 C557.115,41.1 549.9,33.886 541,33.886 M565.378,62.101 C565.244,65.022 564.756,66.606 564.346,67.663 C563.803,69.06 563.154,70.057 562.106,71.106 C561.058,72.155 560.06,72.803 558.662,73.347 C557.607,73.757 556.021,74.244 553.102,74.378 C549.944,74.521 548.997,74.552 541,74.552 C533.003,74.552 532.056,74.521 528.898,74.378 C525.979,74.244 524.393,73.757 523.338,73.347 C521.94,72.803 520.942,72.155 519.894,71.106 C518.846,70.057 518.197,69.06 517.654,67.663 C517.244,66.606 516.755,65.022 516.623,62.101 C516.479,58.943 516.448,57.996 516.448,50 C516.448,42.003 516.479,41.056 516.623,37.899 C516.755,34.978 517.244,33.391 517.654,32.338 C518.197,30.938 518.846,29.942 519.894,28.894 C520.942,27.846 521.94,27.196 523.338,26.654 C524.393,26.244 525.979,25.756 528.898,25.623 C532.057,25.479 533.004,25.448 541,25.448 C548.997,25.448 549.943,25.479 553.102,25.623 C556.021,25.756 557.607,26.244 558.662,26.654 C560.06,27.196 561.058,27.846 562.106,28.894 C563.154,29.942 563.803,30.938 564.346,32.338 C564.756,33.391 565.244,34.978 565.378,37.899 C565.522,41.056 565.552,42.003 565.552,50 C565.552,57.996 565.522,58.943 565.378,62.101 M570.82,37.631 C570.674,34.438 570.167,32.258 569.425,30.349 C568.659,28.377 567.633,26.702 565.965,25.035 C564.297,23.368 562.623,22.342 560.652,21.575 C558.743,20.834 556.562,20.326 553.369,20.18 C550.169,20.033 549.148,20 541,20 C532.853,20 531.831,20.033 528.631,20.18 C525.438,20.326 523.257,20.834 521.349,21.575 C519.376,22.342 517.703,23.368 516.035,25.035 C514.368,26.702 513.342,28.377 512.574,30.349 C511.834,32.258 511.326,34.438 511.181,37.631 C511.035,40.831 511,41.851 511,50 C511,58.147 511.035,59.17 511.181,62.369 C511.326,65.562 511.834,67.743 512.574,69.651 C513.342,71.625 514.368,73.296 516.035,74.965 C517.703,76.634 519.376,77.658 521.349,78.425 C523.257,79.167 525.438,79.673 528.631,79.82 C531.831,79.965 532.853,80.001 541,80.001 C549.148,80.001 550.169,79.965 553.369,79.82 C556.562,79.673 558.743,79.167 560.652,78.425 C562.623,77.658 564.297,76.634 565.965,74.965 C567.633,73.296 568.659,71.625 569.425,69.651 C570.167,67.743 570.674,65.562 570.82,62.369 C570.966,59.17 571,58.147 571,50 C571,41.851 570.966,40.831 570.82,37.631"></path></g></g></g></svg></div><div style="padding-top: 8px;"><div style=" color:#3897f0; font-family:Arial,sans-serif; font-size:14px; font-style:normal; font-weight:550; line-height:18px;">View this post on Instagram</div></div><div style="padding: 12.5% 0;"></div><div style="display: flex; flex-direction: row; margin-bottom: 14px; align-items: center;"><div><div style="background-color: #F4F4F4; border-radius: 50%; height: 12.5px; width: 12.5px; transform: translateX(0px) translateY(7px);"></div><div style="background-color: #F4F4F4; height: 12.5px; transform: rotate(-45deg) translateX(3px) translateY(1px); width: 12.5px; flex-grow: 0; margin-right: 14px; margin-left: 2px;"></div><div style="background-color: #F4F4F4; border-radius: 50%; height: 12.5px; width: 12.5px; transform: translateX(9px) translateY(-18px);"></div></div><div style="margin-left: 8px;"><div style=" background-color: #F4F4F4; border-radius: 50%; flex-grow: 0; height: 20px; width: 20px;"></div><div style=" width: 0; height: 0; border-top: 2px solid transparent; border-left: 6px solid #f4f4f4; border-bottom: 2px solid transparent; transform: translateX(16px) translateY(-4px) rotate(30deg)"></div></div><div style="margin-left: auto;"><div style=" width: 0px; border-top: 8px solid #F4F4F4; border-right: 8px solid transparent; transform: translateY(16px);"></div><div style=" background-color: #F4F4F4; flex-grow: 0; height: 12px; width: 16px; transform: translateY(-4px);"></div><div style=" width: 0; height: 0; border-top: 8px solid #F4F4F4; border-left: 8px solid transparent; transform: translateY(-4px) translateX(8px);"></div></div></div></a> <p style=" margin:8px 0 0 0; padding:0 4px;"><a href="https://www.instagram.com/p/B2bKzBaHUgI/?utm_source=ig_embed&utm_campaign=loading" style=" color:#000; font-family:Arial,sans-serif; font-size:14px; font-style:normal; font-weight:normal; line-height:17px; text-decoration:none; word-wrap:break-word;" target="_blank">I started off today, deciding to give in to my desire and buy some chips for consumption later today ... then when I got out to sort out some stuff, gone to the supermarket to stock up on veggies ... then shortly later at home, I remember that I had forgotten to buy chips! So these are some celery sticks for later to munch on instead... so maybe it’s not as “important” as expected ... and my eating habits and tastes has since changed, alas with lingering taste desires hahaha #myeatlife #henglifesg</a></p><p style=" color:#c9c8cd; font-family:Arial,sans-serif; font-size:14px; line-height:17px; margin-bottom:0; margin-top:8px; overflow:hidden; padding:8px 0 7px; text-align:center; text-overflow:ellipsis; white-space:nowrap;">A post shared by <a href="https://www.instagram.com/asliceofheng/?utm_source=ig_embed&utm_campaign=loading" style=" color:#c9c8cd; font-family:Arial,sans-serif; font-size:14px; font-style:normal; font-weight:normal; line-height:17px;" target="_blank"> Andy Heng</a> (@asliceofheng) on <time style=" font-family:Arial,sans-serif; font-size:14px; line-height:17px;" datetime="2019-09-15T08:05:22+00:00">Sep 15, 2019 at 1:05am PDT</time></p></div></blockquote><script async src="//www.instagram.com/embed.js"></script></center><br />
Dieting at home is one thing, but needing to meet friends and break bread together, is another hurdle altogether.<br />
<br />
The thing is, I have burdened people with my health stories for the past nine years, and I quite frankly am past explaining myself - which is unfair to my friends, of course, but it makes "making new friends" a challenge, I admit. All of which leads to be abstaining from people for the past few years ... so to counteract that, I aim to make more new friends this year hahahaha<br />
<br />
I'll just have to learn to surround myself with friends who give a shit, rather than give twofcuks about folks who don't, innit? LOL<br />
<br />
To be fair, one could argue about what "you could do for others", rather than be selfishly whining about what "others could do for you", and it is legit fair, but it takes two hands to clap as well, so let the chips falls as they may, and may we click our kopi-cups together, for the folks who choose to, innit? LOL<br />
<br />
<center><blockquote class="instagram-media" data-instgrm-captioned data-instgrm-permalink="https://www.instagram.com/p/Bza3dX5HQGA/?utm_source=ig_embed&utm_campaign=loading" data-instgrm-version="12" style=" background:#FFF; border:0; border-radius:3px; box-shadow:0 0 1px 0 rgba(0,0,0,0.5),0 1px 10px 0 rgba(0,0,0,0.15); margin: 1px; max-width:540px; min-width:326px; padding:0; width:99.375%; width:-webkit-calc(100% - 2px); width:calc(100% - 2px);"><div style="padding:16px;"><a href="https://www.instagram.com/p/Bza3dX5HQGA/?utm_source=ig_embed&utm_campaign=loading" style=" background:#FFFFFF; line-height:0; padding:0 0; text-align:center; text-decoration:none; width:100%;" target="_blank"> <div style=" display: flex; flex-direction: row; align-items: center;"><div style="background-color: #F4F4F4; border-radius: 50%; flex-grow: 0; height: 40px; margin-right: 14px; width: 40px;"></div><div style="display: flex; flex-direction: column; flex-grow: 1; justify-content: center;"><div style=" background-color: #F4F4F4; border-radius: 4px; flex-grow: 0; height: 14px; margin-bottom: 6px; width: 100px;"></div><div style=" background-color: #F4F4F4; border-radius: 4px; flex-grow: 0; height: 14px; width: 60px;"></div></div></div><div style="padding: 19% 0;"></div><div style="display:block; height:50px; margin:0 auto 12px; width:50px;"><svg width="50px" height="50px" viewBox="0 0 60 60" version="1.1" xmlns="https://www.w3.org/2000/svg" xmlns:xlink="https://www.w3.org/1999/xlink"><g stroke="none" stroke-width="1" fill="none" fill-rule="evenodd"><g transform="translate(-511.000000, -20.000000)" fill="#000000"><g><path d="M556.869,30.41 C554.814,30.41 553.148,32.076 553.148,34.131 C553.148,36.186 554.814,37.852 556.869,37.852 C558.924,37.852 560.59,36.186 560.59,34.131 C560.59,32.076 558.924,30.41 556.869,30.41 M541,60.657 C535.114,60.657 530.342,55.887 530.342,50 C530.342,44.114 535.114,39.342 541,39.342 C546.887,39.342 551.658,44.114 551.658,50 C551.658,55.887 546.887,60.657 541,60.657 M541,33.886 C532.1,33.886 524.886,41.1 524.886,50 C524.886,58.899 532.1,66.113 541,66.113 C549.9,66.113 557.115,58.899 557.115,50 C557.115,41.1 549.9,33.886 541,33.886 M565.378,62.101 C565.244,65.022 564.756,66.606 564.346,67.663 C563.803,69.06 563.154,70.057 562.106,71.106 C561.058,72.155 560.06,72.803 558.662,73.347 C557.607,73.757 556.021,74.244 553.102,74.378 C549.944,74.521 548.997,74.552 541,74.552 C533.003,74.552 532.056,74.521 528.898,74.378 C525.979,74.244 524.393,73.757 523.338,73.347 C521.94,72.803 520.942,72.155 519.894,71.106 C518.846,70.057 518.197,69.06 517.654,67.663 C517.244,66.606 516.755,65.022 516.623,62.101 C516.479,58.943 516.448,57.996 516.448,50 C516.448,42.003 516.479,41.056 516.623,37.899 C516.755,34.978 517.244,33.391 517.654,32.338 C518.197,30.938 518.846,29.942 519.894,28.894 C520.942,27.846 521.94,27.196 523.338,26.654 C524.393,26.244 525.979,25.756 528.898,25.623 C532.057,25.479 533.004,25.448 541,25.448 C548.997,25.448 549.943,25.479 553.102,25.623 C556.021,25.756 557.607,26.244 558.662,26.654 C560.06,27.196 561.058,27.846 562.106,28.894 C563.154,29.942 563.803,30.938 564.346,32.338 C564.756,33.391 565.244,34.978 565.378,37.899 C565.522,41.056 565.552,42.003 565.552,50 C565.552,57.996 565.522,58.943 565.378,62.101 M570.82,37.631 C570.674,34.438 570.167,32.258 569.425,30.349 C568.659,28.377 567.633,26.702 565.965,25.035 C564.297,23.368 562.623,22.342 560.652,21.575 C558.743,20.834 556.562,20.326 553.369,20.18 C550.169,20.033 549.148,20 541,20 C532.853,20 531.831,20.033 528.631,20.18 C525.438,20.326 523.257,20.834 521.349,21.575 C519.376,22.342 517.703,23.368 516.035,25.035 C514.368,26.702 513.342,28.377 512.574,30.349 C511.834,32.258 511.326,34.438 511.181,37.631 C511.035,40.831 511,41.851 511,50 C511,58.147 511.035,59.17 511.181,62.369 C511.326,65.562 511.834,67.743 512.574,69.651 C513.342,71.625 514.368,73.296 516.035,74.965 C517.703,76.634 519.376,77.658 521.349,78.425 C523.257,79.167 525.438,79.673 528.631,79.82 C531.831,79.965 532.853,80.001 541,80.001 C549.148,80.001 550.169,79.965 553.369,79.82 C556.562,79.673 558.743,79.167 560.652,78.425 C562.623,77.658 564.297,76.634 565.965,74.965 C567.633,73.296 568.659,71.625 569.425,69.651 C570.167,67.743 570.674,65.562 570.82,62.369 C570.966,59.17 571,58.147 571,50 C571,41.851 570.966,40.831 570.82,37.631"></path></g></g></g></svg></div><div style="padding-top: 8px;"><div style=" color:#3897f0; font-family:Arial,sans-serif; font-size:14px; font-style:normal; font-weight:550; line-height:18px;">View this post on Instagram</div></div><div style="padding: 12.5% 0;"></div><div style="display: flex; flex-direction: row; margin-bottom: 14px; align-items: center;"><div><div style="background-color: #F4F4F4; border-radius: 50%; height: 12.5px; width: 12.5px; transform: translateX(0px) translateY(7px);"></div><div style="background-color: #F4F4F4; height: 12.5px; transform: rotate(-45deg) translateX(3px) translateY(1px); width: 12.5px; flex-grow: 0; margin-right: 14px; margin-left: 2px;"></div><div style="background-color: #F4F4F4; border-radius: 50%; height: 12.5px; width: 12.5px; transform: translateX(9px) translateY(-18px);"></div></div><div style="margin-left: 8px;"><div style=" background-color: #F4F4F4; border-radius: 50%; flex-grow: 0; height: 20px; width: 20px;"></div><div style=" width: 0; height: 0; border-top: 2px solid transparent; border-left: 6px solid #f4f4f4; border-bottom: 2px solid transparent; transform: translateX(16px) translateY(-4px) rotate(30deg)"></div></div><div style="margin-left: auto;"><div style=" width: 0px; border-top: 8px solid #F4F4F4; border-right: 8px solid transparent; transform: translateY(16px);"></div><div style=" background-color: #F4F4F4; flex-grow: 0; height: 12px; width: 16px; transform: translateY(-4px);"></div><div style=" width: 0; height: 0; border-top: 8px solid #F4F4F4; border-left: 8px solid transparent; transform: translateY(-4px) translateX(8px);"></div></div></div></a> <p style=" margin:8px 0 0 0; padding:0 4px;"><a href="https://www.instagram.com/p/Bza3dX5HQGA/?utm_source=ig_embed&utm_campaign=loading" style=" color:#000; font-family:Arial,sans-serif; font-size:14px; font-style:normal; font-weight:normal; line-height:17px; text-decoration:none; word-wrap:break-word;" target="_blank">Did considered picking this up, if not for the title alone lol</a></p><p style=" color:#c9c8cd; font-family:Arial,sans-serif; font-size:14px; line-height:17px; margin-bottom:0; margin-top:8px; overflow:hidden; padding:8px 0 7px; text-align:center; text-overflow:ellipsis; white-space:nowrap;">A post shared by <a href="https://www.instagram.com/asliceofheng/?utm_source=ig_embed&utm_campaign=loading" style=" color:#c9c8cd; font-family:Arial,sans-serif; font-size:14px; font-style:normal; font-weight:normal; line-height:17px;" target="_blank"> Andy Heng</a> (@asliceofheng) on <time style=" font-family:Arial,sans-serif; font-size:14px; line-height:17px;" datetime="2019-07-02T15:42:12+00:00">Jul 2, 2019 at 8:42am PDT</time></p></div></blockquote><script async src="//www.instagram.com/embed.js"></script></center><br />
This has not particular been a “uplifting year”. The earlier part of 2019 had left me worried about my Kidney and Prostate. Pretty much endless days and nights of worrying about C.T. scan results, and various doctors frowning at my medical tests, kept me personally with constant clenched cheeks and stone sweats in my heart, lemme tell you! LOL<br />
<br />
<center><blockquote class="instagram-media" data-instgrm-captioned data-instgrm-permalink="https://www.instagram.com/p/BwYyA2DHbDB/?utm_source=ig_embed&utm_campaign=loading" data-instgrm-version="12" style=" background:#FFF; border:0; border-radius:3px; box-shadow:0 0 1px 0 rgba(0,0,0,0.5),0 1px 10px 0 rgba(0,0,0,0.15); margin: 1px; max-width:540px; min-width:326px; padding:0; width:99.375%; width:-webkit-calc(100% - 2px); width:calc(100% - 2px);"><div style="padding:16px;"><a href="https://www.instagram.com/p/BwYyA2DHbDB/?utm_source=ig_embed&utm_campaign=loading" style=" background:#FFFFFF; line-height:0; padding:0 0; text-align:center; text-decoration:none; width:100%;" target="_blank"> <div style=" display: flex; flex-direction: row; align-items: center;"><div style="background-color: #F4F4F4; border-radius: 50%; flex-grow: 0; height: 40px; margin-right: 14px; width: 40px;"></div><div style="display: flex; flex-direction: column; flex-grow: 1; justify-content: center;"><div style=" background-color: #F4F4F4; border-radius: 4px; flex-grow: 0; height: 14px; margin-bottom: 6px; width: 100px;"></div><div style=" background-color: #F4F4F4; border-radius: 4px; flex-grow: 0; height: 14px; width: 60px;"></div></div></div><div style="padding: 19% 0;"></div><div style="display:block; height:50px; margin:0 auto 12px; width:50px;"><svg width="50px" height="50px" viewBox="0 0 60 60" version="1.1" xmlns="https://www.w3.org/2000/svg" xmlns:xlink="https://www.w3.org/1999/xlink"><g stroke="none" stroke-width="1" fill="none" fill-rule="evenodd"><g transform="translate(-511.000000, -20.000000)" fill="#000000"><g><path d="M556.869,30.41 C554.814,30.41 553.148,32.076 553.148,34.131 C553.148,36.186 554.814,37.852 556.869,37.852 C558.924,37.852 560.59,36.186 560.59,34.131 C560.59,32.076 558.924,30.41 556.869,30.41 M541,60.657 C535.114,60.657 530.342,55.887 530.342,50 C530.342,44.114 535.114,39.342 541,39.342 C546.887,39.342 551.658,44.114 551.658,50 C551.658,55.887 546.887,60.657 541,60.657 M541,33.886 C532.1,33.886 524.886,41.1 524.886,50 C524.886,58.899 532.1,66.113 541,66.113 C549.9,66.113 557.115,58.899 557.115,50 C557.115,41.1 549.9,33.886 541,33.886 M565.378,62.101 C565.244,65.022 564.756,66.606 564.346,67.663 C563.803,69.06 563.154,70.057 562.106,71.106 C561.058,72.155 560.06,72.803 558.662,73.347 C557.607,73.757 556.021,74.244 553.102,74.378 C549.944,74.521 548.997,74.552 541,74.552 C533.003,74.552 532.056,74.521 528.898,74.378 C525.979,74.244 524.393,73.757 523.338,73.347 C521.94,72.803 520.942,72.155 519.894,71.106 C518.846,70.057 518.197,69.06 517.654,67.663 C517.244,66.606 516.755,65.022 516.623,62.101 C516.479,58.943 516.448,57.996 516.448,50 C516.448,42.003 516.479,41.056 516.623,37.899 C516.755,34.978 517.244,33.391 517.654,32.338 C518.197,30.938 518.846,29.942 519.894,28.894 C520.942,27.846 521.94,27.196 523.338,26.654 C524.393,26.244 525.979,25.756 528.898,25.623 C532.057,25.479 533.004,25.448 541,25.448 C548.997,25.448 549.943,25.479 553.102,25.623 C556.021,25.756 557.607,26.244 558.662,26.654 C560.06,27.196 561.058,27.846 562.106,28.894 C563.154,29.942 563.803,30.938 564.346,32.338 C564.756,33.391 565.244,34.978 565.378,37.899 C565.522,41.056 565.552,42.003 565.552,50 C565.552,57.996 565.522,58.943 565.378,62.101 M570.82,37.631 C570.674,34.438 570.167,32.258 569.425,30.349 C568.659,28.377 567.633,26.702 565.965,25.035 C564.297,23.368 562.623,22.342 560.652,21.575 C558.743,20.834 556.562,20.326 553.369,20.18 C550.169,20.033 549.148,20 541,20 C532.853,20 531.831,20.033 528.631,20.18 C525.438,20.326 523.257,20.834 521.349,21.575 C519.376,22.342 517.703,23.368 516.035,25.035 C514.368,26.702 513.342,28.377 512.574,30.349 C511.834,32.258 511.326,34.438 511.181,37.631 C511.035,40.831 511,41.851 511,50 C511,58.147 511.035,59.17 511.181,62.369 C511.326,65.562 511.834,67.743 512.574,69.651 C513.342,71.625 514.368,73.296 516.035,74.965 C517.703,76.634 519.376,77.658 521.349,78.425 C523.257,79.167 525.438,79.673 528.631,79.82 C531.831,79.965 532.853,80.001 541,80.001 C549.148,80.001 550.169,79.965 553.369,79.82 C556.562,79.673 558.743,79.167 560.652,78.425 C562.623,77.658 564.297,76.634 565.965,74.965 C567.633,73.296 568.659,71.625 569.425,69.651 C570.167,67.743 570.674,65.562 570.82,62.369 C570.966,59.17 571,58.147 571,50 C571,41.851 570.966,40.831 570.82,37.631"></path></g></g></g></svg></div><div style="padding-top: 8px;"><div style=" color:#3897f0; font-family:Arial,sans-serif; font-size:14px; font-style:normal; font-weight:550; line-height:18px;">View this post on Instagram</div></div><div style="padding: 12.5% 0;"></div><div style="display: flex; flex-direction: row; margin-bottom: 14px; align-items: center;"><div><div style="background-color: #F4F4F4; border-radius: 50%; height: 12.5px; width: 12.5px; transform: translateX(0px) translateY(7px);"></div><div style="background-color: #F4F4F4; height: 12.5px; transform: rotate(-45deg) translateX(3px) translateY(1px); width: 12.5px; flex-grow: 0; margin-right: 14px; margin-left: 2px;"></div><div style="background-color: #F4F4F4; border-radius: 50%; height: 12.5px; width: 12.5px; transform: translateX(9px) translateY(-18px);"></div></div><div style="margin-left: 8px;"><div style=" background-color: #F4F4F4; border-radius: 50%; flex-grow: 0; height: 20px; width: 20px;"></div><div style=" width: 0; height: 0; border-top: 2px solid transparent; border-left: 6px solid #f4f4f4; border-bottom: 2px solid transparent; transform: translateX(16px) translateY(-4px) rotate(30deg)"></div></div><div style="margin-left: auto;"><div style=" width: 0px; border-top: 8px solid #F4F4F4; border-right: 8px solid transparent; transform: translateY(16px);"></div><div style=" background-color: #F4F4F4; flex-grow: 0; height: 12px; width: 16px; transform: translateY(-4px);"></div><div style=" width: 0; height: 0; border-top: 8px solid #F4F4F4; border-left: 8px solid transparent; transform: translateY(-4px) translateX(8px);"></div></div></div></a> <p style=" margin:8px 0 0 0; padding:0 4px;"><a href="https://www.instagram.com/p/BwYyA2DHbDB/?utm_source=ig_embed&utm_campaign=loading" style=" color:#000; font-family:Arial,sans-serif; font-size:14px; font-style:normal; font-weight:normal; line-height:17px; text-decoration:none; word-wrap:break-word;" target="_blank">Feeling kinda “magic” today... :p #henglifesg</a></p><p style=" color:#c9c8cd; font-family:Arial,sans-serif; font-size:14px; line-height:17px; margin-bottom:0; margin-top:8px; overflow:hidden; padding:8px 0 7px; text-align:center; text-overflow:ellipsis; white-space:nowrap;">A post shared by <a href="https://www.instagram.com/asliceofheng/?utm_source=ig_embed&utm_campaign=loading" style=" color:#c9c8cd; font-family:Arial,sans-serif; font-size:14px; font-style:normal; font-weight:normal; line-height:17px;" target="_blank"> Andy Heng</a> (@asliceofheng) on <time style=" font-family:Arial,sans-serif; font-size:14px; line-height:17px;" datetime="2019-04-18T06:41:57+00:00">Apr 17, 2019 at 11:41pm PDT</time></p></div></blockquote><script async src="//www.instagram.com/embed.js"></script></center><br />
I have since learnt that I no longer mind spending money on tests to give myself a peace of mind, and that even if I am worrying “over nothing”, it is for myself to feel, and no one else’s to bother about, and have since learnt not to hope nor expect anything from anyone in return, family notwithstanding.<br />
<br />
And while I appreciate all advice and words of encouragement and support all around, I do not expect sympathy nor am I soliciting for anything beyond a silent understanding. But man, "eating tips" are ALWAYS appreciated freely hahaha<br />
<br />
<center><blockquote class="instagram-media" data-instgrm-captioned data-instgrm-permalink="https://www.instagram.com/p/BzeWkf4nQsS/?utm_source=ig_embed&utm_campaign=loading" data-instgrm-version="12" style=" background:#FFF; border:0; border-radius:3px; box-shadow:0 0 1px 0 rgba(0,0,0,0.5),0 1px 10px 0 rgba(0,0,0,0.15); margin: 1px; max-width:540px; min-width:326px; padding:0; width:99.375%; width:-webkit-calc(100% - 2px); width:calc(100% - 2px);"><div style="padding:16px;"><a href="https://www.instagram.com/p/BzeWkf4nQsS/?utm_source=ig_embed&utm_campaign=loading" style=" background:#FFFFFF; line-height:0; padding:0 0; text-align:center; text-decoration:none; width:100%;" target="_blank"> <div style=" display: flex; flex-direction: row; align-items: center;"><div style="background-color: #F4F4F4; border-radius: 50%; flex-grow: 0; height: 40px; margin-right: 14px; width: 40px;"></div><div style="display: flex; flex-direction: column; flex-grow: 1; justify-content: center;"><div style=" background-color: #F4F4F4; border-radius: 4px; flex-grow: 0; height: 14px; margin-bottom: 6px; width: 100px;"></div><div style=" background-color: #F4F4F4; border-radius: 4px; flex-grow: 0; height: 14px; width: 60px;"></div></div></div><div style="padding: 19% 0;"></div><div style="display:block; height:50px; margin:0 auto 12px; width:50px;"><svg width="50px" height="50px" viewBox="0 0 60 60" version="1.1" xmlns="https://www.w3.org/2000/svg" xmlns:xlink="https://www.w3.org/1999/xlink"><g stroke="none" stroke-width="1" fill="none" fill-rule="evenodd"><g transform="translate(-511.000000, -20.000000)" fill="#000000"><g><path d="M556.869,30.41 C554.814,30.41 553.148,32.076 553.148,34.131 C553.148,36.186 554.814,37.852 556.869,37.852 C558.924,37.852 560.59,36.186 560.59,34.131 C560.59,32.076 558.924,30.41 556.869,30.41 M541,60.657 C535.114,60.657 530.342,55.887 530.342,50 C530.342,44.114 535.114,39.342 541,39.342 C546.887,39.342 551.658,44.114 551.658,50 C551.658,55.887 546.887,60.657 541,60.657 M541,33.886 C532.1,33.886 524.886,41.1 524.886,50 C524.886,58.899 532.1,66.113 541,66.113 C549.9,66.113 557.115,58.899 557.115,50 C557.115,41.1 549.9,33.886 541,33.886 M565.378,62.101 C565.244,65.022 564.756,66.606 564.346,67.663 C563.803,69.06 563.154,70.057 562.106,71.106 C561.058,72.155 560.06,72.803 558.662,73.347 C557.607,73.757 556.021,74.244 553.102,74.378 C549.944,74.521 548.997,74.552 541,74.552 C533.003,74.552 532.056,74.521 528.898,74.378 C525.979,74.244 524.393,73.757 523.338,73.347 C521.94,72.803 520.942,72.155 519.894,71.106 C518.846,70.057 518.197,69.06 517.654,67.663 C517.244,66.606 516.755,65.022 516.623,62.101 C516.479,58.943 516.448,57.996 516.448,50 C516.448,42.003 516.479,41.056 516.623,37.899 C516.755,34.978 517.244,33.391 517.654,32.338 C518.197,30.938 518.846,29.942 519.894,28.894 C520.942,27.846 521.94,27.196 523.338,26.654 C524.393,26.244 525.979,25.756 528.898,25.623 C532.057,25.479 533.004,25.448 541,25.448 C548.997,25.448 549.943,25.479 553.102,25.623 C556.021,25.756 557.607,26.244 558.662,26.654 C560.06,27.196 561.058,27.846 562.106,28.894 C563.154,29.942 563.803,30.938 564.346,32.338 C564.756,33.391 565.244,34.978 565.378,37.899 C565.522,41.056 565.552,42.003 565.552,50 C565.552,57.996 565.522,58.943 565.378,62.101 M570.82,37.631 C570.674,34.438 570.167,32.258 569.425,30.349 C568.659,28.377 567.633,26.702 565.965,25.035 C564.297,23.368 562.623,22.342 560.652,21.575 C558.743,20.834 556.562,20.326 553.369,20.18 C550.169,20.033 549.148,20 541,20 C532.853,20 531.831,20.033 528.631,20.18 C525.438,20.326 523.257,20.834 521.349,21.575 C519.376,22.342 517.703,23.368 516.035,25.035 C514.368,26.702 513.342,28.377 512.574,30.349 C511.834,32.258 511.326,34.438 511.181,37.631 C511.035,40.831 511,41.851 511,50 C511,58.147 511.035,59.17 511.181,62.369 C511.326,65.562 511.834,67.743 512.574,69.651 C513.342,71.625 514.368,73.296 516.035,74.965 C517.703,76.634 519.376,77.658 521.349,78.425 C523.257,79.167 525.438,79.673 528.631,79.82 C531.831,79.965 532.853,80.001 541,80.001 C549.148,80.001 550.169,79.965 553.369,79.82 C556.562,79.673 558.743,79.167 560.652,78.425 C562.623,77.658 564.297,76.634 565.965,74.965 C567.633,73.296 568.659,71.625 569.425,69.651 C570.167,67.743 570.674,65.562 570.82,62.369 C570.966,59.17 571,58.147 571,50 C571,41.851 570.966,40.831 570.82,37.631"></path></g></g></g></svg></div><div style="padding-top: 8px;"><div style=" color:#3897f0; font-family:Arial,sans-serif; font-size:14px; font-style:normal; font-weight:550; line-height:18px;">View this post on Instagram</div></div><div style="padding: 12.5% 0;"></div><div style="display: flex; flex-direction: row; margin-bottom: 14px; align-items: center;"><div><div style="background-color: #F4F4F4; border-radius: 50%; height: 12.5px; width: 12.5px; transform: translateX(0px) translateY(7px);"></div><div style="background-color: #F4F4F4; height: 12.5px; transform: rotate(-45deg) translateX(3px) translateY(1px); width: 12.5px; flex-grow: 0; margin-right: 14px; margin-left: 2px;"></div><div style="background-color: #F4F4F4; border-radius: 50%; height: 12.5px; width: 12.5px; transform: translateX(9px) translateY(-18px);"></div></div><div style="margin-left: 8px;"><div style=" background-color: #F4F4F4; border-radius: 50%; flex-grow: 0; height: 20px; width: 20px;"></div><div style=" width: 0; height: 0; border-top: 2px solid transparent; border-left: 6px solid #f4f4f4; border-bottom: 2px solid transparent; transform: translateX(16px) translateY(-4px) rotate(30deg)"></div></div><div style="margin-left: auto;"><div style=" width: 0px; border-top: 8px solid #F4F4F4; border-right: 8px solid transparent; transform: translateY(16px);"></div><div style=" background-color: #F4F4F4; flex-grow: 0; height: 12px; width: 16px; transform: translateY(-4px);"></div><div style=" width: 0; height: 0; border-top: 8px solid #F4F4F4; border-left: 8px solid transparent; transform: translateY(-4px) translateX(8px);"></div></div></div></a> <p style=" margin:8px 0 0 0; padding:0 4px;"><a href="https://www.instagram.com/p/BzeWkf4nQsS/?utm_source=ig_embed&utm_campaign=loading" style=" color:#000; font-family:Arial,sans-serif; font-size:14px; font-style:normal; font-weight:normal; line-height:17px; text-decoration:none; word-wrap:break-word;" target="_blank">So on top of my current daily meds, doctor said I am lacking in Vitamin D - which I haven’t googled - but... suck it up once a week lol #extraexpenses #henglifesg #singaporelife</a></p><p style=" color:#c9c8cd; font-family:Arial,sans-serif; font-size:14px; line-height:17px; margin-bottom:0; margin-top:8px; overflow:hidden; padding:8px 0 7px; text-align:center; text-overflow:ellipsis; white-space:nowrap;">A post shared by <a href="https://www.instagram.com/asliceofheng/?utm_source=ig_embed&utm_campaign=loading" style=" color:#c9c8cd; font-family:Arial,sans-serif; font-size:14px; font-style:normal; font-weight:normal; line-height:17px;" target="_blank"> Andy Heng</a> (@asliceofheng) on <time style=" font-family:Arial,sans-serif; font-size:14px; line-height:17px;" datetime="2019-07-04T00:11:47+00:00">Jul 3, 2019 at 5:11pm PDT</time></p></div></blockquote><script async src="//www.instagram.com/embed.js"></script></center><br />
The “enlarged” prostate situation went thru a few scans and has since diagnosed clean. After a few hundred dollars and staring into the bedroom ceiling more often than I care for (*I spent two months starring at hospital ceilings for my stay in 2010, fhanks), the results are clean. The feeling I have thought I had felt in my body, was not in existence. The mind has turned my fears into the "body's reality", innit. Be the as it may, the kidney remains a issue still.<br />
<br />
The reality is, after nearly nine years of self-administered medication, one of which had helped contributed to my deteriorating kidney. For the purposes of this post, I probably should state WHAT that pill had been, but perhaps that’ll be for another time. My doctor has not outright verbally admitted it was though, but said medication has since been changed to another. This, is bullshit. Be careful who you eat, folks!<br />
<br />
<center><blockquote class="instagram-media" data-instgrm-captioned data-instgrm-permalink="https://www.instagram.com/p/B1h80AbHVUb/?utm_source=ig_embed&utm_campaign=loading" data-instgrm-version="12" style=" background:#FFF; border:0; border-radius:3px; box-shadow:0 0 1px 0 rgba(0,0,0,0.5),0 1px 10px 0 rgba(0,0,0,0.15); margin: 1px; max-width:540px; min-width:326px; padding:0; width:99.375%; width:-webkit-calc(100% - 2px); width:calc(100% - 2px);"><div style="padding:16px;"><a href="https://www.instagram.com/p/B1h80AbHVUb/?utm_source=ig_embed&utm_campaign=loading" style=" background:#FFFFFF; line-height:0; padding:0 0; text-align:center; text-decoration:none; width:100%;" target="_blank"> <div style=" display: flex; flex-direction: row; align-items: center;"><div style="background-color: #F4F4F4; border-radius: 50%; flex-grow: 0; height: 40px; margin-right: 14px; width: 40px;"></div><div style="display: flex; flex-direction: column; flex-grow: 1; justify-content: center;"><div style=" background-color: #F4F4F4; border-radius: 4px; flex-grow: 0; height: 14px; margin-bottom: 6px; width: 100px;"></div><div style=" background-color: #F4F4F4; border-radius: 4px; flex-grow: 0; height: 14px; width: 60px;"></div></div></div><div style="padding: 19% 0;"></div><div style="display:block; height:50px; margin:0 auto 12px; width:50px;"><svg width="50px" height="50px" viewBox="0 0 60 60" version="1.1" xmlns="https://www.w3.org/2000/svg" xmlns:xlink="https://www.w3.org/1999/xlink"><g stroke="none" stroke-width="1" fill="none" fill-rule="evenodd"><g transform="translate(-511.000000, -20.000000)" fill="#000000"><g><path d="M556.869,30.41 C554.814,30.41 553.148,32.076 553.148,34.131 C553.148,36.186 554.814,37.852 556.869,37.852 C558.924,37.852 560.59,36.186 560.59,34.131 C560.59,32.076 558.924,30.41 556.869,30.41 M541,60.657 C535.114,60.657 530.342,55.887 530.342,50 C530.342,44.114 535.114,39.342 541,39.342 C546.887,39.342 551.658,44.114 551.658,50 C551.658,55.887 546.887,60.657 541,60.657 M541,33.886 C532.1,33.886 524.886,41.1 524.886,50 C524.886,58.899 532.1,66.113 541,66.113 C549.9,66.113 557.115,58.899 557.115,50 C557.115,41.1 549.9,33.886 541,33.886 M565.378,62.101 C565.244,65.022 564.756,66.606 564.346,67.663 C563.803,69.06 563.154,70.057 562.106,71.106 C561.058,72.155 560.06,72.803 558.662,73.347 C557.607,73.757 556.021,74.244 553.102,74.378 C549.944,74.521 548.997,74.552 541,74.552 C533.003,74.552 532.056,74.521 528.898,74.378 C525.979,74.244 524.393,73.757 523.338,73.347 C521.94,72.803 520.942,72.155 519.894,71.106 C518.846,70.057 518.197,69.06 517.654,67.663 C517.244,66.606 516.755,65.022 516.623,62.101 C516.479,58.943 516.448,57.996 516.448,50 C516.448,42.003 516.479,41.056 516.623,37.899 C516.755,34.978 517.244,33.391 517.654,32.338 C518.197,30.938 518.846,29.942 519.894,28.894 C520.942,27.846 521.94,27.196 523.338,26.654 C524.393,26.244 525.979,25.756 528.898,25.623 C532.057,25.479 533.004,25.448 541,25.448 C548.997,25.448 549.943,25.479 553.102,25.623 C556.021,25.756 557.607,26.244 558.662,26.654 C560.06,27.196 561.058,27.846 562.106,28.894 C563.154,29.942 563.803,30.938 564.346,32.338 C564.756,33.391 565.244,34.978 565.378,37.899 C565.522,41.056 565.552,42.003 565.552,50 C565.552,57.996 565.522,58.943 565.378,62.101 M570.82,37.631 C570.674,34.438 570.167,32.258 569.425,30.349 C568.659,28.377 567.633,26.702 565.965,25.035 C564.297,23.368 562.623,22.342 560.652,21.575 C558.743,20.834 556.562,20.326 553.369,20.18 C550.169,20.033 549.148,20 541,20 C532.853,20 531.831,20.033 528.631,20.18 C525.438,20.326 523.257,20.834 521.349,21.575 C519.376,22.342 517.703,23.368 516.035,25.035 C514.368,26.702 513.342,28.377 512.574,30.349 C511.834,32.258 511.326,34.438 511.181,37.631 C511.035,40.831 511,41.851 511,50 C511,58.147 511.035,59.17 511.181,62.369 C511.326,65.562 511.834,67.743 512.574,69.651 C513.342,71.625 514.368,73.296 516.035,74.965 C517.703,76.634 519.376,77.658 521.349,78.425 C523.257,79.167 525.438,79.673 528.631,79.82 C531.831,79.965 532.853,80.001 541,80.001 C549.148,80.001 550.169,79.965 553.369,79.82 C556.562,79.673 558.743,79.167 560.652,78.425 C562.623,77.658 564.297,76.634 565.965,74.965 C567.633,73.296 568.659,71.625 569.425,69.651 C570.167,67.743 570.674,65.562 570.82,62.369 C570.966,59.17 571,58.147 571,50 C571,41.851 570.966,40.831 570.82,37.631"></path></g></g></g></svg></div><div style="padding-top: 8px;"><div style=" color:#3897f0; font-family:Arial,sans-serif; font-size:14px; font-style:normal; font-weight:550; line-height:18px;">View this post on Instagram</div></div><div style="padding: 12.5% 0;"></div><div style="display: flex; flex-direction: row; margin-bottom: 14px; align-items: center;"><div><div style="background-color: #F4F4F4; border-radius: 50%; height: 12.5px; width: 12.5px; transform: translateX(0px) translateY(7px);"></div><div style="background-color: #F4F4F4; height: 12.5px; transform: rotate(-45deg) translateX(3px) translateY(1px); width: 12.5px; flex-grow: 0; margin-right: 14px; margin-left: 2px;"></div><div style="background-color: #F4F4F4; border-radius: 50%; height: 12.5px; width: 12.5px; transform: translateX(9px) translateY(-18px);"></div></div><div style="margin-left: 8px;"><div style=" background-color: #F4F4F4; border-radius: 50%; flex-grow: 0; height: 20px; width: 20px;"></div><div style=" width: 0; height: 0; border-top: 2px solid transparent; border-left: 6px solid #f4f4f4; border-bottom: 2px solid transparent; transform: translateX(16px) translateY(-4px) rotate(30deg)"></div></div><div style="margin-left: auto;"><div style=" width: 0px; border-top: 8px solid #F4F4F4; border-right: 8px solid transparent; transform: translateY(16px);"></div><div style=" background-color: #F4F4F4; flex-grow: 0; height: 12px; width: 16px; transform: translateY(-4px);"></div><div style=" width: 0; height: 0; border-top: 8px solid #F4F4F4; border-left: 8px solid transparent; transform: translateY(-4px) translateX(8px);"></div></div></div></a> <p style=" margin:8px 0 0 0; padding:0 4px;"><a href="https://www.instagram.com/p/B1h80AbHVUb/?utm_source=ig_embed&utm_campaign=loading" style=" color:#000; font-family:Arial,sans-serif; font-size:14px; font-style:normal; font-weight:normal; line-height:17px; text-decoration:none; word-wrap:break-word;" target="_blank">With my current health issues, there have been some changes to meds and my routine that I’ve been used to for the past 9 years, not so ironically in response to the effects of meds I have taken for said past 9 years. I can go on but it doesn’t change my current circumstance and situation (but I will, eventually). Keep yourselves healthy, folks. And for my fellow pill-poppers, let’s fight on, shall we? (After managing this, I’m checking out the new trailer for #TheMandalorian! #lifegoeson #goutsucks #diabetessuck #henglifesg</a></p><p style=" color:#c9c8cd; font-family:Arial,sans-serif; font-size:14px; line-height:17px; margin-bottom:0; margin-top:8px; overflow:hidden; padding:8px 0 7px; text-align:center; text-overflow:ellipsis; white-space:nowrap;">A post shared by <a href="https://www.instagram.com/asliceofheng/?utm_source=ig_embed&utm_campaign=loading" style=" color:#c9c8cd; font-family:Arial,sans-serif; font-size:14px; font-style:normal; font-weight:normal; line-height:17px;" target="_blank"> Andy Heng</a> (@asliceofheng) on <time style=" font-family:Arial,sans-serif; font-size:14px; line-height:17px;" datetime="2019-08-24T02:46:28+00:00">Aug 23, 2019 at 7:46pm PDT</time></p></div></blockquote><script async src="//www.instagram.com/embed.js"></script></center><br />
But to be fair, given the situation I had been in - nine years ago - I would not, and did not think as far ahead, and hindsight is always mutherfarkin 2020, innit? And my new catchword plaguing over me like a shroud of doom for the past year had been “dialysis”, thanks.<br />
<br />
One of the main <b>aims</b> for this year (or the next), is to save/earn enough money, to be able to seek a "second opinion", on my current health status and medication intake.<br />
<br />
But first, need to update the basic self-check equipment at home lah lol<br />
<br />
<center><blockquote class="instagram-media" data-instgrm-captioned data-instgrm-permalink="https://www.instagram.com/p/B2N22Apnnpw/?utm_source=ig_embed&utm_campaign=loading" data-instgrm-version="12" style=" background:#FFF; border:0; border-radius:3px; box-shadow:0 0 1px 0 rgba(0,0,0,0.5),0 1px 10px 0 rgba(0,0,0,0.15); margin: 1px; max-width:540px; min-width:326px; padding:0; width:99.375%; width:-webkit-calc(100% - 2px); width:calc(100% - 2px);"><div style="padding:16px;"><a href="https://www.instagram.com/p/B2N22Apnnpw/?utm_source=ig_embed&utm_campaign=loading" style=" background:#FFFFFF; line-height:0; padding:0 0; text-align:center; text-decoration:none; width:100%;" target="_blank"> <div style=" display: flex; flex-direction: row; align-items: center;"><div style="background-color: #F4F4F4; border-radius: 50%; flex-grow: 0; height: 40px; margin-right: 14px; width: 40px;"></div><div style="display: flex; flex-direction: column; flex-grow: 1; justify-content: center;"><div style=" background-color: #F4F4F4; border-radius: 4px; flex-grow: 0; height: 14px; margin-bottom: 6px; width: 100px;"></div><div style=" background-color: #F4F4F4; border-radius: 4px; flex-grow: 0; height: 14px; width: 60px;"></div></div></div><div style="padding: 19% 0;"></div><div style="display:block; height:50px; margin:0 auto 12px; width:50px;"><svg width="50px" height="50px" viewBox="0 0 60 60" version="1.1" xmlns="https://www.w3.org/2000/svg" xmlns:xlink="https://www.w3.org/1999/xlink"><g stroke="none" stroke-width="1" fill="none" fill-rule="evenodd"><g transform="translate(-511.000000, -20.000000)" fill="#000000"><g><path d="M556.869,30.41 C554.814,30.41 553.148,32.076 553.148,34.131 C553.148,36.186 554.814,37.852 556.869,37.852 C558.924,37.852 560.59,36.186 560.59,34.131 C560.59,32.076 558.924,30.41 556.869,30.41 M541,60.657 C535.114,60.657 530.342,55.887 530.342,50 C530.342,44.114 535.114,39.342 541,39.342 C546.887,39.342 551.658,44.114 551.658,50 C551.658,55.887 546.887,60.657 541,60.657 M541,33.886 C532.1,33.886 524.886,41.1 524.886,50 C524.886,58.899 532.1,66.113 541,66.113 C549.9,66.113 557.115,58.899 557.115,50 C557.115,41.1 549.9,33.886 541,33.886 M565.378,62.101 C565.244,65.022 564.756,66.606 564.346,67.663 C563.803,69.06 563.154,70.057 562.106,71.106 C561.058,72.155 560.06,72.803 558.662,73.347 C557.607,73.757 556.021,74.244 553.102,74.378 C549.944,74.521 548.997,74.552 541,74.552 C533.003,74.552 532.056,74.521 528.898,74.378 C525.979,74.244 524.393,73.757 523.338,73.347 C521.94,72.803 520.942,72.155 519.894,71.106 C518.846,70.057 518.197,69.06 517.654,67.663 C517.244,66.606 516.755,65.022 516.623,62.101 C516.479,58.943 516.448,57.996 516.448,50 C516.448,42.003 516.479,41.056 516.623,37.899 C516.755,34.978 517.244,33.391 517.654,32.338 C518.197,30.938 518.846,29.942 519.894,28.894 C520.942,27.846 521.94,27.196 523.338,26.654 C524.393,26.244 525.979,25.756 528.898,25.623 C532.057,25.479 533.004,25.448 541,25.448 C548.997,25.448 549.943,25.479 553.102,25.623 C556.021,25.756 557.607,26.244 558.662,26.654 C560.06,27.196 561.058,27.846 562.106,28.894 C563.154,29.942 563.803,30.938 564.346,32.338 C564.756,33.391 565.244,34.978 565.378,37.899 C565.522,41.056 565.552,42.003 565.552,50 C565.552,57.996 565.522,58.943 565.378,62.101 M570.82,37.631 C570.674,34.438 570.167,32.258 569.425,30.349 C568.659,28.377 567.633,26.702 565.965,25.035 C564.297,23.368 562.623,22.342 560.652,21.575 C558.743,20.834 556.562,20.326 553.369,20.18 C550.169,20.033 549.148,20 541,20 C532.853,20 531.831,20.033 528.631,20.18 C525.438,20.326 523.257,20.834 521.349,21.575 C519.376,22.342 517.703,23.368 516.035,25.035 C514.368,26.702 513.342,28.377 512.574,30.349 C511.834,32.258 511.326,34.438 511.181,37.631 C511.035,40.831 511,41.851 511,50 C511,58.147 511.035,59.17 511.181,62.369 C511.326,65.562 511.834,67.743 512.574,69.651 C513.342,71.625 514.368,73.296 516.035,74.965 C517.703,76.634 519.376,77.658 521.349,78.425 C523.257,79.167 525.438,79.673 528.631,79.82 C531.831,79.965 532.853,80.001 541,80.001 C549.148,80.001 550.169,79.965 553.369,79.82 C556.562,79.673 558.743,79.167 560.652,78.425 C562.623,77.658 564.297,76.634 565.965,74.965 C567.633,73.296 568.659,71.625 569.425,69.651 C570.167,67.743 570.674,65.562 570.82,62.369 C570.966,59.17 571,58.147 571,50 C571,41.851 570.966,40.831 570.82,37.631"></path></g></g></g></svg></div><div style="padding-top: 8px;"><div style=" color:#3897f0; font-family:Arial,sans-serif; font-size:14px; font-style:normal; font-weight:550; line-height:18px;">View this post on Instagram</div></div><div style="padding: 12.5% 0;"></div><div style="display: flex; flex-direction: row; margin-bottom: 14px; align-items: center;"><div><div style="background-color: #F4F4F4; border-radius: 50%; height: 12.5px; width: 12.5px; transform: translateX(0px) translateY(7px);"></div><div style="background-color: #F4F4F4; height: 12.5px; transform: rotate(-45deg) translateX(3px) translateY(1px); width: 12.5px; flex-grow: 0; margin-right: 14px; margin-left: 2px;"></div><div style="background-color: #F4F4F4; border-radius: 50%; height: 12.5px; width: 12.5px; transform: translateX(9px) translateY(-18px);"></div></div><div style="margin-left: 8px;"><div style=" background-color: #F4F4F4; border-radius: 50%; flex-grow: 0; height: 20px; width: 20px;"></div><div style=" width: 0; height: 0; border-top: 2px solid transparent; border-left: 6px solid #f4f4f4; border-bottom: 2px solid transparent; transform: translateX(16px) translateY(-4px) rotate(30deg)"></div></div><div style="margin-left: auto;"><div style=" width: 0px; border-top: 8px solid #F4F4F4; border-right: 8px solid transparent; transform: translateY(16px);"></div><div style=" background-color: #F4F4F4; flex-grow: 0; height: 12px; width: 16px; transform: translateY(-4px);"></div><div style=" width: 0; height: 0; border-top: 8px solid #F4F4F4; border-left: 8px solid transparent; transform: translateY(-4px) translateX(8px);"></div></div></div></a> <p style=" margin:8px 0 0 0; padding:0 4px;"><a href="https://www.instagram.com/p/B2N22Apnnpw/?utm_source=ig_embed&utm_campaign=loading" style=" color:#000; font-family:Arial,sans-serif; font-size:14px; font-style:normal; font-weight:normal; line-height:17px; text-decoration:none; word-wrap:break-word;" target="_blank">Invested in a new tech today, courtesy of a trade-in, so I can continue to check my personal blood sugar levels... which equals to quite a few cups of Kopi and toys lol #henglifesg</a></p><p style=" color:#c9c8cd; font-family:Arial,sans-serif; font-size:14px; line-height:17px; margin-bottom:0; margin-top:8px; overflow:hidden; padding:8px 0 7px; text-align:center; text-overflow:ellipsis; white-space:nowrap;">A post shared by <a href="https://www.instagram.com/asliceofheng/?utm_source=ig_embed&utm_campaign=loading" style=" color:#c9c8cd; font-family:Arial,sans-serif; font-size:14px; font-style:normal; font-weight:normal; line-height:17px;" target="_blank"> Andy Heng</a> (@asliceofheng) on <time style=" font-family:Arial,sans-serif; font-size:14px; line-height:17px;" datetime="2019-09-10T04:00:53+00:00">Sep 9, 2019 at 9:00pm PDT</time></p></div></blockquote><script async src="//www.instagram.com/embed.js"></script></center><br />
Nine years later, the other physical thing I am feeling, is perhaps the onset of diabetes affecting my leg, specifically my left leg, with the numbness in the feet, slowly creeping its way up my toes, or so I feel. <br />
<br />
You know when older folks say “tok1 tio3 kar1” (Hokkien for “chop off leg”)? This must be how it feels like before the chop…<br />
<br />
One “upside” to all of my physicality is that my eye-sight has gotten “better”, diagnosed in my recent eye-exam - which I had let lapse for a few years actually - no mention of my cataract issue though (since being spotted from yeaaaaars back).<br />
<br />
The reality is, I spend most of my money on medical than anything else comparatively, and that is another hurdle I cannot address at this point in time. You literally <b>cannot afford to be sick</b>, and hence the irony of “nine years wasted not getting physically healthier” slaps me hard, innit?<br />
<br />
PIAK. PIAK. PIAK. And six more PIAKS after that, one for each year, <i>fhanks.</i><br />
<br />
I had not entertained the notion that I had “depression” for the past nine years, as I refuse to succumb to this “excuse” for myself, but the simple reality has me still TALKING about my Stroke to whomever, instead of my personal triumphs since the past nine years, because they do not exist as poignant as my Stroke.<br />
<br />
I had let the pall of Stroke overshadow everything else in my life, from my achievements due to my blog, to all the friendships I let slide because I felt unworthy of said friendships, to a twisted parody of “self-pity” disguised as “self-preservation”, perhaps? I had chosen not to dwell too much in this train of thought, as I did not want to distract myself, but perhaps I should…?<br />
<br />
Whatever they may be, "they" end up as “excuses”, as I have not moved on as much as I could and should have, after nine years of “Stroke-stories”, the more <b>popular</b> ones being:<br />
<br />
(1) How I Quite Smoking - from the moment I wake up in the Acute Stroke Ward…<br />
<br />
(2) The Pretty In-house Psychiatrist - which helped me recognise my forgotten desire to draw…<br />
<br />
(3) Wriggling My Little Toe - and learning to walk again, thanks to Quentin Tarantino...<br />
<br />
(4) My Waist-length hair being braided by my nurses (I'm keeping my hair long-ish currently too lol)<br />
<br />
(5) Favourite being the double-vision, explaining my $2 Daiso specs and eye-patching ...<br />
<br />
...and a few more I'll add to this later ... <i>Tell me you haven't heard these from me before?</i> LOL<br />
<br />
In short, mentally recognising all these, nine years later, is <b>bullshit</b>. More likely due to being tired of my own bullshit, rather than an "evolved" or developed sense of "self-realization", I suspect LOL<br />
<br />
One of the take-aways from my rehabilitation days early-on in the game, when the therapists started to use the term "<b>integrate into society</b>" quite often in their speech (which felt like some terminology meant to be used after a specific timeline has passed, IMHO), which I had since recognised to mean "integration with your fellow human beings", as well as physical tasks such as being able to "take a bus" etc.<br />
<br />
I had been so focused on the PHYSICAL aspect of living on, I no doubt neglected the people around me. <br />
<br />
Understandably the first shield around Stroke survivors, is "family" (in my personal case), and the understanding of my needs, lack of patience is tolerated, and for that I am eternally grateful.<br />
<br />
For the next level of "friends", I had lapsed in my "education" of my condition and needs - leaving folks not knowing and perhaps confused about my actions and/or inactions, and at the same time I too have lapsed in being able to provide FOR my friends and their own needs - including "attention", and perhaps my level of "care" does not match their expectations, and I've not spent much time explaining that nor level the field of influence.<br />
<br />
Be that as it may, I would hazard that anyone who survives Stroke, that beyond the physical, the support they have and need, is essential and crucial. But "what type of support", you might ask?<br />
<br />
Some take to "tough-love" ... some absorb better via "soft-serve" <i>(*I personally am the later ... folks who show me the first, I close off immediately ~ LOL).</i> So it's either we/you TELL folks first, or otherwise it'll be a constant game of catch. No one is a "mind-reader" (unless you might be a latent mutant, I judge you not), but it certainly NEEDS someone to be able to listen, accept and provide. And before that, someone to be able to articulate then FIRST, innit? "Guilty" as charged, but then again, even so, I would dare say, not everyone <b>remembers</b>, and neither are they expect to, innit? But then that would mean I would heave to be constantly talking about my Stroke, innit? LOL ... Otherwise, it shouldn't need to be a "fight" to get the message across, innit?<br />
<br />
Ultimately, to each his/her own, and I have since learnt, after nine years of knocking my head on walls, and whispering thru open cracked doorways, that maybe "self-preservation" is the more effective short-term option, for now... "long-term"? I am <b>living it</b>, evry other day haha<br />
<br />
<center><blockquote class="instagram-media" data-instgrm-captioned data-instgrm-permalink="https://www.instagram.com/p/B3q3yPAnJNn/?utm_source=ig_embed&utm_campaign=loading" data-instgrm-version="12" style=" background:#FFF; border:0; border-radius:3px; box-shadow:0 0 1px 0 rgba(0,0,0,0.5),0 1px 10px 0 rgba(0,0,0,0.15); margin: 1px; max-width:540px; min-width:326px; padding:0; width:99.375%; width:-webkit-calc(100% - 2px); width:calc(100% - 2px);"><div style="padding:16px;"><a href="https://www.instagram.com/p/B3q3yPAnJNn/?utm_source=ig_embed&utm_campaign=loading" style=" background:#FFFFFF; line-height:0; padding:0 0; text-align:center; text-decoration:none; width:100%;" target="_blank"> <div style=" display: flex; flex-direction: row; align-items: center;"><div style="background-color: #F4F4F4; border-radius: 50%; flex-grow: 0; height: 40px; margin-right: 14px; width: 40px;"></div><div style="display: flex; flex-direction: column; flex-grow: 1; justify-content: center;"><div style=" background-color: #F4F4F4; border-radius: 4px; flex-grow: 0; height: 14px; margin-bottom: 6px; width: 100px;"></div><div style=" background-color: #F4F4F4; border-radius: 4px; flex-grow: 0; height: 14px; width: 60px;"></div></div></div><div style="padding: 19% 0;"></div><div style="display:block; height:50px; margin:0 auto 12px; width:50px;"><svg width="50px" height="50px" viewBox="0 0 60 60" version="1.1" xmlns="https://www.w3.org/2000/svg" xmlns:xlink="https://www.w3.org/1999/xlink"><g stroke="none" stroke-width="1" fill="none" fill-rule="evenodd"><g transform="translate(-511.000000, -20.000000)" fill="#000000"><g><path d="M556.869,30.41 C554.814,30.41 553.148,32.076 553.148,34.131 C553.148,36.186 554.814,37.852 556.869,37.852 C558.924,37.852 560.59,36.186 560.59,34.131 C560.59,32.076 558.924,30.41 556.869,30.41 M541,60.657 C535.114,60.657 530.342,55.887 530.342,50 C530.342,44.114 535.114,39.342 541,39.342 C546.887,39.342 551.658,44.114 551.658,50 C551.658,55.887 546.887,60.657 541,60.657 M541,33.886 C532.1,33.886 524.886,41.1 524.886,50 C524.886,58.899 532.1,66.113 541,66.113 C549.9,66.113 557.115,58.899 557.115,50 C557.115,41.1 549.9,33.886 541,33.886 M565.378,62.101 C565.244,65.022 564.756,66.606 564.346,67.663 C563.803,69.06 563.154,70.057 562.106,71.106 C561.058,72.155 560.06,72.803 558.662,73.347 C557.607,73.757 556.021,74.244 553.102,74.378 C549.944,74.521 548.997,74.552 541,74.552 C533.003,74.552 532.056,74.521 528.898,74.378 C525.979,74.244 524.393,73.757 523.338,73.347 C521.94,72.803 520.942,72.155 519.894,71.106 C518.846,70.057 518.197,69.06 517.654,67.663 C517.244,66.606 516.755,65.022 516.623,62.101 C516.479,58.943 516.448,57.996 516.448,50 C516.448,42.003 516.479,41.056 516.623,37.899 C516.755,34.978 517.244,33.391 517.654,32.338 C518.197,30.938 518.846,29.942 519.894,28.894 C520.942,27.846 521.94,27.196 523.338,26.654 C524.393,26.244 525.979,25.756 528.898,25.623 C532.057,25.479 533.004,25.448 541,25.448 C548.997,25.448 549.943,25.479 553.102,25.623 C556.021,25.756 557.607,26.244 558.662,26.654 C560.06,27.196 561.058,27.846 562.106,28.894 C563.154,29.942 563.803,30.938 564.346,32.338 C564.756,33.391 565.244,34.978 565.378,37.899 C565.522,41.056 565.552,42.003 565.552,50 C565.552,57.996 565.522,58.943 565.378,62.101 M570.82,37.631 C570.674,34.438 570.167,32.258 569.425,30.349 C568.659,28.377 567.633,26.702 565.965,25.035 C564.297,23.368 562.623,22.342 560.652,21.575 C558.743,20.834 556.562,20.326 553.369,20.18 C550.169,20.033 549.148,20 541,20 C532.853,20 531.831,20.033 528.631,20.18 C525.438,20.326 523.257,20.834 521.349,21.575 C519.376,22.342 517.703,23.368 516.035,25.035 C514.368,26.702 513.342,28.377 512.574,30.349 C511.834,32.258 511.326,34.438 511.181,37.631 C511.035,40.831 511,41.851 511,50 C511,58.147 511.035,59.17 511.181,62.369 C511.326,65.562 511.834,67.743 512.574,69.651 C513.342,71.625 514.368,73.296 516.035,74.965 C517.703,76.634 519.376,77.658 521.349,78.425 C523.257,79.167 525.438,79.673 528.631,79.82 C531.831,79.965 532.853,80.001 541,80.001 C549.148,80.001 550.169,79.965 553.369,79.82 C556.562,79.673 558.743,79.167 560.652,78.425 C562.623,77.658 564.297,76.634 565.965,74.965 C567.633,73.296 568.659,71.625 569.425,69.651 C570.167,67.743 570.674,65.562 570.82,62.369 C570.966,59.17 571,58.147 571,50 C571,41.851 570.966,40.831 570.82,37.631"></path></g></g></g></svg></div><div style="padding-top: 8px;"><div style=" color:#3897f0; font-family:Arial,sans-serif; font-size:14px; font-style:normal; font-weight:550; line-height:18px;">View this post on Instagram</div></div><div style="padding: 12.5% 0;"></div><div style="display: flex; flex-direction: row; margin-bottom: 14px; align-items: center;"><div><div style="background-color: #F4F4F4; border-radius: 50%; height: 12.5px; width: 12.5px; transform: translateX(0px) translateY(7px);"></div><div style="background-color: #F4F4F4; height: 12.5px; transform: rotate(-45deg) translateX(3px) translateY(1px); width: 12.5px; flex-grow: 0; margin-right: 14px; margin-left: 2px;"></div><div style="background-color: #F4F4F4; border-radius: 50%; height: 12.5px; width: 12.5px; transform: translateX(9px) translateY(-18px);"></div></div><div style="margin-left: 8px;"><div style=" background-color: #F4F4F4; border-radius: 50%; flex-grow: 0; height: 20px; width: 20px;"></div><div style=" width: 0; height: 0; border-top: 2px solid transparent; border-left: 6px solid #f4f4f4; border-bottom: 2px solid transparent; transform: translateX(16px) translateY(-4px) rotate(30deg)"></div></div><div style="margin-left: auto;"><div style=" width: 0px; border-top: 8px solid #F4F4F4; border-right: 8px solid transparent; transform: translateY(16px);"></div><div style=" background-color: #F4F4F4; flex-grow: 0; height: 12px; width: 16px; transform: translateY(-4px);"></div><div style=" width: 0; height: 0; border-top: 8px solid #F4F4F4; border-left: 8px solid transparent; transform: translateY(-4px) translateX(8px);"></div></div></div></a> <p style=" margin:8px 0 0 0; padding:0 4px;"><a href="https://www.instagram.com/p/B3q3yPAnJNn/?utm_source=ig_embed&utm_campaign=loading" style=" color:#000; font-family:Arial,sans-serif; font-size:14px; font-style:normal; font-weight:normal; line-height:17px; text-decoration:none; word-wrap:break-word;" target="_blank">When I had my Stroke in 2010, I could not recognise any of the symptoms, becoz I did not know what to look out for... nearly 9 years later, I’d be “celebrating” my “Stroke-Birthday” later this month haha... altho I’ll no doubt forget to, on the day, as I have had the past 8 years LOL #henglifesg</a></p><p style=" color:#c9c8cd; font-family:Arial,sans-serif; font-size:14px; line-height:17px; margin-bottom:0; margin-top:8px; overflow:hidden; padding:8px 0 7px; text-align:center; text-overflow:ellipsis; white-space:nowrap;">A post shared by <a href="https://www.instagram.com/asliceofheng/?utm_source=ig_embed&utm_campaign=loading" style=" color:#c9c8cd; font-family:Arial,sans-serif; font-size:14px; font-style:normal; font-weight:normal; line-height:17px;" target="_blank"> Andy Heng</a> (@asliceofheng) on <time style=" font-family:Arial,sans-serif; font-size:14px; line-height:17px;" datetime="2019-10-16T06:58:29+00:00">Oct 15, 2019 at 11:58pm PDT</time></p></div></blockquote><script async src="//www.instagram.com/embed.js"></script></center><br />
There are much more grouses and complains in my life, but I also need to remember that THIS is a blog about "Stroke", and perhaps I'll leave my "quality of life" as much as these have been, along with images from my personal Insta, which quite frankly serves as a archival visual record of my life after Stroke, mores than anybody ever realises.<br />
<br />
Stay Healthy, folks!<br />
AndyTOYSREVILhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03872736377423548421noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2824210430419585227.post-40360905382983175002019-08-08T13:44:00.001+08:002019-08-08T13:45:57.703+08:00The Onset Of GOUT<center><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhC44h5VNkO2k0tI-2jdtyrbUna_BGuv47BSjCpP6_TTG0jN-BptB0aroniy2RRor0XZadEjP4wA7lkGdpholyKBtJfG3rrj_cGU_aoqwXE03slr4xOOkrYQephOGXTU7GDTmNDqhFPk_rn/s1600/67410900_10161903024020265_6797269230388510720_o.jpg" imageanchor="1" ><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhC44h5VNkO2k0tI-2jdtyrbUna_BGuv47BSjCpP6_TTG0jN-BptB0aroniy2RRor0XZadEjP4wA7lkGdpholyKBtJfG3rrj_cGU_aoqwXE03slr4xOOkrYQephOGXTU7GDTmNDqhFPk_rn/s400/67410900_10161903024020265_6797269230388510720_o.jpg" width="400" height="300" data-original-width="1080" data-original-height="810" /></a></center><br />
One week ago today, I woke up with a sharp pain in my right feet, specifically around the toe region. It felt as if I'd sprained my toe. Attempting to lift or twitch my toe would send sharp jolts of pain. I found this pain and situation somewhat familiar, as I have had thru the years woke up from a sprained calf (left and right, although not at the same time, thank goodness), and the pain is scream worthy, I have to say lol<br />
<br />
Thinking that it had been "just a sprain", I massaged it as best I could, amidst the pain (silly me), and subsequently went through my day - as I usually do when I sprained my calves - and hoped for the eventual subsiding of pain. And like that, my Thursday had passed, with me limping slightly.<br />
<br />
Admittedly, I had actually wondered if (A) It had been Diabetes wrecking havoc on my feet (It is a eventuality, but an experience I have not lived through as yet...) ... or (B) It had been a "curse", which came into effect when "7th Month" had started (Yes, I tend to overthink my life).<br />
<br />
But that night left with the most painful of experiences until now. The pain was excruciating, and I had woken up multiple times because of the sheering jolts of pain. I was thinking; "The hell was this sprain, man?!", and slept thru the pain again, and again, and again.<br />
<br />
<center><blockquote class="instagram-media" data-instgrm-captioned data-instgrm-permalink="https://www.instagram.com/p/B0pZZcnHHKK/" data-instgrm-version="12" style=" background:#FFF; border:0; border-radius:3px; box-shadow:0 0 1px 0 rgba(0,0,0,0.5),0 1px 10px 0 rgba(0,0,0,0.15); margin: 1px; max-width:540px; min-width:326px; padding:0; width:99.375%; width:-webkit-calc(100% - 2px); width:calc(100% - 2px);"><div style="padding:16px;"><a href="https://www.instagram.com/p/B0pZZcnHHKK/" style=" background:#FFFFFF; line-height:0; padding:0 0; text-align:center; text-decoration:none; width:100%;" target="_blank"> <div style=" display: flex; flex-direction: row; align-items: center;"><div style="background-color: #F4F4F4; border-radius: 50%; flex-grow: 0; height: 40px; margin-right: 14px; width: 40px;"></div><div style="display: flex; flex-direction: column; flex-grow: 1; justify-content: center;"><div style=" background-color: #F4F4F4; border-radius: 4px; flex-grow: 0; height: 14px; margin-bottom: 6px; width: 100px;"></div><div style=" background-color: #F4F4F4; border-radius: 4px; flex-grow: 0; height: 14px; width: 60px;"></div></div></div><div style="padding: 19% 0;"></div><div style="display:block; height:50px; margin:0 auto 12px; width:50px;"><svg width="50px" height="50px" viewBox="0 0 60 60" version="1.1" xmlns="https://www.w3.org/2000/svg" xmlns:xlink="https://www.w3.org/1999/xlink"><g stroke="none" stroke-width="1" fill="none" fill-rule="evenodd"><g transform="translate(-511.000000, -20.000000)" fill="#000000"><g><path d="M556.869,30.41 C554.814,30.41 553.148,32.076 553.148,34.131 C553.148,36.186 554.814,37.852 556.869,37.852 C558.924,37.852 560.59,36.186 560.59,34.131 C560.59,32.076 558.924,30.41 556.869,30.41 M541,60.657 C535.114,60.657 530.342,55.887 530.342,50 C530.342,44.114 535.114,39.342 541,39.342 C546.887,39.342 551.658,44.114 551.658,50 C551.658,55.887 546.887,60.657 541,60.657 M541,33.886 C532.1,33.886 524.886,41.1 524.886,50 C524.886,58.899 532.1,66.113 541,66.113 C549.9,66.113 557.115,58.899 557.115,50 C557.115,41.1 549.9,33.886 541,33.886 M565.378,62.101 C565.244,65.022 564.756,66.606 564.346,67.663 C563.803,69.06 563.154,70.057 562.106,71.106 C561.058,72.155 560.06,72.803 558.662,73.347 C557.607,73.757 556.021,74.244 553.102,74.378 C549.944,74.521 548.997,74.552 541,74.552 C533.003,74.552 532.056,74.521 528.898,74.378 C525.979,74.244 524.393,73.757 523.338,73.347 C521.94,72.803 520.942,72.155 519.894,71.106 C518.846,70.057 518.197,69.06 517.654,67.663 C517.244,66.606 516.755,65.022 516.623,62.101 C516.479,58.943 516.448,57.996 516.448,50 C516.448,42.003 516.479,41.056 516.623,37.899 C516.755,34.978 517.244,33.391 517.654,32.338 C518.197,30.938 518.846,29.942 519.894,28.894 C520.942,27.846 521.94,27.196 523.338,26.654 C524.393,26.244 525.979,25.756 528.898,25.623 C532.057,25.479 533.004,25.448 541,25.448 C548.997,25.448 549.943,25.479 553.102,25.623 C556.021,25.756 557.607,26.244 558.662,26.654 C560.06,27.196 561.058,27.846 562.106,28.894 C563.154,29.942 563.803,30.938 564.346,32.338 C564.756,33.391 565.244,34.978 565.378,37.899 C565.522,41.056 565.552,42.003 565.552,50 C565.552,57.996 565.522,58.943 565.378,62.101 M570.82,37.631 C570.674,34.438 570.167,32.258 569.425,30.349 C568.659,28.377 567.633,26.702 565.965,25.035 C564.297,23.368 562.623,22.342 560.652,21.575 C558.743,20.834 556.562,20.326 553.369,20.18 C550.169,20.033 549.148,20 541,20 C532.853,20 531.831,20.033 528.631,20.18 C525.438,20.326 523.257,20.834 521.349,21.575 C519.376,22.342 517.703,23.368 516.035,25.035 C514.368,26.702 513.342,28.377 512.574,30.349 C511.834,32.258 511.326,34.438 511.181,37.631 C511.035,40.831 511,41.851 511,50 C511,58.147 511.035,59.17 511.181,62.369 C511.326,65.562 511.834,67.743 512.574,69.651 C513.342,71.625 514.368,73.296 516.035,74.965 C517.703,76.634 519.376,77.658 521.349,78.425 C523.257,79.167 525.438,79.673 528.631,79.82 C531.831,79.965 532.853,80.001 541,80.001 C549.148,80.001 550.169,79.965 553.369,79.82 C556.562,79.673 558.743,79.167 560.652,78.425 C562.623,77.658 564.297,76.634 565.965,74.965 C567.633,73.296 568.659,71.625 569.425,69.651 C570.167,67.743 570.674,65.562 570.82,62.369 C570.966,59.17 571,58.147 571,50 C571,41.851 570.966,40.831 570.82,37.631"></path></g></g></g></svg></div><div style="padding-top: 8px;"><div style=" color:#3897f0; font-family:Arial,sans-serif; font-size:14px; font-style:normal; font-weight:550; line-height:18px;">View this post on Instagram</div></div><div style="padding: 12.5% 0;"></div><div style="display: flex; flex-direction: row; margin-bottom: 14px; align-items: center;"><div><div style="background-color: #F4F4F4; border-radius: 50%; height: 12.5px; width: 12.5px; transform: translateX(0px) translateY(7px);"></div><div style="background-color: #F4F4F4; height: 12.5px; transform: rotate(-45deg) translateX(3px) translateY(1px); width: 12.5px; flex-grow: 0; margin-right: 14px; margin-left: 2px;"></div><div style="background-color: #F4F4F4; border-radius: 50%; height: 12.5px; width: 12.5px; transform: translateX(9px) translateY(-18px);"></div></div><div style="margin-left: 8px;"><div style=" background-color: #F4F4F4; border-radius: 50%; flex-grow: 0; height: 20px; width: 20px;"></div><div style=" width: 0; height: 0; border-top: 2px solid transparent; border-left: 6px solid #f4f4f4; border-bottom: 2px solid transparent; transform: translateX(16px) translateY(-4px) rotate(30deg)"></div></div><div style="margin-left: auto;"><div style=" width: 0px; border-top: 8px solid #F4F4F4; border-right: 8px solid transparent; transform: translateY(16px);"></div><div style=" background-color: #F4F4F4; flex-grow: 0; height: 12px; width: 16px; transform: translateY(-4px);"></div><div style=" width: 0; height: 0; border-top: 8px solid #F4F4F4; border-left: 8px solid transparent; transform: translateY(-4px) translateX(8px);"></div></div></div></a> <p style=" margin:8px 0 0 0; padding:0 4px;"><a href="https://www.instagram.com/p/B0pZZcnHHKK/" style=" color:#000; font-family:Arial,sans-serif; font-size:14px; font-style:normal; font-weight:normal; line-height:17px; text-decoration:none; word-wrap:break-word;" target="_blank">Woke up Thursday morning with an intense sharp pain in my feet, specifically the big toe, fearing it was the effect of diabetes, or even witch-craft (1st day of Hungry Ghost month lol)... it was not until later in the afternoon, when I realised that part of the feet was swelling, that more likely I twisted/sprained myself while sleeping (wtf?). I’ve had decent relieve with sprayed meds, but only decided to wrap it with cold compress Friday morning, while watching tv, and a host of blogposts waiting for me in the desktop ... times like these I wished my laptop hadn’t died on me ... Have a Good Friday, folks! #henglifesg</a></p><p style=" color:#c9c8cd; font-family:Arial,sans-serif; font-size:14px; line-height:17px; margin-bottom:0; margin-top:8px; overflow:hidden; padding:8px 0 7px; text-align:center; text-overflow:ellipsis; white-space:nowrap;">A post shared by <a href="https://www.instagram.com/asliceofheng/" style=" color:#c9c8cd; font-family:Arial,sans-serif; font-size:14px; font-style:normal; font-weight:normal; line-height:17px;" target="_blank"> Andy Heng</a> (@asliceofheng) on <time style=" font-family:Arial,sans-serif; font-size:14px; line-height:17px;" datetime="2019-08-02T03:39:32+00:00">Aug 1, 2019 at 8:39pm PDT</time></p></div></blockquote><script async src="//www.instagram.com/embed.js"></script></center><br />
Woke up Friday morning with an ache, and even posted on Facebook about the pain, as I do my mundane health issues - primarily because I wanted to have a public record of my health, or rather the aspect of my health I choose to share openly with folks, whomever will read, which I tell myself I really should do so on my personal blog, or THIS blog actually - but FB is easier and faster lol<br />
<br />
The pain grew progressively through out the morning, and while watching R.I.P.D. on cable, I had an online friend ask me on Facebook (Thanks Rachel!) if it was "gout" - which got me googling on my phone - something which I very seldom do (anything I do on my mobile is a challenge to my post-Stroke eye-sight), but did as I had by then decided to ice-pack my painful toe-region, hence being able to sit and watch R.I.P.D. in the first place LOL<br />
<br />
The symptoms were near-identical, and I saw the magic word in "Kidney" related issues.<br />
<br />
Something that I had been grappling for months, but unable to articulate in detail, is my currently deteriorating kidney, brought on "more likely" by specific medication I had been taking for the past semi-odd nine+ years, for one of my maladies which contributed to my Stroke in 2010. I am deliberately being vague about said medicine because, (A) I need to do my research to be able to properly name said medicine (Idol forgotten what it was, but can be traced), and (B) It has not been overtly blamed by my doctors/specialists (but have been mentioned in passing). Now this needs to be another whole separate blogpost on its own, but yes, the "kidney"-affected aspect of this pain I was feeling, became more apparent I would need to seek medical help.<br />
<br />
In essence, my kidneys are deteriorating rapidly to the point of (eventual) dialysis, with my past medical reviews in the recent months being borderline bleak, to eventual positivity, to the current bleakness again, so this might potentially be a new development in my personal ongoing Saga of Crap.<br />
<br />
I called to make an appointment with my neighbourhood polyclinic, hoping to have my regular "Family Physician" to see me, but alas appointments were full that day, so I made do with one of their daily doctors.<br />
<br />
<center><blockquote class="instagram-media" data-instgrm-captioned data-instgrm-permalink="https://www.instagram.com/p/B0pvDnDnL5y/" data-instgrm-version="12" style=" background:#FFF; border:0; border-radius:3px; box-shadow:0 0 1px 0 rgba(0,0,0,0.5),0 1px 10px 0 rgba(0,0,0,0.15); margin: 1px; max-width:540px; min-width:326px; padding:0; width:99.375%; width:-webkit-calc(100% - 2px); width:calc(100% - 2px);"><div style="padding:16px;"><a href="https://www.instagram.com/p/B0pvDnDnL5y/" style=" background:#FFFFFF; line-height:0; padding:0 0; text-align:center; text-decoration:none; width:100%;" target="_blank"> <div style=" display: flex; flex-direction: row; align-items: center;"><div style="background-color: #F4F4F4; border-radius: 50%; flex-grow: 0; height: 40px; margin-right: 14px; width: 40px;"></div><div style="display: flex; flex-direction: column; flex-grow: 1; justify-content: center;"><div style=" background-color: #F4F4F4; border-radius: 4px; flex-grow: 0; height: 14px; margin-bottom: 6px; width: 100px;"></div><div style=" background-color: #F4F4F4; border-radius: 4px; flex-grow: 0; height: 14px; width: 60px;"></div></div></div><div style="padding: 19% 0;"></div><div style="display:block; height:50px; margin:0 auto 12px; width:50px;"><svg width="50px" height="50px" viewBox="0 0 60 60" version="1.1" xmlns="https://www.w3.org/2000/svg" xmlns:xlink="https://www.w3.org/1999/xlink"><g stroke="none" stroke-width="1" fill="none" fill-rule="evenodd"><g transform="translate(-511.000000, -20.000000)" fill="#000000"><g><path d="M556.869,30.41 C554.814,30.41 553.148,32.076 553.148,34.131 C553.148,36.186 554.814,37.852 556.869,37.852 C558.924,37.852 560.59,36.186 560.59,34.131 C560.59,32.076 558.924,30.41 556.869,30.41 M541,60.657 C535.114,60.657 530.342,55.887 530.342,50 C530.342,44.114 535.114,39.342 541,39.342 C546.887,39.342 551.658,44.114 551.658,50 C551.658,55.887 546.887,60.657 541,60.657 M541,33.886 C532.1,33.886 524.886,41.1 524.886,50 C524.886,58.899 532.1,66.113 541,66.113 C549.9,66.113 557.115,58.899 557.115,50 C557.115,41.1 549.9,33.886 541,33.886 M565.378,62.101 C565.244,65.022 564.756,66.606 564.346,67.663 C563.803,69.06 563.154,70.057 562.106,71.106 C561.058,72.155 560.06,72.803 558.662,73.347 C557.607,73.757 556.021,74.244 553.102,74.378 C549.944,74.521 548.997,74.552 541,74.552 C533.003,74.552 532.056,74.521 528.898,74.378 C525.979,74.244 524.393,73.757 523.338,73.347 C521.94,72.803 520.942,72.155 519.894,71.106 C518.846,70.057 518.197,69.06 517.654,67.663 C517.244,66.606 516.755,65.022 516.623,62.101 C516.479,58.943 516.448,57.996 516.448,50 C516.448,42.003 516.479,41.056 516.623,37.899 C516.755,34.978 517.244,33.391 517.654,32.338 C518.197,30.938 518.846,29.942 519.894,28.894 C520.942,27.846 521.94,27.196 523.338,26.654 C524.393,26.244 525.979,25.756 528.898,25.623 C532.057,25.479 533.004,25.448 541,25.448 C548.997,25.448 549.943,25.479 553.102,25.623 C556.021,25.756 557.607,26.244 558.662,26.654 C560.06,27.196 561.058,27.846 562.106,28.894 C563.154,29.942 563.803,30.938 564.346,32.338 C564.756,33.391 565.244,34.978 565.378,37.899 C565.522,41.056 565.552,42.003 565.552,50 C565.552,57.996 565.522,58.943 565.378,62.101 M570.82,37.631 C570.674,34.438 570.167,32.258 569.425,30.349 C568.659,28.377 567.633,26.702 565.965,25.035 C564.297,23.368 562.623,22.342 560.652,21.575 C558.743,20.834 556.562,20.326 553.369,20.18 C550.169,20.033 549.148,20 541,20 C532.853,20 531.831,20.033 528.631,20.18 C525.438,20.326 523.257,20.834 521.349,21.575 C519.376,22.342 517.703,23.368 516.035,25.035 C514.368,26.702 513.342,28.377 512.574,30.349 C511.834,32.258 511.326,34.438 511.181,37.631 C511.035,40.831 511,41.851 511,50 C511,58.147 511.035,59.17 511.181,62.369 C511.326,65.562 511.834,67.743 512.574,69.651 C513.342,71.625 514.368,73.296 516.035,74.965 C517.703,76.634 519.376,77.658 521.349,78.425 C523.257,79.167 525.438,79.673 528.631,79.82 C531.831,79.965 532.853,80.001 541,80.001 C549.148,80.001 550.169,79.965 553.369,79.82 C556.562,79.673 558.743,79.167 560.652,78.425 C562.623,77.658 564.297,76.634 565.965,74.965 C567.633,73.296 568.659,71.625 569.425,69.651 C570.167,67.743 570.674,65.562 570.82,62.369 C570.966,59.17 571,58.147 571,50 C571,41.851 570.966,40.831 570.82,37.631"></path></g></g></g></svg></div><div style="padding-top: 8px;"><div style=" color:#3897f0; font-family:Arial,sans-serif; font-size:14px; font-style:normal; font-weight:550; line-height:18px;">View this post on Instagram</div></div><div style="padding: 12.5% 0;"></div><div style="display: flex; flex-direction: row; margin-bottom: 14px; align-items: center;"><div><div style="background-color: #F4F4F4; border-radius: 50%; height: 12.5px; width: 12.5px; transform: translateX(0px) translateY(7px);"></div><div style="background-color: #F4F4F4; height: 12.5px; transform: rotate(-45deg) translateX(3px) translateY(1px); width: 12.5px; flex-grow: 0; margin-right: 14px; margin-left: 2px;"></div><div style="background-color: #F4F4F4; border-radius: 50%; height: 12.5px; width: 12.5px; transform: translateX(9px) translateY(-18px);"></div></div><div style="margin-left: 8px;"><div style=" background-color: #F4F4F4; border-radius: 50%; flex-grow: 0; height: 20px; width: 20px;"></div><div style=" width: 0; height: 0; border-top: 2px solid transparent; border-left: 6px solid #f4f4f4; border-bottom: 2px solid transparent; transform: translateX(16px) translateY(-4px) rotate(30deg)"></div></div><div style="margin-left: auto;"><div style=" width: 0px; border-top: 8px solid #F4F4F4; border-right: 8px solid transparent; transform: translateY(16px);"></div><div style=" background-color: #F4F4F4; flex-grow: 0; height: 12px; width: 16px; transform: translateY(-4px);"></div><div style=" width: 0; height: 0; border-top: 8px solid #F4F4F4; border-left: 8px solid transparent; transform: translateY(-4px) translateX(8px);"></div></div></div></a> <p style=" margin:8px 0 0 0; padding:0 4px;"><a href="https://www.instagram.com/p/B0pvDnDnL5y/" style=" color:#000; font-family:Arial,sans-serif; font-size:14px; font-style:normal; font-weight:normal; line-height:17px; text-decoration:none; word-wrap:break-word;" target="_blank">This is some bullshit in a Friday... but necessary for a peace of mind... #henglifesg</a></p><p style=" color:#c9c8cd; font-family:Arial,sans-serif; font-size:14px; line-height:17px; margin-bottom:0; margin-top:8px; overflow:hidden; padding:8px 0 7px; text-align:center; text-overflow:ellipsis; white-space:nowrap;">A post shared by <a href="https://www.instagram.com/asliceofheng/" style=" color:#c9c8cd; font-family:Arial,sans-serif; font-size:14px; font-style:normal; font-weight:normal; line-height:17px;" target="_blank"> Andy Heng</a> (@asliceofheng) on <time style=" font-family:Arial,sans-serif; font-size:14px; line-height:17px;" datetime="2019-08-02T06:48:47+00:00">Aug 1, 2019 at 11:48pm PDT</time></p></div></blockquote><script async src="//www.instagram.com/embed.js"></script></center><br />
Long story short, based on my medical records, the diagnosis was more likely Kidney-related, and yes, it was/is GOUT. It was painkillers or steroids (injections? pills?), the later of which is not recommended as I am already pumping my body with too much medication already.<br />
<br />
I am to return in another two weeks for a medical check/blood-work, to determine the next course of action. From my Kidney issues, there is already Protein in my urine, and so I am unsure if "acid" would be a new complication, based on online self-medication, which quite frankly through the years, has helped me prepare for the eventual diagnosis, but has not helped me with my anxiety beyond being officially diagnosed. Heh.<br />
<br />
<center><blockquote class="instagram-media" data-instgrm-captioned data-instgrm-permalink="https://www.instagram.com/p/B0p31mOH5_m/" data-instgrm-version="12" style=" background:#FFF; border:0; border-radius:3px; box-shadow:0 0 1px 0 rgba(0,0,0,0.5),0 1px 10px 0 rgba(0,0,0,0.15); margin: 1px; max-width:540px; min-width:326px; padding:0; width:99.375%; width:-webkit-calc(100% - 2px); width:calc(100% - 2px);"><div style="padding:16px;"><a href="https://www.instagram.com/p/B0p31mOH5_m/" style=" background:#FFFFFF; line-height:0; padding:0 0; text-align:center; text-decoration:none; width:100%;" target="_blank"> <div style=" display: flex; flex-direction: row; align-items: center;"><div style="background-color: #F4F4F4; border-radius: 50%; flex-grow: 0; height: 40px; margin-right: 14px; width: 40px;"></div><div style="display: flex; flex-direction: column; flex-grow: 1; justify-content: center;"><div style=" background-color: #F4F4F4; border-radius: 4px; flex-grow: 0; height: 14px; margin-bottom: 6px; width: 100px;"></div><div style=" background-color: #F4F4F4; border-radius: 4px; flex-grow: 0; height: 14px; width: 60px;"></div></div></div><div style="padding: 19% 0;"></div><div style="display:block; height:50px; margin:0 auto 12px; width:50px;"><svg width="50px" height="50px" viewBox="0 0 60 60" version="1.1" xmlns="https://www.w3.org/2000/svg" xmlns:xlink="https://www.w3.org/1999/xlink"><g stroke="none" stroke-width="1" fill="none" fill-rule="evenodd"><g transform="translate(-511.000000, -20.000000)" fill="#000000"><g><path d="M556.869,30.41 C554.814,30.41 553.148,32.076 553.148,34.131 C553.148,36.186 554.814,37.852 556.869,37.852 C558.924,37.852 560.59,36.186 560.59,34.131 C560.59,32.076 558.924,30.41 556.869,30.41 M541,60.657 C535.114,60.657 530.342,55.887 530.342,50 C530.342,44.114 535.114,39.342 541,39.342 C546.887,39.342 551.658,44.114 551.658,50 C551.658,55.887 546.887,60.657 541,60.657 M541,33.886 C532.1,33.886 524.886,41.1 524.886,50 C524.886,58.899 532.1,66.113 541,66.113 C549.9,66.113 557.115,58.899 557.115,50 C557.115,41.1 549.9,33.886 541,33.886 M565.378,62.101 C565.244,65.022 564.756,66.606 564.346,67.663 C563.803,69.06 563.154,70.057 562.106,71.106 C561.058,72.155 560.06,72.803 558.662,73.347 C557.607,73.757 556.021,74.244 553.102,74.378 C549.944,74.521 548.997,74.552 541,74.552 C533.003,74.552 532.056,74.521 528.898,74.378 C525.979,74.244 524.393,73.757 523.338,73.347 C521.94,72.803 520.942,72.155 519.894,71.106 C518.846,70.057 518.197,69.06 517.654,67.663 C517.244,66.606 516.755,65.022 516.623,62.101 C516.479,58.943 516.448,57.996 516.448,50 C516.448,42.003 516.479,41.056 516.623,37.899 C516.755,34.978 517.244,33.391 517.654,32.338 C518.197,30.938 518.846,29.942 519.894,28.894 C520.942,27.846 521.94,27.196 523.338,26.654 C524.393,26.244 525.979,25.756 528.898,25.623 C532.057,25.479 533.004,25.448 541,25.448 C548.997,25.448 549.943,25.479 553.102,25.623 C556.021,25.756 557.607,26.244 558.662,26.654 C560.06,27.196 561.058,27.846 562.106,28.894 C563.154,29.942 563.803,30.938 564.346,32.338 C564.756,33.391 565.244,34.978 565.378,37.899 C565.522,41.056 565.552,42.003 565.552,50 C565.552,57.996 565.522,58.943 565.378,62.101 M570.82,37.631 C570.674,34.438 570.167,32.258 569.425,30.349 C568.659,28.377 567.633,26.702 565.965,25.035 C564.297,23.368 562.623,22.342 560.652,21.575 C558.743,20.834 556.562,20.326 553.369,20.18 C550.169,20.033 549.148,20 541,20 C532.853,20 531.831,20.033 528.631,20.18 C525.438,20.326 523.257,20.834 521.349,21.575 C519.376,22.342 517.703,23.368 516.035,25.035 C514.368,26.702 513.342,28.377 512.574,30.349 C511.834,32.258 511.326,34.438 511.181,37.631 C511.035,40.831 511,41.851 511,50 C511,58.147 511.035,59.17 511.181,62.369 C511.326,65.562 511.834,67.743 512.574,69.651 C513.342,71.625 514.368,73.296 516.035,74.965 C517.703,76.634 519.376,77.658 521.349,78.425 C523.257,79.167 525.438,79.673 528.631,79.82 C531.831,79.965 532.853,80.001 541,80.001 C549.148,80.001 550.169,79.965 553.369,79.82 C556.562,79.673 558.743,79.167 560.652,78.425 C562.623,77.658 564.297,76.634 565.965,74.965 C567.633,73.296 568.659,71.625 569.425,69.651 C570.167,67.743 570.674,65.562 570.82,62.369 C570.966,59.17 571,58.147 571,50 C571,41.851 570.966,40.831 570.82,37.631"></path></g></g></g></svg></div><div style="padding-top: 8px;"><div style=" color:#3897f0; font-family:Arial,sans-serif; font-size:14px; font-style:normal; font-weight:550; line-height:18px;">View this post on Instagram</div></div><div style="padding: 12.5% 0;"></div><div style="display: flex; flex-direction: row; margin-bottom: 14px; align-items: center;"><div><div style="background-color: #F4F4F4; border-radius: 50%; height: 12.5px; width: 12.5px; transform: translateX(0px) translateY(7px);"></div><div style="background-color: #F4F4F4; height: 12.5px; transform: rotate(-45deg) translateX(3px) translateY(1px); width: 12.5px; flex-grow: 0; margin-right: 14px; margin-left: 2px;"></div><div style="background-color: #F4F4F4; border-radius: 50%; height: 12.5px; width: 12.5px; transform: translateX(9px) translateY(-18px);"></div></div><div style="margin-left: 8px;"><div style=" background-color: #F4F4F4; border-radius: 50%; flex-grow: 0; height: 20px; width: 20px;"></div><div style=" width: 0; height: 0; border-top: 2px solid transparent; border-left: 6px solid #f4f4f4; border-bottom: 2px solid transparent; transform: translateX(16px) translateY(-4px) rotate(30deg)"></div></div><div style="margin-left: auto;"><div style=" width: 0px; border-top: 8px solid #F4F4F4; border-right: 8px solid transparent; transform: translateY(16px);"></div><div style=" background-color: #F4F4F4; flex-grow: 0; height: 12px; width: 16px; transform: translateY(-4px);"></div><div style=" width: 0; height: 0; border-top: 8px solid #F4F4F4; border-left: 8px solid transparent; transform: translateY(-4px) translateX(8px);"></div></div></div></a> <p style=" margin:8px 0 0 0; padding:0 4px;"><a href="https://www.instagram.com/p/B0p31mOH5_m/" style=" color:#000; font-family:Arial,sans-serif; font-size:14px; font-style:normal; font-weight:normal; line-height:17px; text-decoration:none; word-wrap:break-word;" target="_blank">Glad I didn’t chuck my walking cane when I could walk again from Stroke, as it had helped me thru too many a times thru the years since ..: diagnosed with gout today, and thankfully I had this to fall back on, to walk my way to and fro the clinic lol The gout was more likely brought on by my deteriorating kidney, the result of which was nearly a decade’s worth of taking (a specific) medication for one of the symptoms which caused my Stroke. Like I need more drama in my life beyond this lol #henglifesg</a></p><p style=" color:#c9c8cd; font-family:Arial,sans-serif; font-size:14px; line-height:17px; margin-bottom:0; margin-top:8px; overflow:hidden; padding:8px 0 7px; text-align:center; text-overflow:ellipsis; white-space:nowrap;">A post shared by <a href="https://www.instagram.com/asliceofheng/" style=" color:#c9c8cd; font-family:Arial,sans-serif; font-size:14px; font-style:normal; font-weight:normal; line-height:17px;" target="_blank"> Andy Heng</a> (@asliceofheng) on <time style=" font-family:Arial,sans-serif; font-size:14px; line-height:17px;" datetime="2019-08-02T08:05:31+00:00">Aug 2, 2019 at 1:05am PDT</time></p></div></blockquote><script async src="//www.instagram.com/embed.js"></script></center><br />
The following days/weekend had been a challenge to navigate. Besides falling back to using my walking cane (from Stroke days) to walk outside of the house, the issues had always been nighttime, when the pain manifested.<br />
<br />
Throughout daytime, I had used both a spray-on "Zheng Gu Shui" (meant for sprain-relief), and the ice-pack to quell the pain, both of whom worked but for a couple of days. And while I could bare the pain in day-time, refusing to take pain-killers (*I refuse to, since my Stroke in 2010, as I want to know the pain, letting my body "tell" me where is wrong in my body lol), by the time I lie in bed, unmoving no less, the pain was something to behold.<br />
<br />
By night three I took painkillers, and I slept through it like a baby, waking up even later than I usually do in the (late) morning. For two more nights I took painkillers, until I have since decided not to.<br />
<br />
I asked the doctor "How long will this last", with the answer being "three to four days", and then "longest would last between a week to a month" .... as of this blogpost, it has already been a week, dammit...<br />
<br />
The pain has since subsided, compared to a week ago, with a couple of developments which I had wanted to put on record here.<br />
<br />
While the pain was "internal" a week ago - pressing the swelling spots elicited sharp pain, as of Day 6, the swelling has gone down significantly (but not gone away totally), BUT leaving the skin being extremely sensitive - I could run my finger over the surface, and the pain would be sharp-ish. So now the skin surface on the side of my feet / toe region is extremely sensitive to pain, which is an issue, because I wear slippers at home (NOT wearing slippers at home is not an option).<br />
<br />
Sides of the slippers scrapes at the pain every single time I take a step. I bought a new pair of slippers too, as the former had cracked, and may have contributed to a scrape on the surface of my feet, no less.<br />
<br />
One thing I do (right now), is wear a sock on the feet, so even if it rubs against the slipper, it is less painful than it is without. At this stage of pain, somewhat binding the feet, works for me.<br />
<br />
All this also means being home-bound at the very least for the time being, although I am egged to go out for my walks, as I need to exercise to loose this damn weight!<br />
<br />
Besides what I need to shed, what I take into myself is what I can currently take note of;<br />
<br />
<center><blockquote class="instagram-media" data-instgrm-captioned data-instgrm-permalink="https://www.instagram.com/p/B0qSK4bneMX/" data-instgrm-version="12" style=" background:#FFF; border:0; border-radius:3px; box-shadow:0 0 1px 0 rgba(0,0,0,0.5),0 1px 10px 0 rgba(0,0,0,0.15); margin: 1px; max-width:540px; min-width:326px; padding:0; width:99.375%; width:-webkit-calc(100% - 2px); width:calc(100% - 2px);"><div style="padding:16px;"><a href="https://www.instagram.com/p/B0qSK4bneMX/" style=" background:#FFFFFF; line-height:0; padding:0 0; text-align:center; text-decoration:none; width:100%;" target="_blank"> <div style=" display: flex; flex-direction: row; align-items: center;"><div style="background-color: #F4F4F4; border-radius: 50%; flex-grow: 0; height: 40px; margin-right: 14px; width: 40px;"></div><div style="display: flex; flex-direction: column; flex-grow: 1; justify-content: center;"><div style=" background-color: #F4F4F4; border-radius: 4px; flex-grow: 0; height: 14px; margin-bottom: 6px; width: 100px;"></div><div style=" background-color: #F4F4F4; border-radius: 4px; flex-grow: 0; height: 14px; width: 60px;"></div></div></div><div style="padding: 19% 0;"></div><div style="display:block; height:50px; margin:0 auto 12px; width:50px;"><svg width="50px" height="50px" viewBox="0 0 60 60" version="1.1" xmlns="https://www.w3.org/2000/svg" xmlns:xlink="https://www.w3.org/1999/xlink"><g stroke="none" stroke-width="1" fill="none" fill-rule="evenodd"><g transform="translate(-511.000000, -20.000000)" fill="#000000"><g><path d="M556.869,30.41 C554.814,30.41 553.148,32.076 553.148,34.131 C553.148,36.186 554.814,37.852 556.869,37.852 C558.924,37.852 560.59,36.186 560.59,34.131 C560.59,32.076 558.924,30.41 556.869,30.41 M541,60.657 C535.114,60.657 530.342,55.887 530.342,50 C530.342,44.114 535.114,39.342 541,39.342 C546.887,39.342 551.658,44.114 551.658,50 C551.658,55.887 546.887,60.657 541,60.657 M541,33.886 C532.1,33.886 524.886,41.1 524.886,50 C524.886,58.899 532.1,66.113 541,66.113 C549.9,66.113 557.115,58.899 557.115,50 C557.115,41.1 549.9,33.886 541,33.886 M565.378,62.101 C565.244,65.022 564.756,66.606 564.346,67.663 C563.803,69.06 563.154,70.057 562.106,71.106 C561.058,72.155 560.06,72.803 558.662,73.347 C557.607,73.757 556.021,74.244 553.102,74.378 C549.944,74.521 548.997,74.552 541,74.552 C533.003,74.552 532.056,74.521 528.898,74.378 C525.979,74.244 524.393,73.757 523.338,73.347 C521.94,72.803 520.942,72.155 519.894,71.106 C518.846,70.057 518.197,69.06 517.654,67.663 C517.244,66.606 516.755,65.022 516.623,62.101 C516.479,58.943 516.448,57.996 516.448,50 C516.448,42.003 516.479,41.056 516.623,37.899 C516.755,34.978 517.244,33.391 517.654,32.338 C518.197,30.938 518.846,29.942 519.894,28.894 C520.942,27.846 521.94,27.196 523.338,26.654 C524.393,26.244 525.979,25.756 528.898,25.623 C532.057,25.479 533.004,25.448 541,25.448 C548.997,25.448 549.943,25.479 553.102,25.623 C556.021,25.756 557.607,26.244 558.662,26.654 C560.06,27.196 561.058,27.846 562.106,28.894 C563.154,29.942 563.803,30.938 564.346,32.338 C564.756,33.391 565.244,34.978 565.378,37.899 C565.522,41.056 565.552,42.003 565.552,50 C565.552,57.996 565.522,58.943 565.378,62.101 M570.82,37.631 C570.674,34.438 570.167,32.258 569.425,30.349 C568.659,28.377 567.633,26.702 565.965,25.035 C564.297,23.368 562.623,22.342 560.652,21.575 C558.743,20.834 556.562,20.326 553.369,20.18 C550.169,20.033 549.148,20 541,20 C532.853,20 531.831,20.033 528.631,20.18 C525.438,20.326 523.257,20.834 521.349,21.575 C519.376,22.342 517.703,23.368 516.035,25.035 C514.368,26.702 513.342,28.377 512.574,30.349 C511.834,32.258 511.326,34.438 511.181,37.631 C511.035,40.831 511,41.851 511,50 C511,58.147 511.035,59.17 511.181,62.369 C511.326,65.562 511.834,67.743 512.574,69.651 C513.342,71.625 514.368,73.296 516.035,74.965 C517.703,76.634 519.376,77.658 521.349,78.425 C523.257,79.167 525.438,79.673 528.631,79.82 C531.831,79.965 532.853,80.001 541,80.001 C549.148,80.001 550.169,79.965 553.369,79.82 C556.562,79.673 558.743,79.167 560.652,78.425 C562.623,77.658 564.297,76.634 565.965,74.965 C567.633,73.296 568.659,71.625 569.425,69.651 C570.167,67.743 570.674,65.562 570.82,62.369 C570.966,59.17 571,58.147 571,50 C571,41.851 570.966,40.831 570.82,37.631"></path></g></g></g></svg></div><div style="padding-top: 8px;"><div style=" color:#3897f0; font-family:Arial,sans-serif; font-size:14px; font-style:normal; font-weight:550; line-height:18px;">View this post on Instagram</div></div><div style="padding: 12.5% 0;"></div><div style="display: flex; flex-direction: row; margin-bottom: 14px; align-items: center;"><div><div style="background-color: #F4F4F4; border-radius: 50%; height: 12.5px; width: 12.5px; transform: translateX(0px) translateY(7px);"></div><div style="background-color: #F4F4F4; height: 12.5px; transform: rotate(-45deg) translateX(3px) translateY(1px); width: 12.5px; flex-grow: 0; margin-right: 14px; margin-left: 2px;"></div><div style="background-color: #F4F4F4; border-radius: 50%; height: 12.5px; width: 12.5px; transform: translateX(9px) translateY(-18px);"></div></div><div style="margin-left: 8px;"><div style=" background-color: #F4F4F4; border-radius: 50%; flex-grow: 0; height: 20px; width: 20px;"></div><div style=" width: 0; height: 0; border-top: 2px solid transparent; border-left: 6px solid #f4f4f4; border-bottom: 2px solid transparent; transform: translateX(16px) translateY(-4px) rotate(30deg)"></div></div><div style="margin-left: auto;"><div style=" width: 0px; border-top: 8px solid #F4F4F4; border-right: 8px solid transparent; transform: translateY(16px);"></div><div style=" background-color: #F4F4F4; flex-grow: 0; height: 12px; width: 16px; transform: translateY(-4px);"></div><div style=" width: 0; height: 0; border-top: 8px solid #F4F4F4; border-left: 8px solid transparent; transform: translateY(-4px) translateX(8px);"></div></div></div></a> <p style=" margin:8px 0 0 0; padding:0 4px;"><a href="https://www.instagram.com/p/B0qSK4bneMX/" style=" color:#000; font-family:Arial,sans-serif; font-size:14px; font-style:normal; font-weight:normal; line-height:17px; text-decoration:none; word-wrap:break-word;" target="_blank">Today’s salad has become the perfect solution to my new dietary restriction ... probably a good thing this has happened, “forcing” me yet again to “wake up” and take action? No seafood, no meat, no beans #fuckgout #myeatlife #henglifesg</a></p><p style=" color:#c9c8cd; font-family:Arial,sans-serif; font-size:14px; line-height:17px; margin-bottom:0; margin-top:8px; overflow:hidden; padding:8px 0 7px; text-align:center; text-overflow:ellipsis; white-space:nowrap;">A post shared by <a href="https://www.instagram.com/asliceofheng/" style=" color:#c9c8cd; font-family:Arial,sans-serif; font-size:14px; font-style:normal; font-weight:normal; line-height:17px;" target="_blank"> Andy Heng</a> (@asliceofheng) on <time style=" font-family:Arial,sans-serif; font-size:14px; line-height:17px;" datetime="2019-08-02T11:55:37+00:00">Aug 2, 2019 at 4:55am PDT</time></p></div></blockquote><script async src="//www.instagram.com/embed.js"></script></center><br />
The new dietary regiment - in anticipation of the checkup coming up in a week's time (now) - includes No Meat, No Beans, No Seafood/Fish/Small Fish, and coupled with my previous "Nos" for diabetes, it leaves my diet a "challenge", but not unable to overcome. All this is quite literally forcing me to walk a dietary path I SHOULD have chosen to walk right after I walked out of Stroke hospital stays 9 years ago, but did not stick to - which has since left me <b>overweight</b> (*One of which seriously leads to gout in the first place), and still needing a bountiful of daily medication.<br />
<br />
Kind friends and folks always tell me what NOT to eat, but not everyone can tell me what I CAN eat, and quite frankly I can currently afford with my zero ability, since February of this year, when Google cancelled the ad revenue for the blog.<br />
<br />
I am currently not taking any specific medication for the gout, but for painkillers to quell the pain, and quite frankly have not seemed TCM (Traditional Chinese Medicine), as I seriously do not want to ump my body with more medication as I already am, and there are no specific foods I can take to remedy the situation, besides NOT eating specific stuff, and exercising.<br />
<br />
<center><blockquote class="instagram-media" data-instgrm-captioned data-instgrm-permalink="https://www.instagram.com/p/B0x_629nc6B/" data-instgrm-version="12" style=" background:#FFF; border:0; border-radius:3px; box-shadow:0 0 1px 0 rgba(0,0,0,0.5),0 1px 10px 0 rgba(0,0,0,0.15); margin: 1px; max-width:540px; min-width:326px; padding:0; width:99.375%; width:-webkit-calc(100% - 2px); width:calc(100% - 2px);"><div style="padding:16px;"><a href="https://www.instagram.com/p/B0x_629nc6B/" style=" background:#FFFFFF; line-height:0; padding:0 0; text-align:center; text-decoration:none; width:100%;" target="_blank"> <div style=" display: flex; flex-direction: row; align-items: center;"><div style="background-color: #F4F4F4; border-radius: 50%; flex-grow: 0; height: 40px; margin-right: 14px; width: 40px;"></div><div style="display: flex; flex-direction: column; flex-grow: 1; justify-content: center;"><div style=" background-color: #F4F4F4; border-radius: 4px; flex-grow: 0; height: 14px; margin-bottom: 6px; width: 100px;"></div><div style=" background-color: #F4F4F4; border-radius: 4px; flex-grow: 0; height: 14px; width: 60px;"></div></div></div><div style="padding: 19% 0;"></div><div style="display:block; height:50px; margin:0 auto 12px; width:50px;"><svg width="50px" height="50px" viewBox="0 0 60 60" version="1.1" xmlns="https://www.w3.org/2000/svg" xmlns:xlink="https://www.w3.org/1999/xlink"><g stroke="none" stroke-width="1" fill="none" fill-rule="evenodd"><g transform="translate(-511.000000, -20.000000)" fill="#000000"><g><path d="M556.869,30.41 C554.814,30.41 553.148,32.076 553.148,34.131 C553.148,36.186 554.814,37.852 556.869,37.852 C558.924,37.852 560.59,36.186 560.59,34.131 C560.59,32.076 558.924,30.41 556.869,30.41 M541,60.657 C535.114,60.657 530.342,55.887 530.342,50 C530.342,44.114 535.114,39.342 541,39.342 C546.887,39.342 551.658,44.114 551.658,50 C551.658,55.887 546.887,60.657 541,60.657 M541,33.886 C532.1,33.886 524.886,41.1 524.886,50 C524.886,58.899 532.1,66.113 541,66.113 C549.9,66.113 557.115,58.899 557.115,50 C557.115,41.1 549.9,33.886 541,33.886 M565.378,62.101 C565.244,65.022 564.756,66.606 564.346,67.663 C563.803,69.06 563.154,70.057 562.106,71.106 C561.058,72.155 560.06,72.803 558.662,73.347 C557.607,73.757 556.021,74.244 553.102,74.378 C549.944,74.521 548.997,74.552 541,74.552 C533.003,74.552 532.056,74.521 528.898,74.378 C525.979,74.244 524.393,73.757 523.338,73.347 C521.94,72.803 520.942,72.155 519.894,71.106 C518.846,70.057 518.197,69.06 517.654,67.663 C517.244,66.606 516.755,65.022 516.623,62.101 C516.479,58.943 516.448,57.996 516.448,50 C516.448,42.003 516.479,41.056 516.623,37.899 C516.755,34.978 517.244,33.391 517.654,32.338 C518.197,30.938 518.846,29.942 519.894,28.894 C520.942,27.846 521.94,27.196 523.338,26.654 C524.393,26.244 525.979,25.756 528.898,25.623 C532.057,25.479 533.004,25.448 541,25.448 C548.997,25.448 549.943,25.479 553.102,25.623 C556.021,25.756 557.607,26.244 558.662,26.654 C560.06,27.196 561.058,27.846 562.106,28.894 C563.154,29.942 563.803,30.938 564.346,32.338 C564.756,33.391 565.244,34.978 565.378,37.899 C565.522,41.056 565.552,42.003 565.552,50 C565.552,57.996 565.522,58.943 565.378,62.101 M570.82,37.631 C570.674,34.438 570.167,32.258 569.425,30.349 C568.659,28.377 567.633,26.702 565.965,25.035 C564.297,23.368 562.623,22.342 560.652,21.575 C558.743,20.834 556.562,20.326 553.369,20.18 C550.169,20.033 549.148,20 541,20 C532.853,20 531.831,20.033 528.631,20.18 C525.438,20.326 523.257,20.834 521.349,21.575 C519.376,22.342 517.703,23.368 516.035,25.035 C514.368,26.702 513.342,28.377 512.574,30.349 C511.834,32.258 511.326,34.438 511.181,37.631 C511.035,40.831 511,41.851 511,50 C511,58.147 511.035,59.17 511.181,62.369 C511.326,65.562 511.834,67.743 512.574,69.651 C513.342,71.625 514.368,73.296 516.035,74.965 C517.703,76.634 519.376,77.658 521.349,78.425 C523.257,79.167 525.438,79.673 528.631,79.82 C531.831,79.965 532.853,80.001 541,80.001 C549.148,80.001 550.169,79.965 553.369,79.82 C556.562,79.673 558.743,79.167 560.652,78.425 C562.623,77.658 564.297,76.634 565.965,74.965 C567.633,73.296 568.659,71.625 569.425,69.651 C570.167,67.743 570.674,65.562 570.82,62.369 C570.966,59.17 571,58.147 571,50 C571,41.851 570.966,40.831 570.82,37.631"></path></g></g></g></svg></div><div style="padding-top: 8px;"><div style=" color:#3897f0; font-family:Arial,sans-serif; font-size:14px; font-style:normal; font-weight:550; line-height:18px;">View this post on Instagram</div></div><div style="padding: 12.5% 0;"></div><div style="display: flex; flex-direction: row; margin-bottom: 14px; align-items: center;"><div><div style="background-color: #F4F4F4; border-radius: 50%; height: 12.5px; width: 12.5px; transform: translateX(0px) translateY(7px);"></div><div style="background-color: #F4F4F4; height: 12.5px; transform: rotate(-45deg) translateX(3px) translateY(1px); width: 12.5px; flex-grow: 0; margin-right: 14px; margin-left: 2px;"></div><div style="background-color: #F4F4F4; border-radius: 50%; height: 12.5px; width: 12.5px; transform: translateX(9px) translateY(-18px);"></div></div><div style="margin-left: 8px;"><div style=" background-color: #F4F4F4; border-radius: 50%; flex-grow: 0; height: 20px; width: 20px;"></div><div style=" width: 0; height: 0; border-top: 2px solid transparent; border-left: 6px solid #f4f4f4; border-bottom: 2px solid transparent; transform: translateX(16px) translateY(-4px) rotate(30deg)"></div></div><div style="margin-left: auto;"><div style=" width: 0px; border-top: 8px solid #F4F4F4; border-right: 8px solid transparent; transform: translateY(16px);"></div><div style=" background-color: #F4F4F4; flex-grow: 0; height: 12px; width: 16px; transform: translateY(-4px);"></div><div style=" width: 0; height: 0; border-top: 8px solid #F4F4F4; border-left: 8px solid transparent; transform: translateY(-4px) translateX(8px);"></div></div></div></a> <p style=" margin:8px 0 0 0; padding:0 4px;"><a href="https://www.instagram.com/p/B0x_629nc6B/" style=" color:#000; font-family:Arial,sans-serif; font-size:14px; font-style:normal; font-weight:normal; line-height:17px; text-decoration:none; word-wrap:break-word;" target="_blank">#henglifesg still needs to go on, innit? Gout or not, pain or not, I refuse to just sit at home and mope (but of course lesser pain today lah, so can hobble outdoors heehee). #singaporelife</a></p><p style=" color:#c9c8cd; font-family:Arial,sans-serif; font-size:14px; line-height:17px; margin-bottom:0; margin-top:8px; overflow:hidden; padding:8px 0 7px; text-align:center; text-overflow:ellipsis; white-space:nowrap;">A post shared by <a href="https://www.instagram.com/asliceofheng/" style=" color:#c9c8cd; font-family:Arial,sans-serif; font-size:14px; font-style:normal; font-weight:normal; line-height:17px;" target="_blank"> Andy Heng</a> (@asliceofheng) on <time style=" font-family:Arial,sans-serif; font-size:14px; line-height:17px;" datetime="2019-08-05T11:50:04+00:00">Aug 5, 2019 at 4:50am PDT</time></p></div></blockquote><script async src="//www.instagram.com/embed.js"></script></center>TOYSREVILhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03872736377423548421noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2824210430419585227.post-64346167030964002212017-10-26T17:15:00.000+08:002017-10-28T14:12:33.818+08:00Seven Years OnI’ve always assumed “October 20th” to be my “second birthday”, as I’d regained consciousness in the Acute Stroke Ward #18 in Changi General Hospital on October 20th, 2010 … come to think of it, I’m not wholly 100% certain I woke up on the 20th (I need to check my medical records), nor at what time I did so, blaming my own pedantic “need” for such details that remain inconsequential (perhaps) - unless I’d plan to buy the lottery (with the specific numbers) - but otherwise as “important” as I remember mobile phone numbers <b>not at all</b>, as I rely on my handphone’s memory, in the first place.<br />
<br />
SEVEN YEARS ON, my memory is not as great as it had been, or rather what I had felt to be “important” to be remembered, not longer feels as “important”. Holding unto the past is something I have become unfortunately being good at, but still, some things are not necessarily worthy of the effort, or at the least, I actively did not choose to remember them… or have I? Can’t really remember, actually, no b.s..<br />
<br />
SEVEN YEARS ON, my blood sugar level read “5.3” - checked 3 days ago, while my left leg is slowly developing a sense of numbness/buzz (which I attribute to my Diabetes taking a devastating effect hopefully not leading to an amputation of my leg dammit), my daily dizziness reaching new heights, but as long as I am moving slower and reacting slower than I have been constantly forgetting I had Stroke - than perhaps I can move on.<br />
<br />
SEVEN YEARS ON, my daily health is a major concern and restriction still to me “moving on with life”. My energy level is more limiting now that it had been seven years back, and it strains even my energy, physically and mentally having to spend an entire day out now. The recent toycon in September, was a struggle physically, for example. A single day was all I could muster, after which I needed a few days to literally recover. Thank goodness the teaching gig was decently spread out, although not always the case, but somewhat bearable, and enough to collapse on the bus home, embraced by the air-conditioning which sheltered the strain haha<br />
<br />
OR, I could just be getting “Old” lah :p<br />
<br />
SEVEN YEARS ON, I am trying my level best to go on the day without the eye-patch. As much as my double-vision remains an impairment, I cannot allow it to <b>fully</b> control my life, as much as I truly abhor now the feeling of the tightened grip of the eye-patch’s bands, or of the sweatiness that comes with my chubby body soaking into said-band. Which also means I squint at people more now, which instead garners as much “attention” as much as I had worn my “pirate” eye-patch hahahaha at least I’d be hearing less “AAARRRRR” ever so often hahahaha PUI :p<br />
<br />
SEVEN YEARS ON, I have come to grips that I am the result of my small victories and triumphs, as I am of my failed dreams and unsated desires. “Going at it positively”, as somewhat given into a begrudging acceptance of “reality” in the world I am now living in. Whatever unrequited dreams remain still, though somewhat altered accordingly ... of course I still “Dream On”, but more often than less, I tend to smell the roses along the way more :)<br />
<br />
SEVEN YEARS ON, I find myself “holding back” as much as I “dish it out”, and I am no longer as clear as what I want to do, than what I hope to accomplish now, given the opportunity(ies). “Come what may” is unfortunately no longer an option, as familial situations now dictate a more concrete plan for the future, for the very least to be able to take care of myself, and my family around me. To that end, I feel as if I’ve lost tons of “friends” in the process, but as well gained “new friends”, recognising that any “expectations” I may have of other folks, might not be as relevant as I’d hoped they would be, than of how I choose to face others, or have other’s perception of me.<br />
<br />
SEVEN YEARS ON, I find myself wadding in uncharted waters, “puddles of mystery liquid” would be a more accurate term, I suppose, and I aim to get clear of such puddles, as actively as I can. It is not about “staying dry”, but at the very least, knowing my own level of comfort, as I wade in the “pools of uncertainty”.<br />
<br />
If “LIFE” is not perfect, then I begrudge not what has been “denied” me (<b>Nobody owes me a living, of course</b>), but instead remain grateful I could still stand on my own two feet, and have a cuppa (or two) and engaged in conversation, on a Sunday afternoon. I should not say “that’s my lot in life”, but instead say “that’s the life I choose to lead now”, in my own time, my own pace, catching up to no one else but my own expectations of myself, and of course my “dreams”.<br />
<br />
SEVEN YEARS ON, I am getting tired of “explaining” myself to folks around me (NOT like I did unsolicited, in the early years LOL), even though I (“instinctively” or otherwise) know folks who actually “care”, or are just curious for curiosity’s sake, unfair as it sounds, no doubt. To the world at large - seeing me walk (without an obvious gait), and not wearing an eye-patch, I am as “normal” like everyone else, until I twitch and squint, and avoid the night :p<br />
<br />
<center><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhe9vbroqp3m3hkTrYVi0vFulwh-eV-9BgIjHFqC3oaDlWb9Iit7oaWteXPpwNBK4YZwMkbGp5z7Ah4XVvP8-qUfQzoeLCprYm8HcHpGygOxv5Tuzrz6DVT4t0U5HFlYlDpKjqc1hVRNR9g/s1600/2010+vs+2017.png" imageanchor="1" ><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhe9vbroqp3m3hkTrYVi0vFulwh-eV-9BgIjHFqC3oaDlWb9Iit7oaWteXPpwNBK4YZwMkbGp5z7Ah4XVvP8-qUfQzoeLCprYm8HcHpGygOxv5Tuzrz6DVT4t0U5HFlYlDpKjqc1hVRNR9g/s400/2010+vs+2017.png" width="400" height="265" data-original-width="892" data-original-height="592" /></a></center><br />
SEVEN YEARS ON, it frankly still feels as if everything as just a few “months back”. And while I have come to accept that I may not escape the shadow of Stroke (survival), I also recognise that “life”, “MY LIFE” still needs to go forth, regardless of how I feel about it, be it what I deserve or not, it is still my life to lead, and grateful I am to be leading it still, IMHO.<br />
<br />
SEVEN YEARS ON, I still remember as clearly my first thought, and subsequent reaction and action … of my “desire(s)”, and the realisation of how I should treat my desire(s).<br />
<br />
Seven Years has since passed, as did the 20th, and not “remembering” the day itself, is perhaps a “good thing”? Time to “move on” … just need to constantly remind myself to keep on “moving forward” ... or so I constantly, daily, tell myself to.<br />
<br />
Cheers, and Thank You for reading :)<br />
Andy<br />
TOYSREVILhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03872736377423548421noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2824210430419585227.post-38693044442024810722017-08-11T14:06:00.000+08:002017-08-11T14:14:28.816+08:00A Personal Update Journal & Of Mental Durability<center><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiy34kvrCgZuEhi8dpdCODM8BfL6_QRYNiopOH1QdVZgvM1SWG85SW2H0bz0xSMbooUgPvHiOjQB2eWmYGD0Ic2cDvAPUkmNDDuWLJhs8daqr2SWVjNvsNRAbrhlDhH7aB8OENSG1ZJH1oI/s1600/7+years+of+stroke.png" imageanchor="1" ><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiy34kvrCgZuEhi8dpdCODM8BfL6_QRYNiopOH1QdVZgvM1SWG85SW2H0bz0xSMbooUgPvHiOjQB2eWmYGD0Ic2cDvAPUkmNDDuWLJhs8daqr2SWVjNvsNRAbrhlDhH7aB8OENSG1ZJH1oI/s1600/7+years+of+stroke.png" data-original-width="500" data-original-height="503" /></a></center><br />
Reuniting with my ex-classmates from over two decades ago (the second time for me, this past National Day on August 9th, 2017), I’d begun to regale folks will my “Stroke-adventures” (even I stopped telling Taxi-uncles after a few years lol), and had a rethink of my circumstances, from before-Stroke, til now, nearly seven years later, after waking up in the Acute Stroke Ward at the end of October, 2010.<br />
<br />
Long Story Short: <a href="http://stroke41.blogspot.sg/2011/03/seeing-double.html" target="_blank"><u>Eye-sight</u></a> is better now, having developed a severe dislike to wearing the eye-patch (although I still do when it comes to focus and mobility, but otherwise I no longer mind looking at “two plates of food” in front of me LOL).<br />
<br />
<a href="http://stroke41.blogspot.sg/2011/08/mobility-and-dexterity.html" target="_blank"><u>Mobility</u></a> is a mixed bag, as I find myself stumbling more these days, of not for my fat-frame, but for my sense of balance, which is really not great as before … As for “constant exercise”, I had recently gone back to lecturing part-time, which provides me with movement, true - but I recognise I really should get off my fatass blogging like a insane mad (Who’s writing this blog-post again? HAH) and move more, I know, <i>I know … :p</i><br />
<br />
<center><iframe width="500" height="281" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/yZow1148_j4?rel=0&showinfo=0" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe></center><blockquote><i>"I just visited him at CGH on 22/10/10. He is now able to move his limb and speak roughly (and tell jokes). As his vision is quite unbalanced, he will be required to wear an eye patch which changes side frequently. He is mentally strong and I believe he will recover well. Best wishes to him!"</i></blockquote>Featured above is a video recorded by a friend (whom I met thru my blog, actually) who visited my bedside a few days into me being warded at Changi General Hospital (I was first there for a month, before <a href="http://stroke41.blogspot.sg/2011/03/walking-on.html" target="_blank"><u>moving to St. Andrews</u></a>), and is a gentle reminder of how far I had come since then, a slice of which I had attempted to share with folks here reading this blog :)<br />
<br />
Met a dear friend from overseas not too long ago (Waves to Lekky!), who had the “benefit” to have met a chubbier me from years back (3 years, maybe?), and noting a “slightly slimmer” me, left such a huge smile on my face and in my heart - I need to make more of an effort to get myself healthier!<br />
<br />
<center><blockquote class="instagram-media" data-instgrm-captioned data-instgrm-version="7" style=" background:#FFF; border:0; border-radius:3px; box-shadow:0 0 1px 0 rgba(0,0,0,0.5),0 1px 10px 0 rgba(0,0,0,0.15); margin: 1px; max-width:658px; padding:0; width:99.375%; width:-webkit-calc(100% - 2px); width:calc(100% - 2px);"><div style="padding:8px;"><div style=" background:#F8F8F8; line-height:0; margin-top:40px; padding:50.0% 0; text-align:center; width:100%;"><div style=" background:url(data:image/png;base64,iVBORw0KGgoAAAANSUhEUgAAACwAAAAsCAMAAAApWqozAAAABGdBTUEAALGPC/xhBQAAAAFzUkdCAK7OHOkAAAAMUExURczMzPf399fX1+bm5mzY9AMAAADiSURBVDjLvZXbEsMgCES5/P8/t9FuRVCRmU73JWlzosgSIIZURCjo/ad+EQJJB4Hv8BFt+IDpQoCx1wjOSBFhh2XssxEIYn3ulI/6MNReE07UIWJEv8UEOWDS88LY97kqyTliJKKtuYBbruAyVh5wOHiXmpi5we58Ek028czwyuQdLKPG1Bkb4NnM+VeAnfHqn1k4+GPT6uGQcvu2h2OVuIf/gWUFyy8OWEpdyZSa3aVCqpVoVvzZZ2VTnn2wU8qzVjDDetO90GSy9mVLqtgYSy231MxrY6I2gGqjrTY0L8fxCxfCBbhWrsYYAAAAAElFTkSuQmCC); display:block; height:44px; margin:0 auto -44px; position:relative; top:-22px; width:44px;"></div></div><p style=" margin:8px 0 0 0; padding:0 4px;"><a href="https://www.instagram.com/p/BXotiV9FfYu/" style=" color:#000; font-family:Arial,sans-serif; font-size:14px; font-style:normal; font-weight:normal; line-height:17px; text-decoration:none; word-wrap:break-word;" target="_blank">Worked up a lil sweat this Friday morning, cutting up the cucumber, slicing and toasting the loaf etc... And recognise it's a well decent way for a bout of morning "exercise" before I plonk my fatass down to blog like a slave for the day! So maybe that's how it'll go, as long as the fridge is stocked and I don't loose interest too soon lol #henglifesg #eatlife</a></p><p style=" color:#c9c8cd; font-family:Arial,sans-serif; font-size:14px; line-height:17px; margin-bottom:0; margin-top:8px; overflow:hidden; padding:8px 0 7px; text-align:center; text-overflow:ellipsis; white-space:nowrap;">A post shared by Andy Heng (@asliceofheng) on <time style=" font-family:Arial,sans-serif; font-size:14px; line-height:17px;" datetime="2017-08-11T02:05:50+00:00">Aug 10, 2017 at 7:05pm PDT</time></p></div></blockquote><script async defer src="//platform.instagram.com/en_US/embeds.js"></script></center><br />
I have also come to realize, it isn’t exactly a past I am capable of “forgetting”, as I have not “succeeded” in life, even after (limited) recovery … with all that I can achieve now, I am also reminded constantly of what I <b>cannot</b> achieve physically, which in turn of course reminds me of the past, right? And as much as I muster the memories of the effort I had put thru to <a href="http://stroke41.blogspot.sg/2012/04/regaining-independence.html" target="_blank"><u>regain my independence </u></a>to life, to push myself forward, there’ll be times when harmless comments chip at my confidence, scraping at my vulnerabilities, and I am back to the insecurities of a secondary school boy again, even before Stroke!<br />
<br />
I used to abhor it when folks who say my Stroke was “MILD”, as if the effort I put thru in recovery and rehabilitation did not justify any recognition or worth! But in reality, it’s “worth” only matters to ME, while others do not know or can identify with otherwise.<br />
<br />
These days I will be the first to exclaim that I had been “lucky that it had been mild”, as I constantly remember the folks around me in the ward, and in the rehab centers (then), that I can now speak properly (I can talk my students to sleep, maybe :p), and walk without an obvious gait, so <i>HENG, AH! KNN!</i><br />
<br />
<center><blockquote class="instagram-media" data-instgrm-captioned data-instgrm-version="7" style=" background:#FFF; border:0; border-radius:3px; box-shadow:0 0 1px 0 rgba(0,0,0,0.5),0 1px 10px 0 rgba(0,0,0,0.15); margin: 1px; max-width:658px; padding:0; width:99.375%; width:-webkit-calc(100% - 2px); width:calc(100% - 2px);"><div style="padding:8px;"><div style=" background:#F8F8F8; line-height:0; margin-top:40px; padding:50.0% 0; text-align:center; width:100%;"><div style=" background:url(data:image/png;base64,iVBORw0KGgoAAAANSUhEUgAAACwAAAAsCAMAAAApWqozAAAABGdBTUEAALGPC/xhBQAAAAFzUkdCAK7OHOkAAAAMUExURczMzPf399fX1+bm5mzY9AMAAADiSURBVDjLvZXbEsMgCES5/P8/t9FuRVCRmU73JWlzosgSIIZURCjo/ad+EQJJB4Hv8BFt+IDpQoCx1wjOSBFhh2XssxEIYn3ulI/6MNReE07UIWJEv8UEOWDS88LY97kqyTliJKKtuYBbruAyVh5wOHiXmpi5we58Ek028czwyuQdLKPG1Bkb4NnM+VeAnfHqn1k4+GPT6uGQcvu2h2OVuIf/gWUFyy8OWEpdyZSa3aVCqpVoVvzZZ2VTnn2wU8qzVjDDetO90GSy9mVLqtgYSy231MxrY6I2gGqjrTY0L8fxCxfCBbhWrsYYAAAAAElFTkSuQmCC); display:block; height:44px; margin:0 auto -44px; position:relative; top:-22px; width:44px;"></div></div><p style=" margin:8px 0 0 0; padding:0 4px;"><a href="https://www.instagram.com/p/BXHZiS4FNuO/" style=" color:#000; font-family:Arial,sans-serif; font-size:14px; font-style:normal; font-weight:normal; line-height:17px; text-decoration:none; word-wrap:break-word;" target="_blank">It occurred to me - had I was standing at the traffic light, toothpick in hand, (enroute to the local Polyclinic) - that maybe my constant use of said toothpick might not only be for my torrid teeth, but also a habit for holding/us in cigarettes! Funny as I found myself holding my toothpick like I would do my cancer-sticks as I wait by the roadside LOL I might have gone cold turkey and given up smokin since the moment I woke up in hospital after surviving Stroke in 2010, but it doesn't mean I'd forgotten everything, it seems hahahahaha #henglifesg</a></p><p style=" color:#c9c8cd; font-family:Arial,sans-serif; font-size:14px; line-height:17px; margin-bottom:0; margin-top:8px; overflow:hidden; padding:8px 0 7px; text-align:center; text-overflow:ellipsis; white-space:nowrap;">A post shared by Andy Heng (@asliceofheng) on <time style=" font-family:Arial,sans-serif; font-size:14px; line-height:17px;" datetime="2017-07-29T03:36:08+00:00">Jul 28, 2017 at 8:36pm PDT</time></p></div></blockquote><script async defer src="//platform.instagram.com/en_US/embeds.js"></script></center><br />
“Identification” is a key word folks might take for granted, or for the lack of, versus “empathy” (which is a stronger emotion to attain, IMHO) which at most times “sympathy” is what folks project instead, understandably so as they might not be able to identify with the malady in the first place.<br />
<br />
Folks who care, or are interested, will attempt to bridge that, while others are simply curious, and there is nothing wrong with that … as long as survivors like myself understand that, and react accordingly.<br />
<br />
In the past, folks/adults will ask about my eye-patch (kids will just “ARRRRR!” at me hahaha), and I’ll do the “I had a Stroke”-story like as if I was selling insurance! Maybe not such a good idea, but for conversation(s) between a passenger (me) and the taxi driver stuck in a car, in a taxi-ride, yeah? LOL<br />
<br />
These days, I’d recognise that folks maybe want to ask, but not needing to hear my life-story, and me getting rid of the chip off my shoulder about trying to justify my efforts in recovery (:p) .. and it would be the simple truth: <i>Diabetes f88ked-up my eye sight!</i><br />
<br />
<center><blockquote class="instagram-media" data-instgrm-captioned data-instgrm-version="7" style=" background:#FFF; border:0; border-radius:3px; box-shadow:0 0 1px 0 rgba(0,0,0,0.5),0 1px 10px 0 rgba(0,0,0,0.15); margin: 1px; max-width:658px; padding:0; width:99.375%; width:-webkit-calc(100% - 2px); width:calc(100% - 2px);"><div style="padding:8px;"><div style=" background:#F8F8F8; line-height:0; margin-top:40px; padding:62.4537037037037% 0; text-align:center; width:100%;"><div style=" background:url(data:image/png;base64,iVBORw0KGgoAAAANSUhEUgAAACwAAAAsCAMAAAApWqozAAAABGdBTUEAALGPC/xhBQAAAAFzUkdCAK7OHOkAAAAMUExURczMzPf399fX1+bm5mzY9AMAAADiSURBVDjLvZXbEsMgCES5/P8/t9FuRVCRmU73JWlzosgSIIZURCjo/ad+EQJJB4Hv8BFt+IDpQoCx1wjOSBFhh2XssxEIYn3ulI/6MNReE07UIWJEv8UEOWDS88LY97kqyTliJKKtuYBbruAyVh5wOHiXmpi5we58Ek028czwyuQdLKPG1Bkb4NnM+VeAnfHqn1k4+GPT6uGQcvu2h2OVuIf/gWUFyy8OWEpdyZSa3aVCqpVoVvzZZ2VTnn2wU8qzVjDDetO90GSy9mVLqtgYSy231MxrY6I2gGqjrTY0L8fxCxfCBbhWrsYYAAAAAElFTkSuQmCC); display:block; height:44px; margin:0 auto -44px; position:relative; top:-22px; width:44px;"></div></div><p style=" margin:8px 0 0 0; padding:0 4px;"><a href="https://www.instagram.com/p/BXoy4G1l2AR/" style=" color:#000; font-family:Arial,sans-serif; font-size:14px; font-style:normal; font-weight:normal; line-height:17px; text-decoration:none; word-wrap:break-word;" target="_blank">I might be addicted to toys (& blogging *cough*), I am and have been but a bitch to meds and pills since surviving my Stroke ... This snap is to share wth my reunited Dunearnites - a gentle reminder for you to jargar your health, to eat your meds, so you don't have to eat too much more meds in the future, okay? I might not be a picture of health, but I am trying to be and maybe before I lie straight in a casket, I would attain the six pack of my dreams lor! LOL Funnily, my mum dreamt earlier in the week, seeing me all slim and having a mild 6-pack! Hahahahahaha #henglifesg</a></p><p style=" color:#c9c8cd; font-family:Arial,sans-serif; font-size:14px; line-height:17px; margin-bottom:0; margin-top:8px; overflow:hidden; padding:8px 0 7px; text-align:center; text-overflow:ellipsis; white-space:nowrap;">A post shared by Andy Heng (@asliceofheng) on <time style=" font-family:Arial,sans-serif; font-size:14px; line-height:17px;" datetime="2017-08-11T02:52:30+00:00">Aug 10, 2017 at 7:52pm PDT</time></p></div></blockquote><script async defer src="//platform.instagram.com/en_US/embeds.js"></script></center><br />
Nearly seven years on, since surviving Stroke, I recognise I had not kept to a regular physical regimen in keeping physically healthy / fit, but also recognise the psychological aspect, where in the beginning I had thought I was “strong” enough to last (at least for myself, while for other survivors, it more likely will be a hurdle, as much as “physicality” is/was, IMHO), but I also needed to consider the durability of said “mental strength” … and as much as I attempt to inject it with “positivity” (as this particular blogpost is suppose to somewhat, I admit), I am most times struggling with it, as I feel I am the only one “self-medicating” :p<br />
<br />
But of course I know there is my family, and close friends who keep me in check, and no, the last thing I want is “public sympathy” ~ OMG hahahahaha<br />
<br />
What can I/we do now but to eat well, exercise and stay healthy. Stay supportive of folks around us and for folks recovering from Stroke, offer a listening non-judgemental ear if you can. Some might solicit sympathy, although some do not welcome it, but judge not what “they could have / should have done”, but instead focus on how to push on forward with their lives, IMHO.<br />
<br />
The “past” is good for a blogpost and such, and might even be legit “fuel” to keep your “future” going, but don’t let yourself/them keep “living” in the past :)<br />
<br />
Cheers<br />
Andy<br />
11/8/2017TOYSREVILhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03872736377423548421noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2824210430419585227.post-89483795324459010652016-10-12T09:21:00.001+08:002017-06-25T00:10:55.522+08:00My Stroke-Stories Inked for #Inktober<center><blockquote class="instagram-media" data-instgrm-captioned data-instgrm-version="7" style=" background:#FFF; border:0; border-radius:3px; box-shadow:0 0 1px 0 rgba(0,0,0,0.5),0 1px 10px 0 rgba(0,0,0,0.15); margin: 1px; max-width:658px; padding:0; width:99.375%; width:-webkit-calc(100% - 2px); width:calc(100% - 2px);"><div style="padding:8px;"><div style=" background:#F8F8F8; line-height:0; margin-top:40px; padding:50.0% 0; text-align:center; width:100%;"><div style=" background:url(data:image/png;base64,iVBORw0KGgoAAAANSUhEUgAAACwAAAAsCAMAAAApWqozAAAABGdBTUEAALGPC/xhBQAAAAFzUkdCAK7OHOkAAAAMUExURczMzPf399fX1+bm5mzY9AMAAADiSURBVDjLvZXbEsMgCES5/P8/t9FuRVCRmU73JWlzosgSIIZURCjo/ad+EQJJB4Hv8BFt+IDpQoCx1wjOSBFhh2XssxEIYn3ulI/6MNReE07UIWJEv8UEOWDS88LY97kqyTliJKKtuYBbruAyVh5wOHiXmpi5we58Ek028czwyuQdLKPG1Bkb4NnM+VeAnfHqn1k4+GPT6uGQcvu2h2OVuIf/gWUFyy8OWEpdyZSa3aVCqpVoVvzZZ2VTnn2wU8qzVjDDetO90GSy9mVLqtgYSy231MxrY6I2gGqjrTY0L8fxCxfCBbhWrsYYAAAAAElFTkSuQmCC); display:block; height:44px; margin:0 auto -44px; position:relative; top:-22px; width:44px;"></div></div><p style=" margin:8px 0 0 0; padding:0 4px;"><a href="https://www.instagram.com/p/BLbl4l4hoPY/" style=" color:#000; font-family:Arial,sans-serif; font-size:14px; font-style:normal; font-weight:normal; line-height:17px; text-decoration:none; word-wrap:break-word;" target="_blank">My main mode of transportation for the first few months after surviving Stroke, was the wheelchair. For at least 4-6 months (I am not 100% certain of the timeline) I moved around sat being pushed - from the 2 months in Changi General to outside at home ... I even visited the 2010 Singapore toycon in a wheelchair, viewing the world in a different eyeline, a different POV hahahaha! Funny thing tho, for a few good months, twice a week, I'd wait at the side of the road down my flat (along with my late Dad), to flag taxis to bring us to my rehab sessions, but only ever ONCE did someone actually let me have the cab, while everyone else who walked out and stood in front of me (further down the road) just went and grabbed the cabs, Even though they saw a dude in wheelchair (they are not THAT far up the roadside hahahaha). So much for "humanity" on the east side of Singapore, yeah? LOL #inktober Day 11 prompt: "Transport". #inktober2016 #hengdraw #toysrevilart</a></p><p style=" color:#c9c8cd; font-family:Arial,sans-serif; font-size:14px; line-height:17px; margin-bottom:0; margin-top:8px; overflow:hidden; padding:8px 0 7px; text-align:center; text-overflow:ellipsis; white-space:nowrap;">A photo posted by TOYSREVIL (@toysrevil) on <time style=" font-family:Arial,sans-serif; font-size:14px; line-height:17px;" datetime="2016-10-11T17:32:07+00:00">Oct 11, 2016 at 10:32am PDT</time></p></div></blockquote><script async defer src="//platform.instagram.com/en_US/embeds.js"></script></center><br />
I’ve been sharing a few personal stories through my <a href="http://toysrevilart.blogspot.sg/search/label/Inktober2016" target="_blank"><u>Inktober</u></a>-sketches*, with a select few regaling my post-Stroke tales. I’ve been thinking of drawing out my “Stroke-story” for years now, but have yet to find the right style or voice … this is just an experiment/start, of hopefully something that I’d like to be doing “soon”…<br />
<br />
The images here are of the first 11 Days, and here’s quite a few more days to go before the month of October ends! haha<br />
<br />
<center><blockquote class="instagram-media" data-instgrm-captioned data-instgrm-version="7" style=" background:#FFF; border:0; border-radius:3px; box-shadow:0 0 1px 0 rgba(0,0,0,0.5),0 1px 10px 0 rgba(0,0,0,0.15); margin: 1px; max-width:658px; padding:0; width:99.375%; width:-webkit-calc(100% - 2px); width:calc(100% - 2px);"><div style="padding:8px;"><div style=" background:#F8F8F8; line-height:0; margin-top:40px; padding:50.0% 0; text-align:center; width:100%;"><div style=" background:url(data:image/png;base64,iVBORw0KGgoAAAANSUhEUgAAACwAAAAsCAMAAAApWqozAAAABGdBTUEAALGPC/xhBQAAAAFzUkdCAK7OHOkAAAAMUExURczMzPf399fX1+bm5mzY9AMAAADiSURBVDjLvZXbEsMgCES5/P8/t9FuRVCRmU73JWlzosgSIIZURCjo/ad+EQJJB4Hv8BFt+IDpQoCx1wjOSBFhh2XssxEIYn3ulI/6MNReE07UIWJEv8UEOWDS88LY97kqyTliJKKtuYBbruAyVh5wOHiXmpi5we58Ek028czwyuQdLKPG1Bkb4NnM+VeAnfHqn1k4+GPT6uGQcvu2h2OVuIf/gWUFyy8OWEpdyZSa3aVCqpVoVvzZZ2VTnn2wU8qzVjDDetO90GSy9mVLqtgYSy231MxrY6I2gGqjrTY0L8fxCxfCBbhWrsYYAAAAAElFTkSuQmCC); display:block; height:44px; margin:0 auto -44px; position:relative; top:-22px; width:44px;"></div></div><p style=" margin:8px 0 0 0; padding:0 4px;"><a href="https://www.instagram.com/p/BLbYyd6hcv6/" style=" color:#000; font-family:Arial,sans-serif; font-size:14px; font-style:normal; font-weight:normal; line-height:17px; text-decoration:none; word-wrap:break-word;" target="_blank">One of the main hurdles I'd faced attempting to regain my mobility post-Stroke, was "balance", where standing on one leg, was ever the challenge that took harder to conquer than "walking". In the beginning I could not even last 2 seconds without falling ... Which was tricky whenever I needed to step over a hump... Learning to not shuffle and lifting my legs to take my steps, is still a constant effort, 5 odd years after :p I have not taken to "run" but more manic fast-walking hahah but I have not ever "jumped" since Stroke. #Inktober Day 10 prompt theme is "JUMP", and I will always be reminded of my lack of physical ability, but it's okay, at least I can stand on one leg for longer time s now :) #inktober2016 #drawlife #hengdraw #toysrevilart</a></p><p style=" color:#c9c8cd; font-family:Arial,sans-serif; font-size:14px; line-height:17px; margin-bottom:0; margin-top:8px; overflow:hidden; padding:8px 0 7px; text-align:center; text-overflow:ellipsis; white-space:nowrap;">A photo posted by TOYSREVIL (@toysrevil) on <time style=" font-family:Arial,sans-serif; font-size:14px; line-height:17px;" datetime="2016-10-11T15:37:41+00:00">Oct 11, 2016 at 8:37am PDT</time></p></div></blockquote><script async defer src="//platform.instagram.com/en_US/embeds.js"></script><br />
<br />
<blockquote class="instagram-media" data-instgrm-captioned data-instgrm-version="7" style=" background:#FFF; border:0; border-radius:3px; box-shadow:0 0 1px 0 rgba(0,0,0,0.5),0 1px 10px 0 rgba(0,0,0,0.15); margin: 1px; max-width:658px; padding:0; width:99.375%; width:-webkit-calc(100% - 2px); width:calc(100% - 2px);"><div style="padding:8px;"><div style=" background:#F8F8F8; line-height:0; margin-top:40px; padding:50.0% 0; text-align:center; width:100%;"><div style=" background:url(data:image/png;base64,iVBORw0KGgoAAAANSUhEUgAAACwAAAAsCAMAAAApWqozAAAABGdBTUEAALGPC/xhBQAAAAFzUkdCAK7OHOkAAAAMUExURczMzPf399fX1+bm5mzY9AMAAADiSURBVDjLvZXbEsMgCES5/P8/t9FuRVCRmU73JWlzosgSIIZURCjo/ad+EQJJB4Hv8BFt+IDpQoCx1wjOSBFhh2XssxEIYn3ulI/6MNReE07UIWJEv8UEOWDS88LY97kqyTliJKKtuYBbruAyVh5wOHiXmpi5we58Ek028czwyuQdLKPG1Bkb4NnM+VeAnfHqn1k4+GPT6uGQcvu2h2OVuIf/gWUFyy8OWEpdyZSa3aVCqpVoVvzZZ2VTnn2wU8qzVjDDetO90GSy9mVLqtgYSy231MxrY6I2gGqjrTY0L8fxCxfCBbhWrsYYAAAAAElFTkSuQmCC); display:block; height:44px; margin:0 auto -44px; position:relative; top:-22px; width:44px;"></div></div><p style=" margin:8px 0 0 0; padding:0 4px;"><a href="https://www.instagram.com/p/BLWBRFCBC-o/" style=" color:#000; font-family:Arial,sans-serif; font-size:14px; font-style:normal; font-weight:normal; line-height:17px; text-decoration:none; word-wrap:break-word;" target="_blank">Even before getting Stroke in 2010, I'd thought I was "broken". In the sense that as a grownassadult, I was still not the typical successful male Singaporean, with a stable job, with m own family Wife and kids, dressed in long pants (sometimes with tie, sometimes not) ... When instead I was "living large" working ungodly hours in the local media, ignoring m family and living selfishly like a kidult! The "normality machine" broke down somewhen for my reality hahaha THEN I had Stroke! And now I was "physically" broken too! I mustered enough to get myself in my feet walking again, but has since slide into get fatter than I have ever been, AND end up wearing Crocs (which I used to HATE, but they cover my toes from knocking into stuff, so...), and I realise I am still wearing "film crew"-clothes like years before! Still prefer Bermudas and tees (always black becoz I lie to myself it is "slimming"), and still feeling "not quite right" ... And no, it is not about "being special" - just don't want to become "special needs", ya know? But LIFE still goes on, and I can still doodle a bit here and there .... Also one thing that's NOT broken, is my lack of drawing skills! Still sucks after all these years, dammit! Hahahaha This is my #inktober2016 Day 9 prompt: "Broken" :) #henglife #hengdraw #toysrevilart #inktober</a></p><p style=" color:#c9c8cd; font-family:Arial,sans-serif; font-size:14px; line-height:17px; margin-bottom:0; margin-top:8px; overflow:hidden; padding:8px 0 7px; text-align:center; text-overflow:ellipsis; white-space:nowrap;">A photo posted by TOYSREVIL (@toysrevil) on <time style=" font-family:Arial,sans-serif; font-size:14px; line-height:17px;" datetime="2016-10-09T13:35:57+00:00">Oct 9, 2016 at 6:35am PDT</time></p></div></blockquote><script async defer src="//platform.instagram.com/en_US/embeds.js"></script><br />
<br />
<blockquote class="instagram-media" data-instgrm-captioned data-instgrm-version="7" style=" background:#FFF; border:0; border-radius:3px; box-shadow:0 0 1px 0 rgba(0,0,0,0.5),0 1px 10px 0 rgba(0,0,0,0.15); margin: 1px; max-width:658px; padding:0; width:99.375%; width:-webkit-calc(100% - 2px); width:calc(100% - 2px);"><div style="padding:8px;"><div style=" background:#F8F8F8; line-height:0; margin-top:40px; padding:38.8888888889% 0; text-align:center; width:100%;"><div style=" background:url(data:image/png;base64,iVBORw0KGgoAAAANSUhEUgAAACwAAAAsCAMAAAApWqozAAAABGdBTUEAALGPC/xhBQAAAAFzUkdCAK7OHOkAAAAMUExURczMzPf399fX1+bm5mzY9AMAAADiSURBVDjLvZXbEsMgCES5/P8/t9FuRVCRmU73JWlzosgSIIZURCjo/ad+EQJJB4Hv8BFt+IDpQoCx1wjOSBFhh2XssxEIYn3ulI/6MNReE07UIWJEv8UEOWDS88LY97kqyTliJKKtuYBbruAyVh5wOHiXmpi5we58Ek028czwyuQdLKPG1Bkb4NnM+VeAnfHqn1k4+GPT6uGQcvu2h2OVuIf/gWUFyy8OWEpdyZSa3aVCqpVoVvzZZ2VTnn2wU8qzVjDDetO90GSy9mVLqtgYSy231MxrY6I2gGqjrTY0L8fxCxfCBbhWrsYYAAAAAElFTkSuQmCC); display:block; height:44px; margin:0 auto -44px; position:relative; top:-22px; width:44px;"></div></div><p style=" margin:8px 0 0 0; padding:0 4px;"><a href="https://www.instagram.com/p/BLN4pPaBYIo/" style=" color:#000; font-family:Arial,sans-serif; font-size:14px; font-style:normal; font-weight:normal; line-height:17px; text-decoration:none; word-wrap:break-word;" target="_blank">My #inktober2016 sketch for Day 5, with the prompt theme being "SAD". "Sad" because, the fact was, when I was recovering in the hospital for Stroke back in 2010, I also had at the same time, dental problems! But due to me taking blood-thinner medication, I could not visit the Dentist. And here I laid in hospital, with half my body paralysed AND a massive toothache, which eventually led to my teeth growing out of place, to my current state of mangled teeth that I not longer smile with an open mouth for pictures. The big GAP in the drawing is for when I go take my middle bottom tooth out (This week perhaps)... Not only am I physically altered due to Stroke, now my teeth are failing me! I have made do with my eye-patch and getting fat as a hog, but my teeth? Don't be expecting me to greet the world at large too often when I pull out that damn shaking tooth... "Sad", right? #truestorybro #inktober #hengdraw #toysrevilart</a></p><p style=" color:#c9c8cd; font-family:Arial,sans-serif; font-size:14px; line-height:17px; margin-bottom:0; margin-top:8px; overflow:hidden; padding:8px 0 7px; text-align:center; text-overflow:ellipsis; white-space:nowrap;">A photo posted by TOYSREVIL (@toysrevil) on <time style=" font-family:Arial,sans-serif; font-size:14px; line-height:17px;" datetime="2016-10-06T09:46:40+00:00">Oct 6, 2016 at 2:46am PDT</time></p></div></blockquote><script async defer src="//platform.instagram.com/en_US/embeds.js"></script><br />
<blockquote class="instagram-media" data-instgrm-captioned data-instgrm-version="7" style=" background:#FFF; border:0; border-radius:3px; box-shadow:0 0 1px 0 rgba(0,0,0,0.5),0 1px 10px 0 rgba(0,0,0,0.15); margin: 1px; max-width:658px; padding:0; width:99.375%; width:-webkit-calc(100% - 2px); width:calc(100% - 2px);"><div style="padding:8px;"><div style=" background:#F8F8F8; line-height:0; margin-top:40px; padding:50.0% 0; text-align:center; width:100%;"><div style=" background:url(data:image/png;base64,iVBORw0KGgoAAAANSUhEUgAAACwAAAAsCAMAAAApWqozAAAABGdBTUEAALGPC/xhBQAAAAFzUkdCAK7OHOkAAAAMUExURczMzPf399fX1+bm5mzY9AMAAADiSURBVDjLvZXbEsMgCES5/P8/t9FuRVCRmU73JWlzosgSIIZURCjo/ad+EQJJB4Hv8BFt+IDpQoCx1wjOSBFhh2XssxEIYn3ulI/6MNReE07UIWJEv8UEOWDS88LY97kqyTliJKKtuYBbruAyVh5wOHiXmpi5we58Ek028czwyuQdLKPG1Bkb4NnM+VeAnfHqn1k4+GPT6uGQcvu2h2OVuIf/gWUFyy8OWEpdyZSa3aVCqpVoVvzZZ2VTnn2wU8qzVjDDetO90GSy9mVLqtgYSy231MxrY6I2gGqjrTY0L8fxCxfCBbhWrsYYAAAAAElFTkSuQmCC); display:block; height:44px; margin:0 auto -44px; position:relative; top:-22px; width:44px;"></div></div><p style=" margin:8px 0 0 0; padding:0 4px;"><a href="https://www.instagram.com/p/BLjdBgLBUU7/" style=" color:#000; font-family:Arial,sans-serif; font-size:14px; font-style:normal; font-weight:normal; line-height:17px; text-decoration:none; word-wrap:break-word;" target="_blank">Some folks are "scared" of being in the dark, scared of spiders, scared of being alone, scared of dying ... But the most thing I am scared of, especially after surviving Stroke (in 2010), is having a "headache". And not just any headache - but a headache from the back of my head. Because that is just one of the symptoms leading to possible Stroke, where the blood vessel situated at the back of your noggin' is having problems carrying blood up to your brains, it's either clogged (my type of Stroke) or the vessel bursts and you get pretty f**ked up afters. I experienced a severe headache prior to falling to Stroke, and even 5-6 years later, whenever I have a headache (at the back, everywhere else I'm not worried much), I'd be scared for my life, no b.s. These days I try not to take Panadol for the headaches too, as I'd rather know the pain exists, rather than be oblivious to what my body is trying to tell me otherwise. This is Day 13 of #inktober2016 with the prompt being "SCARED". #inktober #hengdraw #roysrevilart</a></p><p style=" color:#c9c8cd; font-family:Arial,sans-serif; font-size:14px; line-height:17px; margin-bottom:0; margin-top:8px; overflow:hidden; padding:8px 0 7px; text-align:center; text-overflow:ellipsis; white-space:nowrap;">A post shared by TOYSREVIL (@toysrevil) on <time style=" font-family:Arial,sans-serif; font-size:14px; line-height:17px;" datetime="2016-10-14T18:48:37+00:00">Oct 14, 2016 at 11:48am PDT</time></p></div></blockquote><script async defer src="//platform.instagram.com/en_US/embeds.js"></script><br />
<blockquote class="instagram-media" data-instgrm-captioned data-instgrm-version="7" style=" background:#FFF; border:0; border-radius:3px; box-shadow:0 0 1px 0 rgba(0,0,0,0.5),0 1px 10px 0 rgba(0,0,0,0.15); margin: 1px; max-width:658px; padding:0; width:99.375%; width:-webkit-calc(100% - 2px); width:calc(100% - 2px);"><div style="padding:8px;"><div style=" background:#F8F8F8; line-height:0; margin-top:40px; padding:39.02777777777778% 0; text-align:center; width:100%;"><div style=" background:url(data:image/png;base64,iVBORw0KGgoAAAANSUhEUgAAACwAAAAsCAMAAAApWqozAAAABGdBTUEAALGPC/xhBQAAAAFzUkdCAK7OHOkAAAAMUExURczMzPf399fX1+bm5mzY9AMAAADiSURBVDjLvZXbEsMgCES5/P8/t9FuRVCRmU73JWlzosgSIIZURCjo/ad+EQJJB4Hv8BFt+IDpQoCx1wjOSBFhh2XssxEIYn3ulI/6MNReE07UIWJEv8UEOWDS88LY97kqyTliJKKtuYBbruAyVh5wOHiXmpi5we58Ek028czwyuQdLKPG1Bkb4NnM+VeAnfHqn1k4+GPT6uGQcvu2h2OVuIf/gWUFyy8OWEpdyZSa3aVCqpVoVvzZZ2VTnn2wU8qzVjDDetO90GSy9mVLqtgYSy231MxrY6I2gGqjrTY0L8fxCxfCBbhWrsYYAAAAAElFTkSuQmCC); display:block; height:44px; margin:0 auto -44px; position:relative; top:-22px; width:44px;"></div></div><p style=" margin:8px 0 0 0; padding:0 4px;"><a href="https://www.instagram.com/p/BLlDWiXBHXS/" style=" color:#000; font-family:Arial,sans-serif; font-size:14px; font-style:normal; font-weight:normal; line-height:17px; text-decoration:none; word-wrap:break-word;" target="_blank">The roots I've grown are tied in to my own immediate self and family, and continues to grow as the days go by, moreso than it had pre-Stroke, when "growing roots" meant "achieving in my own career" rather than notions of family or even friends, self centered that I had been... And now I wonder If I've become a tree worthy to shelter my own love ones, with my leaves of abundance, or even grown strong enough branches to strap a swing around myself to let my own offspring play on, and depend on...? I honestly do not think I am, or have, for I am just a sapling trying to grow, and not let myself wither on more than I had, as the days go by... And this is one reality I cannot blame on my Stroke :( My #inktober Day 14 prompt theme "TREE". #hengdraw #toysrevilart #inktober2016</a></p><p style=" color:#c9c8cd; font-family:Arial,sans-serif; font-size:14px; line-height:17px; margin-bottom:0; margin-top:8px; overflow:hidden; padding:8px 0 7px; text-align:center; text-overflow:ellipsis; white-space:nowrap;">A post shared by TOYSREVIL (@toysrevil) on <time style=" font-family:Arial,sans-serif; font-size:14px; line-height:17px;" datetime="2016-10-15T09:42:46+00:00">Oct 15, 2016 at 2:42am PDT</time></p></div></blockquote><script async defer src="//platform.instagram.com/en_US/embeds.js"></script><br />
<blockquote class="instagram-media" data-instgrm-captioned data-instgrm-version="7" style=" background:#FFF; border:0; border-radius:3px; box-shadow:0 0 1px 0 rgba(0,0,0,0.5),0 1px 10px 0 rgba(0,0,0,0.15); margin: 1px; max-width:658px; padding:0; width:99.375%; width:-webkit-calc(100% - 2px); width:calc(100% - 2px);"><div style="padding:8px;"><div style=" background:#F8F8F8; line-height:0; margin-top:40px; padding:50.0% 0; text-align:center; width:100%;"><div style=" background:url(data:image/png;base64,iVBORw0KGgoAAAANSUhEUgAAACwAAAAsCAMAAAApWqozAAAABGdBTUEAALGPC/xhBQAAAAFzUkdCAK7OHOkAAAAMUExURczMzPf399fX1+bm5mzY9AMAAADiSURBVDjLvZXbEsMgCES5/P8/t9FuRVCRmU73JWlzosgSIIZURCjo/ad+EQJJB4Hv8BFt+IDpQoCx1wjOSBFhh2XssxEIYn3ulI/6MNReE07UIWJEv8UEOWDS88LY97kqyTliJKKtuYBbruAyVh5wOHiXmpi5we58Ek028czwyuQdLKPG1Bkb4NnM+VeAnfHqn1k4+GPT6uGQcvu2h2OVuIf/gWUFyy8OWEpdyZSa3aVCqpVoVvzZZ2VTnn2wU8qzVjDDetO90GSy9mVLqtgYSy231MxrY6I2gGqjrTY0L8fxCxfCBbhWrsYYAAAAAElFTkSuQmCC); display:block; height:44px; margin:0 auto -44px; position:relative; top:-22px; width:44px;"></div></div><p style=" margin:8px 0 0 0; padding:0 4px;"><a href="https://www.instagram.com/p/BLl1gw3hL0F/" style=" color:#000; font-family:Arial,sans-serif; font-size:14px; font-style:normal; font-weight:normal; line-height:17px; text-decoration:none; word-wrap:break-word;" target="_blank">I really struggled to come up for something for #inktober Day 15's prompt: "RELAX", and had wanted to depict myself in my fav "relaxed" moment, and realising i do not have many! I Guess I've always been uptight. And being a workaholic also meant I did not know what to do when it is time to "relax", or when I go on a holiday. The closest I remembered was being in Bandung in 2009 actually, and even then my mind was in constant movement. One would imagine being in SLEEP to be relaxing, but that has hardly been the case for some time now, as every night I am filled with frenzied dreams - sometimes good, not as often bad, but always in a "hurry", and near always am doing stuff and getting tired doing them - like mountain trekking, for the entire dream! Anyways, I wouldn't know how to relax in the waking world anyways ... Sometimes I might feel a glimmer of it, but it is always fleeting ... And here I stand, back turned towards everybody else, tryin my hardest to "relax" and then turn around to greet the world with a smile and a semblance of "positivity"! ... but in the end, all everyone else sees is still just my back! Hahaha #hengdraw #toysrevilart #inktober2016</a></p><p style=" color:#c9c8cd; font-family:Arial,sans-serif; font-size:14px; line-height:17px; margin-bottom:0; margin-top:8px; overflow:hidden; padding:8px 0 7px; text-align:center; text-overflow:ellipsis; white-space:nowrap;">A post shared by TOYSREVIL (@toysrevil) on <time style=" font-family:Arial,sans-serif; font-size:14px; line-height:17px;" datetime="2016-10-15T17:01:04+00:00">Oct 15, 2016 at 10:01am PDT</time></p></div></blockquote><script async defer src="//platform.instagram.com/en_US/embeds.js"></script><br />
<blockquote class="instagram-media" data-instgrm-captioned data-instgrm-version="7" style=" background:#FFF; border:0; border-radius:3px; box-shadow:0 0 1px 0 rgba(0,0,0,0.5),0 1px 10px 0 rgba(0,0,0,0.15); margin: 1px; max-width:658px; padding:0; width:99.375%; width:-webkit-calc(100% - 2px); width:calc(100% - 2px);"><div style="padding:8px;"><div style=" background:#F8F8F8; line-height:0; margin-top:40px; padding:50.0% 0; text-align:center; width:100%;"><div style=" background:url(data:image/png;base64,iVBORw0KGgoAAAANSUhEUgAAACwAAAAsCAMAAAApWqozAAAABGdBTUEAALGPC/xhBQAAAAFzUkdCAK7OHOkAAAAMUExURczMzPf399fX1+bm5mzY9AMAAADiSURBVDjLvZXbEsMgCES5/P8/t9FuRVCRmU73JWlzosgSIIZURCjo/ad+EQJJB4Hv8BFt+IDpQoCx1wjOSBFhh2XssxEIYn3ulI/6MNReE07UIWJEv8UEOWDS88LY97kqyTliJKKtuYBbruAyVh5wOHiXmpi5we58Ek028czwyuQdLKPG1Bkb4NnM+VeAnfHqn1k4+GPT6uGQcvu2h2OVuIf/gWUFyy8OWEpdyZSa3aVCqpVoVvzZZ2VTnn2wU8qzVjDDetO90GSy9mVLqtgYSy231MxrY6I2gGqjrTY0L8fxCxfCBbhWrsYYAAAAAElFTkSuQmCC); display:block; height:44px; margin:0 auto -44px; position:relative; top:-22px; width:44px;"></div></div><p style=" margin:8px 0 0 0; padding:0 4px;"><a href="https://www.instagram.com/p/BMJvGARh1RR/" style=" color:#000; font-family:Arial,sans-serif; font-size:14px; font-style:normal; font-weight:normal; line-height:17px; text-decoration:none; word-wrap:break-word;" target="_blank">It really should not have come a a surprise the ice cappuccino spilt when it did, as the glass slowly toppled on one side, and all I could do was watch it happen, as I stood exhausted waiting just to sit down, have a drink and a cake, and gain back some semblance of energy - since list to a torrid' sleeping problem in the morning, stressed from the sweat and being in a crowd (which I thought had been better by now), and whatever f**kedup reason I have become too tired to bother with... Thinking back, I was less embarrassed by the spillage on my feet and shoes, but more pissed I couldn't drink my beverage! Hahaha too tired to care otherwise ... On the way home, te taxi Uncle asked me; "you just now drink coffee ah?" And said he could smell it strongly, an I told him I spilt the drink ... And it was ten when I felt truly embarrassed and saddened hahahaha ... 6 years on, since leaving the hospital, I really should not be surprised by the lack of my physical abilities ... Now have to throw bag away too :p #inktober2016 Day 29 prompt "Surprise". #hengdraw #toysrevilart #inktober</a></p><p style=" color:#c9c8cd; font-family:Arial,sans-serif; font-size:14px; line-height:17px; margin-bottom:0; margin-top:8px; overflow:hidden; padding:8px 0 7px; text-align:center; text-overflow:ellipsis; white-space:nowrap;">A post shared by TOYSREVIL (@toysrevil) on <time style=" font-family:Arial,sans-serif; font-size:14px; line-height:17px;" datetime="2016-10-29T15:37:39+00:00">Oct 29, 2016 at 8:37am PDT</time></p></div></blockquote><script async defer src="//platform.instagram.com/en_US/embeds.js"></script></center><br />
<i>*<b>Inktober</b> is a drawing “challenge” where you draw a single drawing for every day in the month of October, and post it online in Instagram.</i>TOYSREVILhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03872736377423548421noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2824210430419585227.post-27524184768739876252016-01-05T21:28:00.003+08:002016-01-05T21:30:16.263+08:00Blame Game<center><div id="fb-root"></div><script>(function(d, s, id) { var js, fjs = d.getElementsByTagName(s)[0]; if (d.getElementById(id)) return; js = d.createElement(s); js.id = id; js.src = "//connect.facebook.net/en_US/sdk.js#xfbml=1&version=v2.3"; fjs.parentNode.insertBefore(js, fjs);}(document, 'script', 'facebook-jssdk'));</script><div class="fb-video" data-allowfullscreen="1" data-href="/Upworthy/videos/vb.354522044588660/1152248224816034/?type=3"><div class="fb-xfbml-parse-ignore"><blockquote cite="https://www.facebook.com/Upworthy/videos/1152248224816034/"><a href="https://www.facebook.com/Upworthy/videos/1152248224816034/"></a><p>When we blame, we miss our opportunity to experience empathy. Brené Brown breaks it down in this video from The RSA.</p>Posted by <a href="https://www.facebook.com/Upworthy/">Upworthy</a> on Tuesday, December 22, 2015</blockquote></div></div></center><br />
Since my Stroke, I had endeavored not to blame anyone, remembering as I laid in the hospital acute stroke ward, looking up at the ceiling fan, a sight I had seen for a few days now, and thinking "WHO" I could blame for this malady I was in? I couldn't blame "God" for my misfortune, as I'd hardly believed or acted I'd believe in one single god - whomever he or she was ...<br />
<br />
And one day, a few years after I'd regained a portion of my ability to walk, and had taken a taxi ride back home, when, while regaling my Stroke story to the driver, when he told me who it was who was to blame for my malady; "ME". And that made the most sense, to me anyways :)<br />
<br />
What happens to us, is in our hands. "Stroke" is a man-made phenomena, and WE made it happen to OURSELVES, didn't we? At some point, post-Stroke, we stop playing the blame game, and make it good back for ourselves, and move forward with whatever our lives are able to .. but before that happnes, treat yourselves and your bodies well, yeh? :)<br />
<br />
AndyTOYSREVILhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03872736377423548421noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2824210430419585227.post-35669587021232925902014-10-21T00:00:00.000+08:002014-10-21T00:00:01.714+08:005 Years Post-Stroke: A Memory of Wiggling Toes<center><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg7rGByk0nEUndaFKxrcvMmAURWt5dtVZaAmPOR9Ehv0Z1C-cjlyXtaYvmSb5u6brr08vhWVvZVKj361X2Ed-QyyRTkqX020Ys3nZHs6w0i7DJL6wxSzvPp1j5Nf5gWPpQfbZ8ocIB6wc-v/s1600/Pussy-Wagon.jpg" imageanchor="1" ><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg7rGByk0nEUndaFKxrcvMmAURWt5dtVZaAmPOR9Ehv0Z1C-cjlyXtaYvmSb5u6brr08vhWVvZVKj361X2Ed-QyyRTkqX020Ys3nZHs6w0i7DJL6wxSzvPp1j5Nf5gWPpQfbZ8ocIB6wc-v/s640/Pussy-Wagon.jpg" /></a></center><br />
I've never mentioned this to anyone - not because of any particular "secrecy" reasons except that the reference might fly over folks' head - ESPECIALLY for people have not specifically seen Quentin Tarantino's KILL BILL Vol:1! Having said that, there is a specific sequence which sort of guided / helped me thru the early days of my Stroke!<br />
<br />
There is a particular scene, where "The Bride" AKA Beatrix woke up from her coma (while being raped on her hospital bed, while comatose), where after she killed the perp(s), and she managed to crawl her way to a wheelchair, and to the carpark, and finally found the "Pussy Wagon", and climbed into the backseat. The next scene however, is the specific scene I am referring to.<br />
<br />
<center><iframe width="500" height="375" src="//www.youtube.com/embed/ScpCCvrfm4M?rel=0" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe></center><br />
There Beatrix sat, her eyes fixed on her stiffened feet, and she repeatedly said to herself; "Wiggle Your Big Toe". THIS was the exact mantra I repeated to myself in my head, in the early days when I was lying in hospital bed in Changi Hospital Acute Stroke ward, when my right leg (from my entire right side of the body) could not move. <br />
<br />
I stared at my right feet days on end, trying to wiggle my feet. Desperate but insistent and sincerely hopeful that, by sheer will alone, I could begin to move my feet, and then eventually the leg, and subsequently regain my mobility, and thusly "independence".<br />
<br />
The notion of "Independence" is a strong desire that needed to be addressed, be it in the minds of older folks (who do not want to be a burden to others) and younger-ish folks (who do not want to loose the ability to chart their own futures, or "be able to walk towards it", so to speak), IMHO.<br />
<br />
I cannot be sure if that "wishful hope" was sufficient (and from the amount of parodies and spoofs seen on youtube, seems folks think it sufficiently "funny"), but I had also gone thru over a month of intense rehabilitation at the hospital (and subsequently at St. Andrew's Community Hospital), until the day I left to go home sat in a wheelchair, but could still stand and shuffle my legs, for a short period of time.<br />
<br />
No regrets at all, and I am in fact thankful for the image in my head, to give me a semblance of - even if it is a pop-culture fueled - "hope", that I would be able to walk again LOL<br />
<br />
This image posted above is illustrated by French comicbook artist <a href="https://www.facebook.com/nicolas.bannister/about" target="_blank"><b>Nicolas Bannister</b></a>, and whenever the scene appears, will always remind me of the time when I tried to wiggle my toes :)<br />
<br />
Today, October 21st, 2015, marks the fifth year I have survived Stroke.<br />
And yes, I can now wiggle all my "little piggies" :)<br />
<br />
Cheers and thank you for reading :)<br />
Andy<br />
<br />
<center><iframe width="500" height="281" src="//www.youtube.com/embed/vHl24Kjp5Vs?rel=0" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe></center>TOYSREVILhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03872736377423548421noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2824210430419585227.post-14160019815246222922013-07-22T22:15:00.000+08:002013-07-23T12:09:40.659+08:00Acupuncture & Me<center><iframe width="500" height="375" src="//www.youtube.com/embed/I3DVN7XMiQk?rel=0" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe></center><br />
I've had the pleasure of receiving three different types of "<b>acupuncture</b>" experiences since my Stroke back in October 2010. Each of them with "slight" variations and/or differences, except for the universal notion that fine needles are embedded into my body and face.<br />
<br />
One particular "myth" to dispel, is that there are multiple needles poked into your skin, ala "Pinhead" in "Hellraiser", and in that television commercial up top. This was my first impression of the deed, and I brought that notion to my first session too freakedout out of my brains hahaha<br />
<br />
But then again, maybe tis just that my 'needs' might not require so much needles, so I dare not say this is "legit" or not :p<br />
<br />
Since the on-set of receiving acupuncture, the specific intention was to seek treatment to combat the <a href="http://stroke41.blogspot.sg/2011/03/seeing-double.html" target="_blank"><u>issue of my eye-sight</u></a>. Post-Stroke has left me with double vision, so much so sometimes I eye-patch one eye, so the other can see literally just ONE vision - but that was not always the case.<br />
<br />
My first experience with acupuncture, was in Changi General Hospital itself - where I was warded across the street, in St. Andrew Community Hospital. Within the CGH complex itself, was a "Traditional Chinese Medicine" ("TCM") Clinic, and every week I would have an appointment at the clinic, all on record with SACH. <br />
<br />
Tis is an option open to folks, and I appreciated that option, as most medically educated practitioners from both East and West tend to differ on opinions. But in this instance, there was no prescriptive TCM medication to swallow, so acupuncture it was.<br />
<br />
The sensation was not at all what I had expected, nor "feared". Different parts of my body was embedded with needles, and electricity (clipped at the ends of the needles) coursed thru my body, in a mild state. (The electrical discharge is another difference to different folks receiving treatment).<br />
<br />
I truly do not know if any difference was to be had with this, as I was already busting my ass off in rehabilitation. My eye-sight remained still in anguish, but then again, everyone says TCM takes a longer time to "react"…<br />
<br />
Basically a month in, and I discharged from SACH on Christmas Eve, 2010.<br />
<br />
Not too long later, I was recommended to another sinseh based in Tanjong Katong Complex. Now this was a whole new other experience!<br />
<br />
This particular practice, practiced the notion of "pain".<br />
<br />
Essentially, the needles are stuck in, where activation of electricity coursing thru is would be more "effective" in inducing the desired effect, if you feel "pain". So in this instance, if the needles are stuck "right", I would be in a whole lot of pain, and indeed I was constantly grimacing and gritting my teeth from resulting in screaming like a wee kid.<br />
<br />
I remember fondly that the old sinseh would poke a needle in in certain parts of the body, and wiggle said needle as it sent inner jolts up and down the needles vicinity. The "pain" meant the needle was stuck in the desired spot.<br />
<br />
Now imagine electricity coursing thru it. And at a higher charge than I was used to at CGH previously. Fun times.<br />
<br />
Know that the level of electrical discharged can be altered by twisting a knob, or keyed-in button. Some people might need only a small pulse, which others more "enthusiastic" can opt for a higher charge, not unlike the cackling of lightning from Frankenstein movies … okay, maybe that was an exaggeration :p<br />
<br />
But to me, the experience had been fruitful. Twice a week I endured this experience, for a few months (I could not remember how long), and my eye-sight got significantly better, to what i jokingly term "HD Vision" - with that particular day with the sun blaring down on my left palm, and me being able to see the grooves in the skin's folds.<br />
<br />
I stopped going to this practice at a time when I had impatiently felt my eye-sight could not get any better. and i had since stopped 'wondering' how things would have changed, if i had continued the sessions. Things and incidents move on, as we should as well, rather than dwell in the past ... or so i tell myself constantly :p<br />
<br />
Over a year later, my eye-sight condition started diminishing, and my double vision had returned to bother me moreso than it had a year ago. The eye-patch became a fixture in my life, and the days of walking about without it became a challenge and a daily crap-shoot, so much so most times i choose not to leave the comforts and (self-imposed) saftey of the house, simply because I felt I could not adapt to the surrounds. My eye-sight also determines how I deal with "crowds" visually, or rather my inability to absorb and process the visual onslaught. My perception of depth is constantly questioned, and my balance is off, no doubt due to my visual process too, I surmise.<br />
<br />
Aside: I managed to control myself with a visit to Jakarta recently, and am thoroughly proud of myself, but it took a bit of time to recover from the process, post-event. But I KNOW I am getting better, so that's a good thing :)<br />
<br />
A visit to Western eye-specialist(s) proved to be a fount of information, but the final reality was that there was no medication to be taken, nor treated with, and that I was to learn to adapt my life to what my vision is now at this stage. The "good news" was that my vision need not the help of spectacles! My left eye possessed 25 degrees, while (ironically) my twitchy right eye was "perfect"! hahahahaha<br />
<br />
Nevertheless, I simply could not take this silently and go on with life. I felt I had to seek "hope", at the very least. I do not deem this as seeking a "second opinion", but rather seeking out an alternative "hope" to my present situation.<br />
<br />
<center><a href="http://instagram.com/p/cDY3dvRwsg/" target="_blank"><img src="http://farm8.staticflickr.com/7296/9341346353_6e9fbe196e.jpg" width="500" height="500" alt="bdd6dd0cf27d11e2a2fe22000a1f8ce3_7"></a></center><br />
My latest acupuncture session with was a sinseh in Toa Payoh, recommended by my dad, who is besotted with her practice. This image posted here is my first ever snap of me with needles on my face after all these years of experiencing it! haha<br />
<br />
This picture was taken at my second session today (that hand flipping my cheek is actually where the last needle would be embedded hahaha). The experience was a mixture of my first and second acupuncture experiences. There is no electricity discharged, but the points where the needles are embedded, possess a slight level of "pain" - not "OUCH", but "ooooooo".<br />
<br />
Right after my session today, the sinseh massaged the pinned points, with a menthol-smelling cream (which I did not see nor ask what it was), but it sure as heck opened up my eyes and senses! And the massages really "hurt" ("Mild-Ouch").<br />
<br />
How will this work out? I yearn to find out, and to regain a semblance of independent vision and senses. I will endeavor to update this blog accordingly. And my Western eye-specialist appointment is a year from now.<br />
<br />
Here are some summarized points, based on my observations and experiences in Singapore:<br />
<br />
- Each acupuncture session lasts about an average of 20 minutes. Any additional sessions would run that long as well.<br />
<br />
- Average prices here range between SGD$15 to $35 per session (Here in Singapore). It may or may not come with additional liquid medication.<br />
<br />
- Out if the 3 different acupuncturists I had gone to, only two used electrical discharge. More likely than not, the acupuncturist will as if the voltage is acceptable as you feel it, so you (probably) can choose higher or lower settings. I am unsure if your personal tolerance for this might hamper your advancement, but I would be wary if instead a practice just juices you up without asking your tolerance level hahaha - UNLESS it is the average "mild" un-intrusive level anyways :p<br />
<br />
- For Stroke, the best period to go thru acupuncture or any TCM treatment, is within the first 6 months of surviving Stroke, where perhaps 60-70% of treatment might be effective. Once the period lapses, the effectiveness takes a dive, averaging about 20% of effectiveness. This was mentioned by my current sinseh, and I have not researched into the legitimacy of the claim.<br />
<br />
Personally to me, finding the "right" sinseh makes the difference. The latter two sinsehs were recommended from trustworthy sources (aka folks whom my parents trusted ;p). You would be surprised how much legitimacy of medical learning is needed. Anyone could go learn the basics, get a certificate and frame it up on the clinic wall ... but experience and a clear knowledge of the bodies' essential points, is pretty hard to discern.<br />
<br />
My personal recommendation: Anyone who "promises" you the world, is suspect. "Practicality" and a clear sense of said practicality, is appreciated. But then again, I am not an expert at acupuncture, and can only conclude from my own observations and experience.<br />
<br />
Read up more about Acupuncture via <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Acupuncture" target="_blank"><u>Wikipedia</u></a>. I know I should, but I am tired of "self-medication" hahahaTOYSREVILhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03872736377423548421noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2824210430419585227.post-27093630968855717342013-05-28T10:32:00.002+08:002013-05-28T10:32:31.075+08:00High Blood Pressure IssuesBesides my physicality diminished by Stroke, one of the more excruciatingly anguishing constant is my high blood pressure - "persistent HBP", I might add!<br />
<br />
Sure, one of the reasons for my Stroke was HBP, so it was a given for my current condition … BUT in the early stages after my hospital stay for 2 months, my HBP seemed under control and "stable", so much so I could attend my twice-weekly Rehabilitation sessions at St. Andrew's Day Center … for a good while too … until one day, when that all changed.<br />
<br />
Every session I attend, before I am put thru the exercise machines, I would have my BP taken. A rudimentary requirement, with folks needing to adhere to the 120-140 Systolic and 90 Diastolic before they are allowed to continue, least your markers are a signpost to your diminished health and subsequently deterialmental to your abilities to cope with the exertion.<br />
<br />
My Systolic (above measurement) is always on the higher side, and an obvious hypertension malady, while I have always focused on the Diastolic-readings (below measurement), with "90" being my cut off, because simply, if I could not be below 90, I could not carry on my rehab sessions, or so I remind myself...<blockquote><i>"<b>What does the systolic blood pressure number mean?</b><br />
<br />
When your heart beats, it contracts and pushes blood through the arteries to the rest of your body. This force creates pressure on the arteries. This is called systolic blood pressure.<br />
<br />
A normal systolic blood pressure is 120 or below. A systolic blood pressure of 120-139 means you have normal blood pressure that is higher than ideal, or borderline high blood pressure. Even people with this level are at a greater risk of developing heart disease.<br />
<br />
A systolic blood pressure number of 140 or higher is considered to be hypertension, or high blood pressure.<br />
<br />
<b>What does the diastolic blood pressure number mean?</b><br />
<br />
The diastolic blood pressure number or the bottom number indicates the pressure in the arteries when the heart rests between beats.<br />
<br />
A normal diastolic blood pressure number is 80 or less. A diastolic blood pressure between 80 and 89 is normal but higher than ideal.<br />
<br />
A diastolic blood pressure number of 90 or higher is considered to be hypertension or high blood pressure."</i> (Information <a href="http://www.webmd.boots.com/hypertension-high-blood-pressure/guide/diastolic-and-systolic-blood-pressure-know-your-numbers">via</a>)</blockquote>And this has been the case for a while, before I decided (by myself) to go away and seek some semblance of "help" before I went back to rehab - which subsequently took much longer than I anticipated, months on end, whereby I was even "out-processed" of the program for taking that long a time.<br />
<br />
I have since stopped counting how long, but I know I left the rehab program before I was signed off by the therapists on my ability. That will always haunt me, especially now, as my neck region and even arm (where once was paralyzed) has since started to ache again…<br />
<br />
<center><a href="http://farm8.staticflickr.com/7311/8862143558_b6ff1ed479_z.jpg"><img src="http://farm8.staticflickr.com/7311/8862143558_b6ff1ed479.jpg" width="500" height="500" alt="7d1dccd4c6a011e29e8022000ae9083e_7"></a></center><br />
The above was my reading yesterday at the local polyclinic - at about 3:30pm - when I was there seeking treatment for an inane cough, and I was esthetic to see both numbers! Siply the "best" numbers I;d seen since my discharge from hospital in end-2010! A "Minor monday Miracle", I called it :)<br />
<br />
But least I "celebrated" too early, I checked myself out at home (with a home kit) at 10am, with the result less than satisfactory:<br />
<br />
<center><a href="http://farm4.staticflickr.com/3685/8861534181_ed28b52bf3_z.jpg"><img src="http://farm4.staticflickr.com/3685/8861534181_ed28b52bf3.jpg" width="500" height="500" alt="45e58550c73a11e2ac9b22000a1fb864_7"></a></center><br />
Perhaps I'll try again later in the afternoon at 3:30pm as well, as folks mention a person's HBP reading is slightly lower on the afternoons, as a person's body adjusts to waking up and thru the day … my machine's better not be busted tho! LOL<br />
<br />
Seems I might still be back to concentrated bitter gourd juice for a bit (a remedy taught to my mum from whom i do not know), or I should also be downing more celery … and of course my regular medicinal intake.<br />
<br />
I cannot dispense any advice on what to take, to reduce one's high blood pressure - sure as heck as it hasn't really worked for me, innit?<br />
<br />
In many ways, that's one of the main reasons why I avoid conflicts these days, or deliberately shy away from confrontations or quarrels, not to be embroiled in any negativity, which might get my blood'a'boiling. I had a quick temper "in the past", which I now actively quell, so I cannot say if it has actually "gone away" or that I am a more serene person I might attempt to be serene, but it doesn't mean I naturally am … the inner peace which escapes me, and my constant search for it still eludes my patience … "drama", I know, right? LOL<br />
<br />
While typing up this post, I realized I did not bring along my BP-reader to Jakarta with me last week, as I did when I visited Bangkok early last year - to keep tabs on my own health. Or perhaps it might have been a good thing, as it would have brought further attention and stress to myself? Be that as it may, it behooves anyone to pay attention to their own conditions, regardless how healthy you might seem on the surface. Don;t wait for the shit to hit the fan, yeah? Or else you might find yourself whining about it on a blog like this of mine LOL<br />
<br />
<br />
Cheers<br />
AndyTOYSREVILhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03872736377423548421noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2824210430419585227.post-62776708609273694772012-10-22T14:24:00.000+08:002012-12-10T23:07:45.986+08:00Happy Stroke-Birthday, Me!<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgOE0taBL2khVxBY65nHirfaegmYRMajKF803NlTfMCJYhUpffwE8ta2FIbfF5jJ_dUFSZL_-rJc8NqQlnMtFhFauWYlyoYNwpPHsWOb5rn1A0PqW66tvJocclLeVI4jlGgcnTUIdnNYQ1c/s1600/189168_10152221959090265_1969160639_n.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear:right; float:right; margin-left:1em; margin-bottom:1em"><img border="0" height="200" width="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgOE0taBL2khVxBY65nHirfaegmYRMajKF803NlTfMCJYhUpffwE8ta2FIbfF5jJ_dUFSZL_-rJc8NqQlnMtFhFauWYlyoYNwpPHsWOb5rn1A0PqW66tvJocclLeVI4jlGgcnTUIdnNYQ1c/s200/189168_10152221959090265_1969160639_n.jpg" /></a></div>Sometime after/around 2pm, 2 years ago on this specific date of October 22nd, I fell victim to Stroke, the result of which affected my life indefinitely.<br />
<br />
This time last year, I was knee-deep in sorting out funds and operations for my Silent Auction for Stroke (which saw a sum of SGD$2.3K being presented to the National Stroke Association of Singapore, on World Stroke Day October 29) and could hardly "mark" the date.<br />
<br />
This year, a few moments before this entry, I was having a lunch of fried bee hoon, as cooked by my Dad, at home, when the date suddenly dawned on me. Funnily enough, 2 years ago today, my dad had actually cooked Soup Bee Hoon for lunch, and i did not actually even get to taste it, before i literally felt the effects of the onset of Stroke (which we did not know it was "Stroke" then), which very quickly saw me taken by cab to a nearby hospital, and to awaken the next day, to be told that I had actually fell to Stroke.<br />
<br />
I've somewhat maintained either 22nd or 23rd to be my "second birthday", seeing that I had received a second lease of "life", and not succumbed to Stroke, in which I could have been permanently paralyzed, lost my ability to speak, or simply brain-damaged. I was even contemplating having a "Stroke-Birthday" celebration with folks and friends, but perhaps tis too morbid a notion for most, I reckon.<br />
<br />
Two years on. the pity-wagon might have left the station, but I am still feeling the results of Stroke. My eye-sight is still double and a chore to live with, my right-side of the body is starting to regain it's stiffness (due to the lack of exercise) and I'm seriously gaining weight and girth! I might be able to wobble-on without a walking cane now, but i still carry it with me, because I feel the inability to balance myself moreso these days (no doubt due to the increased weight gain lol). Regardless, I am still breathing air and rambling online, so something must have worked out lol<br />
<br />
With such, I would like to mark this "occasion" with this post, and as well treat myself to a movie later on (double-vision will not stop me lol), and be thankful I am good to go, two years on. <br />
<br />
Happy Stroke-Birthday, Me! LOL<br />
<br />
Cheers<br />
Andy<br />
<br />
P/S: Hey, my dad makes awesome fried bee hoon, okay? LOL<br />
<br />
TOYSREVILhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03872736377423548421noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2824210430419585227.post-92180551648483083942012-06-01T14:59:00.000+08:002012-06-01T14:59:07.521+08:00Warning Signs of a Stroke<center><iframe frameborder="0" width="576" height="324" src="http://d.yimg.com/nl/ynews/remakeamerica/player.html#shareUrl=http%3A%2F%2Fnews.yahoo.com%2Fwarning-signs-of-a-stroke.html&browseCarouselUI=hide&vid=29459532"></iframe></center><blockquote><i>"May is National Stroke Awareness month and a time to raise our understanding of the emotional, physical, and financial impact that stroke has on our friends and family."</i> ~reports <a href="http://sg.news.yahoo.com/warning-signs-of-a-stroke.html">Yahoo!News</a></blockquote>TOYSREVILhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03872736377423548421noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2824210430419585227.post-31890693711414529242012-04-16T13:36:00.002+08:002012-04-16T13:45:41.248+08:00Regaining Independence"Funny thing", this thing known as "independence" - a particular attribute I have been striving for, since surviving Stroke in October 2010 (and by that of course I mean "independence", not striving to be "Funny" lol). And when I mention "independence", it just simply means the ability to navigate places by yourself, without the need of help from another person. Note that I had spent over a year going to wherever, always with a chaperone (most times it had been my Father), where there was an intangible fear that I would fall, or be lost to my Stroke-relapse and no one would be the wiser to know what to do. <br /><br />This is mostly a mental challenge, I admit. But a challenge it had been for a long while that I could not conquer, until only recently.<br /><br />I have since surmised that whatever "independence" i have been conquering this far, were easier when it is with places and spaces I am familiar with, in the first place. It is the familiarity with retracing the steps I have had taken in the past, that builds up my own confidence and ability to cope with the now, and perhaps even future, or so I surmise.<br /><br />Besides visiting my dad in SGH earlier on, the other places I have physically gone to by myself, were places I had visited in my "healthier days", like the Sunday flea market in China Square Central, the neighborhood Loyang Point mall, or even the post office at White Sands mall in Pasir Ris, and hell even the bus depot was somewhere I'd gone to numerous times in the past. Now navigating them, is not too much of a mental challenge, as I remember them and where things were, where the turns are to reach somewhere, somewhen.<br /><br />Now that compared to going to Thailand, was a breeze. Navigating Bangkok, I realized I was able to get by, because I blocked all the fear and inhibitions, and just "walked on" - one of my current mottos in life is; "Move Forward. Always Move Forward". And that was what I did - literally moved forward, and on hindsight, perhaps I was not as I was 100% mentally when I was with folks, because I was spending a decent amount of energy blocking out my fear. And I will be the first one to say, hell yeah I was fearful to be independent and alone in a foreign land! The scenery was different, the geography was daunting, grappling with my own ability (or lack thereof) to catchup and be in the group, it was simpler for me to get along by myself, or with lesser folks in a group.<br /><br />The meeting of 'old friends' did more good to me mentally, than anyone would ever imagined. Remember "familiarity"? If I am a stranger to the space, then let the faces of familiar friends calm thy temperament, I insist. My sincere thanks to a friend Thanya, for without her, it would have been an extremely harder task to "accept" Bangkok.<br /><br />I realize these mental obstacles might well be foreign to most healthy, abled folks, but perhaps if you are dealing with Stroke-survivors, having the ability or even opportunity to interact with people and places from the past, may well help integrate them into the state they are currently in, if not help build confidence in their own ability to be "independent". And once that is achieved, then consider going off to places previously not been before, to be able to fully appreciate and enjoy their experiences, and not be fearful of themselves, in the first place. And being integrated into the community was just be as fulfilling, and not just the sense to need to "survive".<br /><br />Hope I wish I could have enjoyed myself more in Bangkok, than I was masked with fear and trepidation, but the time has come and gone, and all we/i can do now is "Move Forward" :)TOYSREVILhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03872736377423548421noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2824210430419585227.post-1796653350135378292012-04-03T02:35:00.003+08:002012-12-10T23:09:06.587+08:00Keeping PaceBangkok was a … <i>challenge.</i> A challenge to navigate, a challenge for me to integrate with the masses, and a challenge to be covering the event (for which I was invited to attend as a Judge, and eventually tasked to cover as well). I had just returned from a 6-day trip to Thailand, which had been a experience pushing me to my physical limits and mental fortitude.<br />
<br />
Navigating amongst folks, became a key challenge at most points. My limited physical abilities meant I had to play "catch up" to most everyone. Yes, most folks had been extremely 'kind' and 'concerned' to turn back and wait for me, but the reality is, moving in a group, I had to somehow "up" my pace to stay within the group's range - even if it meant dragging my heels behind everyone else - and that in itself was a tremendous 'burden' that got the better of me at most instances, so much so I had even forgo a chance for a group outing, because it does me no good to be languishing behind while everyone trudged on, and frankly no matter how I might have been able to express my difficulty, I do not want or need to feel to be a burden to anyone, much less in a group-scenario when everyone is having fun.<br />
<br />
Now imagine that being thought of, by a much older Stroke-survivor, like an uncle, aunt or parent. Would folks actually "say" it out loud? The fear is, they do not. Because NO ONE wants or likes to feel like a "burden", and especially older-folks, IMHO. I certainly don't.<br />
<br />
Sure, nobody is asking me to quicken my pace, nobody is rushing me to marathon-a-mile, but the reality is; in an instance like this, it IS all about the Stroke-survivor, and not YOUR requirement or judgement of speed. If you intend to bring out a Stroke-survivor and care for him/her, do not expect for him/her to follow your speed, but instead cater to his/hers, instead. If it is your intention in the first place, of course.<br />
<br />
Regardless of what folks might think, or think they "know", the reality is most times something they cannot relate to, unless it is something they had the misfortune to experience.<br />
<br />
Nothing beats a one-on-one walk tho, with a person shadowing or walking alongside you (it eases the fear and temperament), or simply being followed at the back by others who are looking out for you or you think are looking out for you). Note that walking in front of a Stroke-survivor means nothing if he/she would fall, and all you see is "after the fact" lol.<br />
<br />
Walking behind, you'd be able to see the survivor's walking pattern, and even offer feedback on how he/she is walking. Like, if the person tends to lean towards the left sode of the body, or tends to veer to the right even tho he/she is walking straight. Know that Stroke affects a person's sense of direction sometimes as well, besides the ability (or "disability" to walk). But don't go shadowing the person right behind the back, and end up kicking his/her walking cane (sorry, but my mum has done that on numerous occasions hahahaha). But yes, walking behind does not mean you'd be able to rush in in time to "hold" unto the person if he/she is falling lol<br />
<br />
The term I am faced with constantly is "community integration" (or sumsuch expression) - whereby the individual can join the community at large, to engage in activities as common to the regular physically-abled folks. I reckon I am still "integrating" and struggling too. Taking a public bus alone. Taking the train, or even getting a tray of food in a crowded food-court, are but the few activities for folks to "join in the community".<br />
<br />
With being a part of the community, the Stroke-survivor need not have to feel being "alone" with his/her own medical-malady amongst other able-bodied folks. With independence, the Stroke-survivor can gain confidence in being able to cope with and perhaps even excel beyond his/her own medical-malady (within the given physical restrictions, of course).<br />
<br />
It is one thing to walk by yourselves amongst a group, but to physically relate to, and/or catchup with a group's normal speed, is and will be a struggle. Folks might welcome the chance to assist the Stroke-survivor, but do not at any moment pretend you would know how they would feel in stances like this. And people would mostly ask; "Are You Okay?", and the answer would more likely be "I'm Okay" - because what is the alternative? Stop and turn back?<br />
<br />
At one point in my time in Bangkok, I found myself in a situation where I had to walk by myself, from the hostel to the event venue - which is a walk in the park to most (not including the heat of weather lol) but one of the most arduous trek I have had to contend with thus far. I could barely walk straight and steady, and my eyes were fixed on the floor in front of me, most times. There were multiple steps to navigate and climb as well, but hey, I survived it, and can only pat myself on the back for being stronger, and frankly, that's all I could do.<br />
<br />
Ironically, by myself at my own pace, it was not as arduous as having the need to follow another's pace. Is it the same for every survivor? I would not pretend to know.<br />
<br />
The fear of falling on my face in a foreign land, was heightened, but was kept at bay with my own stubbornness to conquer the journey, and of my own misgivings and fear, and believe you me, fear griped at me most times I was up and walking.<br />
<br />
And if folks know me well, "fear" is something I chose not to give into, but it does not mean I can ignore it's existence totally. For Stroke-survivors, "fear" might not be something that can be articulated easily, or gauged, beyond "I am scared" - for which able-bodied folks might gauge against their own "fear" instead of the survivors. Do not judge like that, and I can only ask you to acknowledge the fear that might exist for the survivor, much less "understand" it. As for "reacting" to it, it can only show the level of care and concern you do after being told subsequently. Sometimes, all is needed is for the Stroke-survivor to sit, rest his/her feets and catch their breath, and regain their confidence to continue the journey they have set out to conquer in the first instance.<br />
<br />
Is it "(all) in the mind?" OF COURSE IT IS. Let there be no doubt about that. Although it does not mean it is 100% in the mind! But it is a strong aspect of one's reaction to activities around. If there was any physical manifestation, it would be an obvious physical reaction to it. There have been a few times when my legs buckled and I was caught breathless with heart palpating rapidly, and had needed to sit down immediately and rest (that is why i consciously choose not to "cover" events these days, I am not foolish enough to think I can physically do what I had done before, for the time being anyways until I recover fully).<br />
<br />
A simple equation: The more you walk or move, the more chances you might trip and fall. Move slow and you might be able to control your movements, move fast, and pray that gravity will spare you a reprieve. <br />
<br />
Regardless, this post is meant as a reference for folks dealing with Stroke-survivors and their movements. I am grateful for the opportunity to push myself beyond my regular mindset and fears, and lived to survive and return to Singapore in one piece. And because I simply choose not to constantly complain about my coping-issues, it is all on me to make myself comfortable, in the first place.<br />
<br />
If I said I am grateful to be "alive", would you dare claim to say you feel what I feel? Do not attempt to, instead, spare a thought for folks out there who might not have the tenacity to survive beyond their own fears, much less their physical disabilities.<br />
<br />
Heck, I still have a long road to recovery and journey in life I need to walk thru, but looks like I'll need to be keeping my own pace - rather than depend on others' - if I am to arrive at whatever my destination is, in good health and good spirits :)TOYSREVILhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03872736377423548421noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2824210430419585227.post-30152783372707137652012-02-10T08:46:00.004+08:002012-02-10T08:55:34.796+08:00Playing With LEGO<center><a href="http://farm8.staticflickr.com/7045/6846432743_b93caaf09b_o.jpg"><img src="http://farm8.staticflickr.com/7045/6846432743_dd3fc4d76e.jpg" width="500" height="375" alt="426525_10150527649001691_621941690_9369710_76615043_n"></a></center><br />Made a LEGO Red Car today at my weekly Stroke-rehab session <i>(my personal blood-pressure is <a href="http://stroke41.blogspot.com/2011/08/bp-issues.html" target="_blank"><u>still frustratingly above the limit</u></a> - even after increased medical dosage prescribed by my Stroke Doctor - but i reckon it still needs time for the pills to react...)</i> and enjoyed every moment of it - lifted my dampened spirits, it did! Even needing to finger+find the mini-bits-n-pieces of the construct, with my chubby Stroke-fingers, was pretty fun!<br /><br />Near everyone had mentioned that I was doing something that they wished they had a chance to do when they were young, and that got me thinking quite a bit - that if given the opportunity, I'd wish everyone had a chance to "play" with the LEGO-bricks, for both the recovering patients (like myself) and others more healthy in body. The chance to "play", at whatever age group one is in, is an important part of "life" folks tend to give up in adulthood (and I do not mean folks who already "collect toys" in the first place ;p).<br /><br /><center><a href="http://farm8.staticflickr.com/7172/6846432911_ded4221a80_b.jpg"><img src="http://farm8.staticflickr.com/7172/6846432911_ded4221a80_m.jpg" width="240" height="180" alt="428187_10150527648056691_621941690_9369709_285875273_n"></a> <a href="http://farm8.staticflickr.com/7015/6846433319_9b723bd37a_o.jpg"><img src="http://farm8.staticflickr.com/7015/6846433319_110c8fee20_m.jpg" width="240" height="180" alt="427774_10150527646316691_621941690_9369707_1582561929_n"></a></center><br />For folks like myself, the act requires eye and hand co-ordination (there is a guidebook showing steps all thru the way) along with the visual recognition of the pieces. Believe you me, what you take for granted - stacking colored plastic blocks on each other may not be as easy a task for folks with impaired physical abilities. Regular "play", is in some cases, yet another physical task that needs to be conquered as well.<br /><br />I like the LEGO builds in the rehab center. I had previously done a BUS before (twice) and today was this red roadster, which had openable doors, and hoods! And the sense of finishing a vehicular structure, with wheels running along the table-top, no doubt would be an invigorating sense of satisfaction for whomever builds the unit, methinks! And that is something that is really beneficial to the mindset of a recovery, as it is one of those tasks that creates a instant response at the end of the effort.<br /><br />And completing a build may well cater to the sense of "accomplishment" - however small they might be compared to the patient's ailment - as accomplishments might be few and far in-between on the road to recovery, IMHO.<br /><br /><center><a href="http://farm8.staticflickr.com/7058/6846433107_c7a282d988_o.jpg"><img src="http://farm8.staticflickr.com/7058/6846433107_7e71beddd8_m.jpg" width="240" height="180" alt="402669_10150527647256691_621941690_9369708_495610834_n"></a> <a href="http://farm8.staticflickr.com/7010/6846432507_c5311c37a9_b.jpg"><img src="http://farm8.staticflickr.com/7010/6846432507_c5311c37a9_m.jpg" width="240" height="180" alt="404463_10150527650121691_621941690_9369712_2034507987_n"></a><br /><a href="http://farm8.staticflickr.com/7191/6846433473_94cb20c775_o.jpg"><img src="http://farm8.staticflickr.com/7191/6846433473_33ec13cbee.jpg" width="500" height="375" alt="423988_10150527643501691_621941690_9369701_166940605_n"></a></center><br />Me, I have a chance to play with LEGO and relive a slice of my childhood that I have not had the opportunity to in adulthood (sadly it had to be because of Stroke lol). I envy some of my friends who dwell in the realms of LEGO, and reckon LEGO builds are not just for kids, but much for adults as well. Now I just need to now what I need to do, to get some free LEGO sets! LOL<br /><br /><i>(All images posted here are courtesy of my therapist Jessie Chui ~ and thanks to Pauline Khoo for the LEGO-"treatment", and for letting me play with LEGO hahahaha)</i>TOYSREVILhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03872736377423548421noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2824210430419585227.post-35424500487864498982011-12-09T12:19:00.001+08:002011-12-09T12:19:41.213+08:00Perpetually DrunkI was explaining to my TCM doctor the other day, how it felt like to be currently recovering from Stroke. I had mentioned that I felt perpetually "drunk" - ie; light-in-the-head, everything goes on slower-motion - both receiving the notion, and of my reaction. Like you are seemingly aware of what's gong on around you, but not fully on control of your actions, much less your circumstances. Being "drunk", but without the thrill of irresponsibility being drunk.<br /><br />There is hardly any 'sense of euphoria' involved in my day-to-day reactions to being 'drunk'. Things more slower than before, in what I hope to achieve and physically do, and sometimes even mentally; I am bound by my rapidly depleting energy-levels - which requires me to nap for a coupla of hours in the afternoon to replenish - versus the need and want I have to accomplish my tasks.<br /><br />Most times it feels like the brain has been 'unmoored' from the docks of the skull, and when I turn my head, the brain turns along with it, but a fraction of a second slower. Whether this is because if the lack of blood going to the brains, or a literal physical manifestation, I have yet to ask or be determined. So in lieu of this happenstance, I move as slow as possible, react to sounds and activities, as slow as I possibly can. Ironically, because oif the Stroke which caused a crick/ache in my neck, I sometimes have to turn my upper torso area, so that my face can face whatever is in front of me - like Batman in the Tim Burton movies - where the cowl is one snuggle piece with no flexibility for the neck to twist and turn LOL<br /><br />People may not realize, but the solitary action of "blogging", is not a hard thing to execute. Fair enough my eye-sight leaves me wanting on most occasions (I have double-vision post-Stroke) but it is nevertheless a process able to be conquered, or in my instance, "getting used to" (developing the head-twitching and big-eye-small-eye symptom does me no favors tho). <br /><br />I receive news via my inbox. I line up the posts and images, and I blog them. I currently rely a lot on press-releases, and if something really grabs me, I offer my opinions and impressions. Once in a long while I scan thru my various online venues (extremely narrowed down to a scant few these days) and perhaps blog about them, or post them on my public Facebook page. <br /><br />I've been doing up a lot of toy-reviews lately, both via pictures and via video (i do not show my face in lieu of my jagged teeth and big-eye-small-eye lol and still folks emulate my visual-crop? Seriously?). Not much interviews happening these days, as i sucks too much out of me, if people choose not to play ball.<br /><br />In all, I spend about 10 to 12hours per day online doing up all these, when it used to take me a slightly smaller fraction of time to do them. And that in lieu leaves me very little chance to reply emails and such happenstance that people somehow continue to expect. "Frustration" has given way to needing to get stuff done.<br /><br />I am restarting my Stroke Rehab sessions soon (I stopped for a few months), and am focusing on other endeavors in time for 2012 - all of which leaves me with less time to be spent online, and funnily throughout all these activities and plans, I still feel "drunk" thru and thru, and that is a feeling I do not wish to have, but reckon must live with, until such a time when it gets better? I have stopped waiting for that day actually, and I have grown weary of the need to justify my condition to folks who frankly, do not care beyond imagining I am "all well" because I continue to blog, tweet and post on Facebook lol<br /><br />Cheers<br />AndyTOYSREVILhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03872736377423548421noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2824210430419585227.post-9202766792711572082011-11-01T10:46:00.001+08:002011-11-01T10:46:39.150+08:00Passing Motion and the Dangers of ExertionThis information has stuck with me ever since Gabriel Tiongson of Philippines (both an Artist and a PT/Physical-Therapist!) shared this when we met up not too long ago:<br /><br />MALADY: <b>Why (older) surviving Stroke-patients (always) seem to faint and fall down in toilets</b>.<br /><br />REASON: Because it might be due to exertion of force, in trying to clear their bowels, that might lead to blood-flow which affects their brains. Remember squeezing with all your might, and your head suddenly feels woozy?<br /><br />Makes complete sense to me. And caregivers of Stroke-surviving folks might do well to take care of that aspect. Find out from them if there are any problems with bowel movements, and find a simple solution with your attending doctor/s - but not self-medicate, or laxative enhancements, I guess.<br /><br />Remember, only when in the toilet, is when the patient/survivor is left all alone, compared to when there is help anywhere around the house, and that is one of the places you might not be able to supervise or watch over.<br /><br />In the early days of Stroke, while I was lying in the Stroke Acute Ward, bowel movement was a major issue, and I had to be medically injected via my anus to increase fluidity of my passing of waste. And as well, i had extremely limited movement and my legs could not walk properly, much less make my way to the toilet by my own steam, which ironically laid 6 meters from my bed.<br /><br />I am currently on TCM medicine that actually promotes bowel-movement, but i remember the strain earlier when i tried to expel my wastes.TOYSREVILhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03872736377423548421noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2824210430419585227.post-42849007475940184472011-10-30T18:24:00.004+08:002011-10-30T18:38:45.028+08:00World Stroke Day 2011 / Presentation of Cheque Donation of Proceeds from TOYSREVIL Silent AuctionOctober 29th was "<b>World Stroke Day</b>", and one of the activities in Singapore was organized by the <a href="http://www.snsa.org.sg/about_us.html">Singapore National Stroke Association</a> at the Yio Chu Kang Community Club in Ang Mo Kio, which saw an English and Chinese forum about Stroke (and as well a Malay forum at the Changi Singapore Hospital in the late afternoon). It was the venue for where I would be presenting the cheque of proceeds accumulated from the recent TOYSREVIL <a href="http://toysrevil.blogspot.com/search/label/auction%20for%20stroke" target="_blank"><u>Silent Auction</u></a>, as requested by SNSA.<br /><br /><center><a href="http://farm7.static.flickr.com/6045/6293852663_09bff10f81_o.jpg"><img src="http://farm7.static.flickr.com/6045/6293852663_ddaf38ccbe_m.jpg" width="240" height="180" alt="IMG_4023"></a> <a href="http://farm7.static.flickr.com/6213/6293852743_3103b0a0bf_o.jpg"><img src="http://farm7.static.flickr.com/6213/6293852743_5cdb8ec67b_m.jpg" width="240" height="180" alt="IMG_4024"></a><br /><a href="http://farm7.static.flickr.com/6110/6293853051_80ff80efb2_o.jpg"><img src="http://farm7.static.flickr.com/6110/6293853051_57e806ac66_m.jpg" width="240" height="180" alt="IMG_4025"></a> <a href="http://farm7.static.flickr.com/6234/6293853121_98ba7e7a6e_o.jpg"><img src="http://farm7.static.flickr.com/6234/6293853121_7524bbc185_m.jpg" width="240" height="180" alt="IMG_4026"></a></center><br />The night before, I had prepared the personal cheque written out to them, along with a 3-page print-out document explaining what where the funds had come from, based on the personal initiative - which I had launched on my birthday on September 27th, and ended on October 22nd - a day to the year when I fell to Stroke in 2010. As well a list of donators/contributers, and successful-bidders were listed out, and documents presented to SNSA along with the cheque. The contents of the print-out are posted below.<br /><br /><center><a href="http://farm7.static.flickr.com/6050/6294368812_9062d0f4c8_o.jpg"><img src="http://farm7.static.flickr.com/6050/6294368812_2b43fd0926_m.jpg" width="240" height="180" alt="IMG_4029"></a> <a href="http://farm7.static.flickr.com/6042/6293846025_8d5131847e_o.jpg"><img src="http://farm7.static.flickr.com/6042/6293846025_3109720d83_m.jpg" width="240" height="180" alt="IMG_4056"></a><br /><a href="http://farm7.static.flickr.com/6216/6293842805_a8edcb67b0_o.jpg"><img src="http://farm7.static.flickr.com/6216/6293842805_da4a83fe61_m.jpg" width="240" height="180" alt="IMG_4032"></a> <a href="http://farm7.static.flickr.com/6227/6294369962_62afe44a3b_o.jpg"><img src="http://farm7.static.flickr.com/6227/6294369962_fed5174c34_m.jpg" width="240" height="180" alt="IMG_4044"></a></center><br />I was accompanied to the event with my sister and father (coincidentally, both of them were with me when I fell to Stroke in 2010). After a short while of waiting (I also met Steven - a former fellow recovery at the SACH Rehab Center), I went on stage to present the cheque to Mr Seng Han Thong (Member of Parliament for Ang Mo Kio GRC) on behalf of the Singapore National Stroke Association, in the presence of Mr Michael Yap (Vice President of SNSA).<br /><br />[<a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/toysrevil2/tags/worldstrokeday2011/show/" target="_blank"><u>Click here</u></a> to view slideshow of non-toy-images full-screen on a separate web-browser]<br /><br /><br /><i>Dear Singapore National Stroke Association,<br /><br />RE: Donation of Funds To SNSA<br /><br />A "Silent Auction" was conducted online via the TOYSREVIL-Blog (http://toysrevil.net), which launched on September 27th, 2011 and ended on October 22nd, 2011 (The exact day a year ago when I fell to Stroke in 2010). The intention was for 100% of the proceeds of sales to benefit SNSA, and the intention was made known at every instance and when the items were featured and mentioned for auction, and subsequently sales online.<br /><br />A variety of local and international artists and designers donated both production and custom 'art toys', as well as illustrations for this personal initiative, and the total amount raised at the end of the event amounted to USD$1,820.00 - which converts to approximately SGD$2,306.00 (Price Conversion via http://www.xe.com), for which I would like to humbly present to the Singapore National Stroke Association.<br /><br />I would like to mention / list the people involved in donating their products for the auction, in appreciation of their support and generosity, as well mention the folks who had taken the time and effort to bid and buy the items put up for auction. (Please refer to the attached list).<br /><br />Sincerely,<br />Andy Heng<br />Editor-in-Chief at TOYSREVIL<br /><br />www: http://toysrevil.net<br />Facebook: http://toysrevil.org<br />Email: toysreviler@gmail.com<br /><br /><u>Contributors of Auction Items</u>:<br /><br />Name of Contributor: Andy Mitchell (from United Kingdom)<br />Website: http://www.custard4gravy.co.uk<br />Item/Status: Custard4Gravy Goodie Pack<br /><br />Name of Contributor: Andy Heng (from Singapore)<br />Website: http://about.me/toysrevil<br />Item/Status: Original Hand-drawn Sketch Cards / Partially SOLD<br /><br />Name of Contributor: Bob Conge (from the United States)<br />Website: http://plaseebo.net<br />Item/Status: Clear-Blue Tint Molezilla Toy Figure<br /><br />Name of Contributor: Chris Burt (from the UK)<br />Website: http://www.the-tarantulas.com/<br />Name of Contributor: Ralph Niese (from the USA)<br />Website: http://bruno83.deviantart.com/<br />Item/Status: Medieval Nibblers / SOLD<br /><br />Name of Contributor: Cooper Berella (from USA)<br />Website: http://www.facebook.com/GoSuperCooper<br />Item/Status: Super Cooper Cool Pack<br /><br />Name of Contributor: Cris Rose (from UK)<br />Website: http://www.crisrose.co.uk<br />Item/Status: Tri-Red Ruckus Original Resin Toy / SOLD<br /><br />Name of Contributor: Eric Wirjanata (from Indonesia)<br />Website: http://www.thunderpanda.com<br />Item/Status: Portrait Sketch<br /><br />Name of Contributor: Gabriel Tiongson (from The Philippines)<br />Website: http://www.facebook.com/pages/DIKO-Gabriel-Tiongson/208423532559078<br />Item/Status: Squidwad Original Print<br /><br />Name of Contributor: Hauke Scheer (from Germany)<br />Website: http://www.deepfriedfigures.com<br />Item/Status: UR.INAL-9000 Toy Figures<br /><br />Name of Contributor: JC Rivera (from USA)<br />Website: http://www.artbyjcrivera.com<br />Item/Status: Custom-Foomi Toy Figure / SOLD<br /><br />Name of Contributor: Mark Nagata (from USA)<br />Website: http://www.maxtoyco.com<br />Item/Status: Custom-painted TriPus Toy Figure / SOLD<br /><br />Name of Contributor: Mico Suayan artwork (*donated by ALwyn Liang Jia Wei from Singapore)<br />Website: http://elseworldscomicartfans.blogspot.com/<br />Item/Status: Venom Original Sketch<br /><br />Name of Contributor: Paul Shih (from New Zealand)<br />Website: http://www.paul-shih.com<br />Item/Status: Hand-sketch / SOLD<br /><br />Name of Contributor: Rudy Ao (from Indonesia now residing in Singapore)<br />Website: http://www.aoillustration.com<br />Item/Status: Batman Original Artwork / SOLD<br /><br />Name of Contributor: Shinji Nakako (from Japan)<br />Website: http://www.tomenosuke.com/<br />Item/Status: Variety of Japan-Exclusive Toys / Partially SOLD<br /><br />Name of Contributor: Wendy Chew (from Singapore)<br />Website: http://mashi.deviantart.com/<br />Item/Status: Mermaids Original Paintings<br /><br />These are the folks who had bided on and successfully secured the products on auction:<br /><br />Adam Litvack of USA<br />Alaric Choo of Singapore<br />Beatrice Seifert of USA<br />Bryan Lopez of USA<br />Chad Schennum of USA<br />Cooper Berella of USA<br />Erich Lehman of USA<br />Jeffrey Ocampo-Tan of USA<br />Jerry Lien of USA<br />Zullikhan Abdullah from Singapore</i>TOYSREVILhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03872736377423548421noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2824210430419585227.post-8569978282080172652011-10-30T18:22:00.001+08:002011-10-30T18:22:33.638+08:00Top 10 ways to cut your risk of stroke<center><iframe width="560" height="315" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/MpH6yNxyM3I" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe></center>TOYSREVILhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03872736377423548421noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2824210430419585227.post-12906465826894012542011-10-30T18:21:00.002+08:002011-10-30T18:23:18.912+08:00Recognizing Stroke Video<center><iframe width="560" height="315" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/IhklpQZzEkc" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe></center>TOYSREVILhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03872736377423548421noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2824210430419585227.post-28727027108538026402011-08-05T14:43:00.003+08:002012-02-11T00:13:32.704+08:00Mobility and DexterityTwo aspects of a human condition that is somewhat affected by the onset of Stroke. "Mobility" and "Dexterity".<br /><br />Basically different folks are affected in different levels of ability - as Stroke effects are different from person to person. There is not an exact catch-all chart or anything like that to read from, but there are general guidelines for doctors' and rehab specialists' actions for.<br /><br />Some folks need a wheelchair for the rest of their life - for lack of mobility or even dexterity - and some, well, their dexterity is affected in someway that they cannot deny.<br /><br />MOBILITY<br /><br />Lying in the Stroke Acute Ward for a month, and recovery ward for another month, I have seen different folks affected differently by Stroke. Some folks walk around like nothing ever happened (more brain-problems than physical problems) and some need a wheelchair or a walking aid to move around.<br /><br />I remember regaining consciousness after a few hours of being under (or rather "under observation" for a limited time before folks feel i could recover or go under the knife) and the subsequent days to be quite a mindscrew. I remember walking, i remember jumping, skipping and all the things "regular" folks do on a daily basis - but my limbs "did not remember" any of that. I could hardly put one feet in from of the other, much less be able to go to the toilet on my own, or even shower myself. I couldn't even stand up straight while holding unto a side railing in a hospital corridor. This lasted for a few weeks. <br /><br />And for weeks after "re-educating" the limbs, had i also gained the strength to carrying on with daily exercises, to reach a point where i can walk myself to the toilet, take a shower standing up, and get up and about with my walking cane (and my chaperone aka "Dad") to my acupuncture and (former) rehab sessions.<br /><br />But these are the general broadstrokes that are visible immediate to the eye - as is the way i "walk" - with a slightly tilt or as the medical practitioners say "gait" - I walk not like a normal person would, but with a slight feeling as if something is wrong my legs (which loads of strangers had actually attributed to an accident involving my legs) or i am a struggling "drunk". Some folks walk with a very obvious gait, like broader legs apart and affecting the torso and entire body rhythm. <br /><br />Regardless of how we walk, i reckon we (or at least "me") is bloody happy I can walk in any instance, innit?<br /><br />And a lot of the issues which affect such mobility, is that a portion of the brain, had been affected by the blood clot or bursting, when the blood flow to the brain is affected, as in the case of Stroke. The region of the nape/neck s where most problems happen, and a whole lot of time - for the physically disabled - is the "balance" of the person, is affected.<br /><br />BALANCE<br /><br />You need balance for basically everything you do, that involves you standing up and being mobile. And it is not just walking a straight line (I still have trouble doing that now), it is also other simpler things in life folks take for granted. I use myself and my abilities (or lack thereof) as an example here:<br /><br />1. Standing on one leg balanced for more than 2 seconds. I am improving but not great. As with most Stroke, one side of the body is affected - in my case, the "Stroke-side" is right, where both my right leg and arms was/is affected. My master-arm is the right-arm, so you can imagine my freakout (more on that later below under "dexterity").<br /><br />2. Walking Up or Down steps. Up is never much of a problem (with or without side-handles) but am working on my walking-down without side-handles. And it is a slow walk, as at moments in time, one leg would be suspended above while the other takes over the weight, right? Hence, "balance".<br /><br />3. Crossing over a curb or bump. Again, same issue of balance, but in the middle of nowhere, there is no side-railing to hold unto - hence my walking stick comes in handy. These days i tend to maneuver around/over obstacles like this without much fuss (but for the fear of falling flat on my face of course hahaha) but tis conquerable, nevertheless. You think walking and crossing over the raised step in the HBD toilet doorway is "easy"?<br /><br />4. Closing my eyes and standing with one-leg-in-front-of-another. Try it yourselves and see how it is. I cannot do it for more than 5-8 seconds (or less) as the feeling of falling is ever present and is a tangible situation happening.<br /><br />Because of the lack of balance, or the uncontrollable aspect of such, a lot of folks tend to "fall" - especially happens for older folks. Although this is not exclusive to Stroke, the ability to be stable affects older folks as well - but with Stroke - it is an added risk.<br /><br />I have heard numerous stories and recollections of old folks who fall, after leaving rehab (or even during, but specifically at home), dislocate their hip, or other parts, and it is heart-breaking. I am also wary that even tho I might be able to waddle around like a drunk man - because that IS literally how I look like and feel like moving about - there is also the fear of falling or taking a misstep, and getting all the issues back up again.<br /><br />For sure folks can say: "Take That Step Forward!" - but for the lack of balance skills, how can folks dare be able to "right" themselves as easily as healthy, able-bodied folks do?<br /> <br />But of course try, day to day, step by agonizing step.<br /><br />DEXTERITY<br /><br />When Stroke happened, it affected my right-side of the body, which meant my master-hand (which was the right hand) was affected severely initially. Some folks (including myself) pretend to act like a spastic-person and cup their hands to represent that - and that is not wrong. Besides the obvious bodily-mobility, dexterity might also be affected, with the "cupped hand"one of the more recognizable effects. <br /><br />I remember not even being to hold unto something with my hand, much less be able to draw, or even write. Through time I was lucky in such that i can hold and draw, and even trained myself to write unlike a small kid would, and write in a decent-ish straight line/s. I have a notebook filled with essays (written during my months stay in rehab-recovery) to show the change.<br /><br />And being able to type with both hands (yes I do that lol) is a relief, although I have not been able to hold a pen or ink s steadily as I used to - which disturbs me greatly, but I shall not complain as I am still able to scribble.<br /><br />Being able to hold my own fork and spoon is also a relished ability (although my chopstick work leaves much to be desired), and seeing some other folks who are unable to even feed themselves, I am grateful I can.<br /><br />I remember "tests" in the hospital, where groups of us would sit around to test our eating abilities - aka the level of foods were are able to swallow and chew, like porridge and oats (which everybody can) to chewing on meats and vegetables, and being able to swallow them. I remember aching to have solid foods, but struggled to hold a spoon, much less a fork lol<br /><br />But yes, not long after i gobbled down hospital food like manna, and no they do not "suck" as most folks think - they just are not as "yummy" as you expect normal food you are used to be. what? You need to fill yourself with energy so you can exercise it off, don't you? LOL<br /><br />These days, I wander around my own house freely and without a walking cane as when I am at my rehab center as well - more probably because I feel "safe" within the boundaries of the space, and able to maneuver around any known bumps or barriers, as opposed to the whole wide world outside now - which I move around with a walking cane - not for walking, but for balancing myself, and helping me conquer said hums and steps.<br /><br />"Going out for a drink, or chat with friends", or heading off for a movie, is something I miss dearly in my life - and is something that I still strive to achieve, given time. Folks these days ask to meet me out for a drink or sum-such activities like i'm all fine and dandy - which i cannot blame them for, as they either do not know my condition enough, or simply do not deem important to find out if i am able to int he first place. Both irks me and leaves me disappointed, but hey, who is to know if i do not say anything?<br /><br />Ironically with my pre-Stroke days being a literal hermit (for 5 years, i kept to myself in real-life versus online, and remained single for that long a time as well, until now lol), these days i am actually more active in leaving the house, moreso than ever before (even if tis only for rehab and acupuncture hahaha).<br /><br />This coming late-ish August, I will have a massive task ahead of me: Walking around Suntec City for the Singapore Toy, Games and ComicCon. Last year, I had my sister wheeling me around in my rental wheelchair - this year? I'm walking in with my walking cane, laptop-bag slung around me and struggling with one hand on a cane, and the other on my digital camera (and possibly handling my mobile phone - urgh) - although I have to seriously consider I need a chaperone with me … currently I am still stubborn enough to do it tho haha …<br /><br />This morning, i sat down on the floor to get at something, and then later struggled to get up by myself without holding unto anything - believe you me, that was a massive act that I do not look forward to doing again - but in actuality, it just serves to remind me there is a HUGE way more to go, before I dare claim my own "independence" - something which I took for granted, before it all.<br /><br />There had been a plan to visit jolly old England in late-September-early-October, where my sis is going to visit her mates and attend a wedding, and I would go along and perhaps seek out friends in UK who would be willing to meet or even host me (and I would be celebrating my birthday there too - yay!) but the reality is, I can hardly even carry the weight of myself, much less my own luggage, so how the heck dare i claim i can move around as i think I can?<br /><br />this notion saddens me more than i'll ever be able to express tho.<br /><br />I am trying to regain my "rhythm", and that also includes being able to step on an escalator without the fear of falling! So i guess recovery is indeed a literal step at a time, for both physically, and mentally - beyond just my own abilities, as well as for all recovering Stroke patients. And sometimes, "patience" might not be enough, but for an understanding, or even an assured holding of one's ahdns as he/she crosses a seemingly negligible hurdle, which might be a massive hurdle to his/her own life, and surviving it.TOYSREVILhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03872736377423548421noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2824210430419585227.post-52056981254203739732011-08-02T13:00:00.001+08:002011-08-02T13:00:42.328+08:00Supporti remember my doctors and therapists said to me while i was being wheeled out of the hospital circa Christmas Eve in 2010: "Be thankful you have great family and have friends' support" (or a derivation thereof - i was happy just to get out of there lol)<br /><br />And that is something that holds true, in my life right now.<br /><br />Since getting out of hospital-stay, i have moved from out of the need for a wheelchair, to a 4-legged walking-crutch (which has become a makeshift clothes-hanger muahahaha), to now waddling like a drunk-man around with a walking stick (that one moment during Father's Day, when i walked out of the house forgetting to get my cane, was a sign of great things to happen lol), is an improvement i cannot and will not deny. i am just elfin happy i can 'walk', ya know?! LOL<br /><br />As much effort as I put in to my self-recovery, I am also grateful and accept the power of "support" from my family, and folks who "care" about me. "Support" could range from simple silent embrace, to inactivity, or simply offering kind missives. These are powerful tools to aid in the spirit of the recovery ("Religion" notwithstanding) and of providing the mindset of the recoveree in question. Folks might not be verbal enough to say it out loud, but trust me - it DOES have an effect, and even sometimes, an 'impact'.<br /><br />I will not venture into delving into the mindsets and family-histories of the folks i share my rehabilitation sessions with - but sometimes (very rarely tho) i might overhear a healthy-family member deriding the patient his/her lack of recovering and effort taken in recovery … like THAT would encourage the person from laboring forth? Does the power of "Guilt" outweigh the possibility of "Hope"? Again, that is "their" life unknown to my comprehension - but you know where I'm getting at.<br /><br />People tend to forget that folks who survived Stroke, were not looking to be downed by Stroke in the first place - as are any other ailment or physical-health issues (but then again, I never had been the "healthy-one" in the first instance ~ hee ;p), but be sure a heck of folks might have been put into the rollercoaster-ride of GUILT, isn't it?<br /><br />Frankly, I had never been what you call an "optimist". I used to relish dwelling in the negatives, and from my previous work, I had nadvertently learnt to look at the things in the negative - with problems to be solved first - then see the sunny rainbow at the end of the dark clouds. (One of the reasons why I left, i surmise). But post-Stroke? I have learnt to embrace the notion of positivity, for that is one of the most important "attributes" i have against conquering my own limited disabilities.<br /><br />i am not strong because i am. i am strong because i have to be.<br /><br />my family support provides me with the strength to carry on fighting. my dreams provide me with a future to fight for. and my friends' support provide me with the ammunition needed to continue on the day-to-day survival against my own mental-battles, and my own lack of physical abilities.<br /><br />sitting in a chair for the whole day typing into a laptop does not constitute who i am, but unfortunately is the only aspect of my current abilities i have more control over. so frankly, i hope you can understand my main priority right now is making my life better by recovering.<br /><br />my own aged father - who himself survived a heart by-pass 5 years ago - is now taking care (mostly) of my day-to-day physical affairs, and chaperones me to rehab and acupuncture sessions - offers me both the physical and mental support, as does the rest of the family - and are a strength beyond any mere explanation i can afford - to aid in my recovery.<br /><br />Most folks do not ask for help. More folks than you know do not ask for support. And what you do, or not - affects the person around you. I am not (and never will be) asking you to sprout rainbow-flowers and shower the earth with blessings and happiness - i am asking you to perhaps consider first what your actions and words do to others (regardless of whatever consequences it may ensue afters - for that is out of you control in the first place) before you take a step forward.<br /><br />And all i can do personally, is to cherish and support folks in turn who have been, and are kind to me and have continued to support me, wherever they may be (online or physical), and learn to turn away from the ones who do not give a shit, because you sure as hell ain't doing much to aid my recovery! LOLTOYSREVILhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03872736377423548421noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2824210430419585227.post-85881801822587865002011-08-02T12:52:00.004+08:002011-08-05T13:13:37.878+08:00BP IssuesI have not been attending my rehabilitation sessions for over three weeks now. The reason is deceptively simple: My BP / Blood Pressure levels are now too high.<br /><br />This has not always been the case.<br /><br />And while folks do not dare claim it is beyond safety levels (or I'd seriously be in trouble), it is affecting how my recovery journey is to be now. <br /><br />My BP levels are checked each time before I commence my rehab sessions at the center (twice a week, all in the mornings) and if a certain tolerance level is maintained, I can continue forth to sweat myself out in the vain hopes to recover from my Stroke-effects.<br /><br />But recently, my BP levels are above the tolerant levels, and I find myself sitting and waiting, hopefully mt BP will go down, so i can join the rest of the other old folks in exercise. i joke with some of them that they were more "healthy" than me to be able to exercise even! It was funny for all of a coupla times, then afters, it was not so funny anymore. In fact, I have no doubt the waiting game affected my BP levels as well.<br /><br />There was a short period of time when my BP levels were optimum only in the afternoons, while mornings and nights saw it on the higher side. And so I attempted to switch my rehab sessions to the afternoons, ya know? But the next thing I knew, the BP levels became an issue in the afternoons as well - <i>so that plan is now bust!</i><br /><br />I am not a patient man. I do not think I've ever been. Although having Stroke initially had shown me the value of patience - but thru time, i have regained my impatience for situations and folks. Waiting impatiently for a email reply for two days perhaps is tolerable (especially when folks choose to tweet and FB) but waiting for a month for an interview to be replied to, does not send my blood-pressure-levels into bliss, you know? Or maybe I should stop blogging altogether and recover first? Hell, i KNOW i will be too impatient for that! LOL<br /><br />As of this morning (I check everyday, three times a day) - the levels hit the roof - which frankly scares me to effin-bits, as this condition has had, for the past few weeks.<br /><br />No one is able to provide a tangible answer for recovery. Oh sure there have been a number of "whys" - like weight-gain (i stopped smoking and drinking coffee, and in lieu munched) or even lack of sleep (*cough-TTF+SDCC-cough*) - which frankly I wholeheartedly accept the reasons for (in lieu of the lack of other tangible medical factors) and because frankly, I do not want to self-medicate and leave my future in the hands of "professionals".<br /><br />Sure there was a slight up in dosage of my western pills, but it sure ain't working! And if "weight-gain" is one of the main reasons, therein lies the painful rub.<br /><br />I cannot go to rehab and hope to loose weight if i am not allowed to exercise past the BP levels. I dare not even use the spanking new exercise-bike/machine we have at home now, due to this reason. I am not a "hero" out to prove everyone "wrong" in their assumptions, because simply put, the rules are there for a reason in the first place.<br /><br />I have reached a point now in recovery, that i no longer worry if i can ever walk free again (i feel i have already hit a plateau that i can no longer cross the hurdle of recovery for - but that' another mindfrak for another post), i am just plain scared i'll get downed by Stroke again.<br /><br />Yes folks, not to alarm you all, but once you get Stroke, there is a likelihood you'll get downed by it again - although timewise, there is never a particular reference-point (or so i'm told). And what are one of the deadly causes for Stroke again? High Blood Pressure.<br /><br />So besides fearing for my life - which shouldn't really be the case, as no one else medically seem to be fearful off (*crosses-fingers*) - tis more an innate frustration I have with the situation now - as NO ONE is able to afford a resolution!<br /><br />And imagine the frustration I have now, is to be able to only blog about it.<br /><br />Where Western medicine has failed me now, I will have no choice but to turn to Eastern suggestions. Simply put, I need to get my BP down, so I am able to exercise (and personally feel safe about it) and convince myself somehow I am on the path to recovery, because right about now, I am sitting at home and facing the BP-monitor and hoping for a better BP is like waiting for gloss ingots to fall into my lap from the sky.<br /><br />Funnily enough (okay fine, NOT so funny) in writing this post, my BP has no doubt risen a few knotches - because I write with my heart, not with my brain - and stirring these issues up - is perhaps not as helpful to my condition as I had expected it to be LOLTOYSREVILhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03872736377423548421noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2824210430419585227.post-21667996163029109042011-08-02T12:29:00.001+08:002011-08-02T12:29:27.721+08:00Mental HealthIn a confluence of situations prior, i had found myself sitting in the patient's chair in the office of a clinical "mental-health" expert (whose official name for, has escaped me - for that I apologize) in the hospital, for which I was referred to (no doubt simply because I blew my top at an attending doctor who did not seem to be able to offer any reasons for my malady - another post about that soon).<br /><br />And then I had subsequently spent an hour and a half (yes, time was indeed measured at my end, as was the doctor's wrist-watch she was constantly referring to, which i conveniently ignored) yakking on about my life, my Stroke, my life after having Stroke, my blog, and what contests I was planning to hold on my blog (in that order). And while i dare say i had (nearly) a clean-bill of mental-health (no, there is no actual paperwork available to me to claim such ;p), one thing was mentioned (when she had a chance to have a word in edgewise) was that perhaps I should update my Stroke-blog (which you are reading now).<br /><br />I had mentioned I had started a blog for Stroke, and was pretty diligent in updating it with info about both my own recovery, which in turn was to more importantly "educate" folks about the effects and recovery of Stroke (moreso than regaling about my own health, I insist!). But this blog has been left un-updated as of late, simply because I had developed into a stage of recovery, that this blog begun to remind me more about my Stroke - and the nasty effects that had gone along with the memory of - with it.<br /><br />Recovery thus far has been … "spotty", with a number of speed-bumps along the way (more on that in another post, promise!) and perhaps I had let my own personal feelings affect this blog - which as of right now, with this very post - I have learnt to reconcile with, simply because this blog is mine to maintain, as much as this life i have now, is mine to lead.<br /><br />I had actually asked a couple of folks to add to this blog, about their own journey of both recovery and taking car of folks - but you know what? I should just do this on my own, as there will be less expectations disappointed, and perhaps a more focused journey of a single person would be more effective in this regard.<br /><br />Hell, I'm not a medical practitioner, and frankly the last thing i need to be doing is "self-medicate" - and leave my health to the experts that know better … ah but when the experts cannot help? … now, THAT'S another post coming u sometime soon …<br /><br />MENTAL HEALTH<br /><br />And while might be clear of my objectives and aims, not necessarily all folks downed by physical illness might feel the same. I can imagine folks feeling depressed, and even suicidal - because let's face it - being in Stroke is not like an illness you can just take medicine and "get better".<br /><br />The physical recovery is "hardest". Some folks grapple with lack of speech abilities, and even worse still physical disabilities. I remember when my legs could not put themselves one in front of each other, when my mind remember they can. I remember peeing into a container (while in hospital bed) because I had not the ability to walk myself to the toilet - barely 6 metros away from my hospital bed. Hell, I remember looking at my own crotch and seeing the pee-patch grown larger while being unable to control my bowels! If that does not fuckup your thoughts, hey, do not know what will. I am thankful now I can take my own showers, walk about (with a walking cane) and can make my own way to the toilet at home (even tho the newly discovered diabetes makes me getup at 6am in the mornings to go take a leek).<br /><br />Physical recovery for any Stroke patient, takes a certain amount of time.No Stroke recovery might be timed exactly like the other, as no particular Stroke by individuals might be exactly similar to the others. There are a myriad forms of Stroke-effects to be had, even of the symptoms might be similar.<br /><br />I know of someone who has been in rehab for a span of over a year. I myself had been in rehab for nearly 5 months now (when I was self-confident enough to think 3 would do it - well, here's egg in my face!) and frankly, I have learnt it is a "marathon", not a "sprint". And the only other reason why we need to give a timeline to it, is (A) the cost of rehab, and (B) the ability of the family to go along with it.<br /><br />But what is most important in this equation, is the mental ability of the recovering patient, to continue with this timeline - and NOT feel useless, being a burden, feeling helpless.<br /><br />A lot of Stroke patients are elderly folks. And with a lack of a strong family structure and support, do you really think they have the mental fortitude to continue working forth, and not feel being "a burden, useless and helpless"? Especially for Asian families, and I am not being racist here - just pure simple observations.<br /><br />But in actual fact, I have begun to see even younger folks being downed by Stroke. There a guy aged 34, and another aged 31 in my (former) rehab sessions. One os married (bumped into him and his wife at an exhibition in town not too long ago too lol) and the other has a one year old daughter. So "age" is no longer exclusive to Stroke. As is the mental stress of it, without a doubt.<br /><br />"Mental Recovery" is a conundrum, for without the basis of fortitude and tenacity, or even a will to survive and thrive for the future, hell, the road will indeed be long an arduous! And sometimes. that "mental recovery" is not alone for the patients to bare - sometimes folks around them provide them that strength, to carry on with the recovery, with being "whole" again.<br /><br />And while I am in no medical position to infer what IS good mental health, I reckon it is the ability to survive the long-haul, the strength of not giving up and giving in, and the sheer tenacity to go forth and rehabilitate. No one else will make you miraculousy "better" (Religious folks will not agree with me here ;p) besides you working on to rehabilitate yourselves. Just know that that journey is not you and yours alone to tread - for you need folks around you to support you, and perhaps aid in any way for you to carry on your task.TOYSREVILhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03872736377423548421noreply@blogger.com2